Uncomfortably Numb
by easyl0ve
Summary: Christina, an ex-IRA mercenary, has to leave her home in the dust to stay alive. Alone in a new city, coping with life and loss, she makes a few new (charming) friends. Will they still be friends when they learn of her past life? And can she regain her lost faith? MurphyXOCXConner
1. 1: Take Me Home

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1: Take Me Home

"Look who's back!" my father's open arms greeted me as I entered my modest childhood home. It's funny how nothing really changes, same pictures on the wall, same smiles, same delicious smells coming from the kitchen. It had been months since I'd visited, but it was still like I'd never left. "Our little fighter's back, Laura!" he yelled back down the hallway into the house. In seconds there were my mother and my nieces.

"Aunt Christina! Aunt Christina!" the munchkins grabbed onto my legs, nearly causing me to fall over.

"I see Abby and Eve," I laughed, "Are Peter and Molly here, too?"

"Whole family is here," my father shooed the girls away, "Now you must tell me everything, dearie." I sighed and followed him into the parlor, "What did Danny have you do?"

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone, Dah."

"You can tell me. I only retired three years ago."

"Fine, fine. It was just a few hits. Nothing special. It's all dying down. I've heard 'em talking about another ceasefire."

He sat down in a huff, "That's bullshit! After all the good men we've lost… The things they've done to us…" he started to ramble.

A call came from the other room, "Christina, we need your help in the kitchen!" I patted my father on the shoulder, kissing his forehead before I walked down the hall.

"What can I do you for, Mum?" I rolled up my sleeves as I walked through the doorway.

"Sweetheart," I felt my mother's hand on my back, "We ran out of butter, would you make a run down the street for me?"

"Of course," I looked over at my brother and his family sitting at our table, "Do you little ladies want to join me? Auntie could use some help."

"No," Molly's voice was stern. I couldn't say I was surprised about it. I knew she hated me. She'd given me these harsh looks ever since she found out my 'occupation.' It wasn't just me, though. She hated anything that had to do with the cause. She didn't even look at me when she continued, "They are staying here."

"Alright," my smile didn't falter. I kissed my mother on the cheek and waved at my grandparents in front of the TV before heading out.

"Sis, wait!" I looked back to see my brother jogging down the hallway. I held open the door with my leg and allowed him to join me outside. "Is it true what they're saying? The ceasefire."

I shrugged, "I wouldn't believe it 'til it happens, Peter." He nodded, crestfallen.

"It'll just be nice if you could come around again. They miss their aunt, or at least they would… if they'd ever gotten a chance to really know ya. They love the gifts you send though."

"You've been missin' your little sister is more like it," I nudged his shoulder before taking a few steps down the street.

"I'm just glad you're still in one piece, you loon!" he yelled after me.

I turned around and held out my arms, "Like a prod could kill me!" I laughed as he shook his head and went back inside. It was good to be home, good to see everyone again. The more my job kept me away the more I wanted to take some time off. The active service unit was fine and all, but it would be nice to be home. Just be with everyone again. I entered the corner store, and the bells chimed above me.

"If it isn't Ms. O'Dell, the prettiest thing this side of the Irish Sea," the clerk smiled at me from behind the counter. I think we might have gone to school together, but I wasn't sure. I wasn't much for faces, at least not with my former schoolmates.

"Prettiest thing on either side, if you ask me. I thought you were up in Belfast fighting the good fight?" Another vaguely familiar face smiled at me from an aisle, he was stocking the shelves.

"Taking a bit of a vacation." I strolled over to the freezer and reached in, grabbing a few cases of butter, "Was feeling homesick."

"You stayin' with your parents then?"

"Naw, hotel." I set the butter on the counter, and plopped some cigarettes beside them.

"Is it true about the ceasefire? It's all anyone can talk about these days."

I gave a non-committal grunt, "Might be. I don't know for sure." The boy from the shelves stood next to me and handed me a bit of paper. "What's this?" I opened it and saw a name and a phone number scribbled across it.

"If there _is_ a ceasefire, I take it you'll be moving back?" I nodded. "Then I'd like to take you for a drink."

I smiled, thinking back to the last real conversation I had with my mother. We were on the phone one night, and she had been nagging me about finding a man, starting a family. "Sure thing," I winked at him as I took my bag from the counter and left.

It was nice to be back on this street. It was nothing fancy, just asphalt and a bit of sidewalk, but it was my childhood. Some kids whizzed past me on their bikes. Peter taught me to ride a bike right over there; I remember, because I swerved into the curb and nearly lost all my baby teeth.

I must have looked ridiculous with the smile I had plastered on my face. Nearly every tooth was showing, but why should I care? I was home. I'd be eating good in a few hours with the only people I really cared about. Then tomorrow morning we'd all go to mass, just like we used to. It would be like it used to, even if it was just going to be for a day or two.

I turned the corner and my house came into view. I quickened my pace, eagerness starting to take over.

Then there was a bright light.

And then a loud noise as I fell back.

And then silence.


	2. 2: Running Away

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2: Running Away

I hit my head on the uneven pavement. The pain rattled throughout my skull like falling pins, clashing and stinging and making it hard to see clearly. Rolling over, I used a nearby wall to help pick myself up. The bricks were cool on my skin. I pulled the gun out of its familiar place stuffed into the back of my jeans at the waistband as I staggered towards my house.

My home, in flames. They were pouring out of the windows with the accent of the dark smoke. My home.

"No." I started to run in awkward strides, sending the door flying when I busted it in with my shoulder. "Dah! Mum! Peter!" The heat of the flames was intense, but I couldn't just stay back. I had to save them. I leaned against the parlor's archway, "Dah!" There he was, lying on the floor, a bullet between his eyes. I was beside him in a split-second, combing back his grey hair with my hand. "Dah. Dah, get up. This isn't happening." I reached for his hand. Rosary beads? Did he see it coming? "No. No. No. Fuck!" I took the beads and kissed his cheek. "I love you so fucking much. I just gotta see if anyone…" The rest of my time inside that hell was a blur of flames and smoke; they had all been shot. Even little Eve and Abby. They were just kids. I stayed as long as I could, but when the lightness spread to my head and darkness threatened my vision I groped the walls until I was outside.

"What's happened, dear?" The old woman from down the block stood across the street, fear in her eyes.

"They killed them. They killed all of them!" I yelled at her. I could tell she was scared by how I was waving my gun around, but now wasn't the time for nicety. "Did you see anything?"

"No, no. I just called the fire department when I saw the flames and came right over."

I nodded, realizing sweat wasn't the only thing dripping from my face. I was crying. Crying for the first time since I was 5. "I'm gonna kill 'em." I said softly, taking my sleeve to my forehead in an attempt to dry off. "I'm gonna kill who ever did this." I was about to take off to my hotel when I saw something on the ground. "Our crucifix?" I picked it up, putting my gun back in its place. Must have flown over here when the explosion went off. "That doesn't make any sense? It's always been nailed to the wall by the front door." I began to walk towards my hotel, the whole time flipping the cross over in my mind and my hand.

-o0o-

"Ms. O'Dell, I was wondering when you'd be here." A familiar face was sitting on the bed in my room. "You should be dead."

I pulled the pistol out and pointed it at him, my anger returning once more, "I didn't think friends killed family. I thought we were on the same side."

He stood up, hands above his head, "For the record, lass, I didn't know they were your family until I was leaving."

"Why, Paul?" I could feel the tears of betrayal flow.

"I'm just doing what I was told." He reached out to me, "Now, now don't cry. I'm here to make it better."

I cocked the gun, pointing it directly at his face, "And how do you suppose you can do that? The only people I care about are dead because of you."

"I'll tell Danny you died with 'em. I can help you get out of here, find someplace safe." I stared at him for a long time. It was difficult to decide if his face was telling the truth. "Please, Christina. Let me help."

"And how can I trust you now?" I tapped the trigger a few times before uncocking it. Beggars can't be choosers, and I was all alone now. "Why did they want me dead?"

"You know better than me that we aren't paid to ask questions," he laughed. I raised one corner of my mouth as an attempt to smile, but I just couldn't find it in me.

"So what do I do?"

"Right now we gotta get your money and your papers from your place over in Belfast. I can do that for you, you can't be in the city. If they see ya they'll kill the both of us. Then we get you on a boat, and out of here."

"But the funeral…"

"Your family loved you. That's all you used to go on about, right? You and your family. They loved you and that's all you have to know." I sighed as I repacked my suitcase, "If it'll make ya feel any better I'll look after it."

"That's a little ironic, don't ya think so? Seeing as how you killed them."

"It's better you have me do it than someone who doesn't know you."

"Fine," I grabbed the handle on the case. "Let's just go before I change my mind."

The car ride was silent, and rightly so. Paul had been my closest friend in Belfast, and now he'd killed my family. I slouched in the back seat, hood drawn up for most of our stops, pretending to sleep but hyper vigilant. It could still be a trap. We picked up the money, my passport and various legal papers, as well as another suitcase filled of things from my old apartment. Then Paul spoke to someone and traded the money for US currency. I guess that was where I was headed. America. Then we were on our way to the docks.

"I called a buddy of mine in Boston. He knows you're coming, and he should be able to help you." I nodded. "Now, you gotta stay dead okay? Don't be getting famous or anything." I nodded again, looking at my homeland. "So, this is goodbye."

"Suppose it is." I took a deep breath of the sweet air, "I'll try to find it in me heart to forgive ya." I patted his shoulder and boarded the boat. I wish I could have left my heavy heart there, in Ireland with my family, my past, but it came with me; a bit of a reminder of the home I had, and a twisted solace for during my indefinite exile.


	3. 3: Am I Really Dying?

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3: Am I Really Dying?

Sorrow seeped deep into my bones with aid from the cold sea air. I had sucked through my measly pack of cigarettes and we were only a quarter of the way there, chain smoking had given me something to do and now my hands were empty. We all know what they say about idle hands though, don't we. I eventually decided to see what Paul had packed me; clothes, knives, a couple guns, toiletries. No underwear? Wait, did I remember undies when I packed for home? I sifted through my other suitcase. Nothing. "Of all the fucking times I've forgotten things, it had to be underwear and it had to be now, and why the fuck do I have so many God damn pairs of socks?" I slapped my face a couple times. I rummaged some more in Paul's bag and found a box. A carton of reds. "Ya did good, Paulie. Ya did good. I still want ya dead though, but this is a start." I opened it and grabbed a pack, unwrapping it and then tapping away for a good minute before pulling out a cigarette and placing it between my lips. From then on it was smooth sailing, but my insides still churned. It would bubble up every hour or so as rage, but die back down to emptiness. When the trip was nearing its end a whole new worry arose. I had no idea who I was looking for when I arrived; I guess they'll know me.

-o0o-

I tucked my suitcases under each arm when we docked and followed the rest of the stowaways off the ship. I walked along with everyone, best to stay with the herd in strange lands, but soon an older fella came up to me.

"M-M-Ms. O'Dell?" his voice was quiet.

"The one and only," I felt my mouth form a slight smile.

"L-Let me get those for you," he reached for my bags, but I stopped him.

"No, Sir. I can manage just fine on my own." He started walking off and I followed him to a car. "The air is so different from back home," I rolled the window down, "How d'you live like this?"

"We manage." He smiled over at me. The thirty-minute drive was silent, besides the occasional cursing from my new friend. Eventually we pulled in beside a pub whose sign read McGinty's.

"Perfect, I could use a few pints."

"Not j-just yet." He parked the car and I exited with my bags. I followed him over to the apartment building just beside it. He handed me a key. "201." I nodded, "And when you've set down your -Fuck- things, come down to the bar." I nodded once more and we went our separate ways.

I walked up the stairs to the second floor and opened the door. "Oh," I scanned the grubby looking room, "It's a shit-hole." I faked a chuckle before setting everything down on the relatively clean-looking bed. "That's fitting I s'pose." I pulled my shirt up to my nose and sniffed in. Nasty. I hadn't changed clothes since, since before everything happened. I opened the door in the corner of the room. Bathroom. I turned on the shower; working condition at least. I stripped down as I grabbed the soaps from my bag.

The cold water felt good as it washed over me, but not the usual good. It felt like honesty. It felt like pain. It felt like me. Once I was scrubbed I got out and looked in the mirror. I looked like shit. I looked just about as dead as I was supposed to be. I walked over to my suitcases, and began the search for clothes. I held up the bra I'd been wearing for days. "Looks like O'Dell is goin' commando tonight," I'd need to buy new underwear tomorrow. I slid on some jeans, then the socks and boots. A black v-neck'll be just fine. I grabbed my makeup bag and went to the mirror. My eyes were bright a week ago. They were my favorite part about myself; the insane shade of green that, in the right light, looked a pale grey. Now they weren't so bright. Whatever spark they once had was snuffed out. I started rubbing the foundation on, "If I can just look like I have a pulse, it'll be alright." Once I was done I ran a brush through my dark brown locks. It was a lot of work just to get the comb through. Too much hair, too long, too much of everything. I eventually gave up. I stuffed a few notes from the stacks Paul had given me into my pocket and slid on a blue pea coat before dropping a pack of cigarettes into the righthand pocket. I grabbed my gun for a second. Back home I took this thing wherever I went. Things were different now, "Dead girls don't need guns," I set it back on the bed and grabbed the keys. I just needed a good drink. Several good drinks. Then I'll be fine for a while. I locked the door behind me before making my way downstairs, out the door, and into the pub.

"So you're a bartender?" I sat in the corner of the bar and my new friend came over to wait on me.

"You'll be t-t-fuck-too. Start you as s-soon as you can."

"Tomorrow. Tonight I drink." I smiled at him, "A large whiskey if you'd please, what'd you say your name was?"

"We all call him Doc," I turned to my right and almost laughed.

"Well ain't you a Jesus-looking mother fucker." I held out my hand to shake, taking note of the two men sitting with him.

"Rocco." We shook hands, "And you are?"

Doc set the glass in front of me, "Christina O'Dell, pleased to meet ya."

"Christ, you sound like you're fresh off of the boat."

"I am, I am. Don't hold it against me now," I held up the glass to him, managing a small smile. "How 'bout a toast, Mr. Rocco?"

He pulled his drink up to join mine, "To beautiful immigrants."

I pulled my drink back before he could clink against my glass, "No. No." I wagged my free finger at him, "See it's been a hell of a few days for me, and this is my first drink since it all started. I can't be drinking to such a sorry toast, don't take offense to that." I set my glass down, and shrugged off my coat before placing it on the counter only to lift the drink once more, "How 'bout this. 'Til I can't hardly stand on my own," I smiled. He let out a laugh, along with his companions.

"I'll drink to that," one of the other men said, leaning over to clink my glass. Rocco followed suit, and the other gentleman. I held the glass to my lips. Two gulps. Empty glass.

"Another one for me, Doc!"


	4. 4: The Thin Ice of Modern Life

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4: The Thin Ice of Modern Life

I woke up in the cold apartment, not entirely sure how I got there. I wasn't sure of much, actually. But I did know a few things. Last night was relatively fun, and perfectly numbing. I had to get to the pub around noon today to start my job. I also needed to get to the store to get some underwear. And lastly, I was sure I still hurt.

I rolled out of bed still half asleep and went to the bathroom to wash off my face. My hand was killing me. Did I punch someone last night? "It's so bright! What time is it?" I looked around, I'll have to add a clock to the list. I brushed my teeth, grabbed my coat from last night, and headed out. The sun was high, the time change had really screwed me up. I decided to go to the pub first, at least to check the time.

"You're l-late," Doc appeared annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I don't have a clock yet," I smiled at him.

"Did ya even eat anyth-th-thing yet?"

I shook my head, "I'm not hungry." Truth is I wasn't hungry. Even the thought of food made me feel queasy. I put my hair up in a ponytail. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Do you mix drinks, lass?"

I shrugged, "A bit. I'm not fast though."

"S'alright." He through a towel at me, "Can clean a table, right?" I nodded and went to work. Cleaning was easy enough, gave me something to do. And Doc was a nice enough boss, albeit unorthodox. Before long people began to trickle in, "O'Dell!" I looked out from the store-room. "You can take inventory later. Best you –fuck-ass- go do your shopping and clean yourself up before the nightly-ly rush. And try t-t-to look presentable."

"Thank you," I smiled and began to scurry out.

"And eat s-something!"

I waved at him and opened the door. The sun was still up, but it was falling quickly. I asked a few people on the street where a store was, but it took a few tries before someone helped me. I hated that. Back home we'd point you in the right direction, ask how your family was doing, and invite you for a pint. "This is home now," I sighed as I picked a clock up off the counter; had an alarm and everything. The store had a very limited selection of undergarments, I would need to find a department store or something, but for now this will do. I grabbed a week's supply of underwear and a couple of the crappy bras they had as well as a few other things: towels, crackers, full length mirror that I was surprised they had on sale, etc. I was just happy to have things again. I made the purchase and headed back to my place.

The streets were filled with cars. I hated it. So many people, none of them friends, certainly not family. When I unlocked my apartment I decided it was time to clean the place up. My only pieces of furniture were the bed and a small dresser, so it wasn't going to be that difficult. I unpacked, placing the guns, socks, and underwear in the top drawer. I had traveled light, so everything fit fine. I lined the two pairs of shoes I had along the wall. The clock sat nicely on top of the drawers, along with my father's rosary beads and the family crucifix. I'd have to get to church soon. Maybe that would help. Next I had to shower, this time I used conditioner so I could actually comb my hair. Then makeup. Then clothes. Presentable. I searched the few clothing items I had. I wouldn't say any of it was remotely professional, except the church clothes and a few things Paul had packed. I pulled the black dress over my head, looking to the mirror to straighten it out. The last time I wore it was when the guys and I went out for a night of drinking. They had made fun of me for looking like an actual woman for once. I did look like a woman; I smiled slightly before sliding into the heels. "Mom would be proud," I said softly, the pang of loss returning to my heart. I fought it off with a deep breath, exhale. I put the coat on once more and made my way downstairs.

-o0o-

I was surprised and relieved when the bar was empty upon my arrival. At least I would get a few moments to collect myself before I really have to do anything.

"Did you g-get what you needed?"

I nodded, "What do you want me to do, boss?"

He motioned for me to join him behind the bar, "I'll be running an errand in a few min-minutes. Think you can handle things?"

Of course, I nodded at the empty room, "Especially if it stays like this." He just chuckled as he grabbed his things and left. I went over to the radio and turned it up, scanning through the channels until I found something decent. "Early in the morning, rise into the street…" I started humming as I leaned against the counter. I heard the door open, so I turned.

"Look who it is, Murph."

"Aye, the girl who couldn't handle her liquor."

They sat down, "What can I get for you two?"

"Not even a 'Hello' for the boys who carried you home last night?"

"How rude."

I rubbed my eyes, "I'm sorry. I don't really remember much," I pulled a pint glass and started to fill it, "But thank you." I set it in front of one of them then began to fill another.

"Where's Doc?"

"Errand." I set the other one down. "I didn't go making a fool of myself yesterday, did I?" They shook their heads, allowing me to heave a sigh of relief. The pain in my hand swelled briefly, "But I punched someone." They nodded, "Neither of you?"

They both took a drink from their glasses in unison, "Our boy Rocco."

"He was getting, what was it that she said? Hands-y?" They laughed.

"Aye, hands-y. I've never seen a girl throw a punch like that."

I lit a cigarette, "It had been a long day."

"You told us all about it," they laughed.

"Oh really?" I flicked some ashes into the ashtray. "And what did I say?"

"You kept going on about your ex-boyfriend, Paulie."

"Complaining about how he betrayed ya."

"Don't see how a man in his right mind would cheat on ya, though."

I chuckled, "Paulie isn't an ex."

"Still together then, are ya?"

I shook my head, "We are, were," I thought of how to put it, "Coworkers." They looked at each other for a second, "Hey, I'm telling the truth. Me and Paulie," I shuddered at the thought, "that would never happen." A few more people came into the bar, so I had to cut my conversation with the brothers short. The busy bar kept me occupied for the rest of the night, even when Doc returned. I guess there just ain't any rest for the wicked.


	5. 5: Tear Down The Wall

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5: Tear Down The Wall

I had been staring up at the church walls for an hour, pacing back and forth, too afraid to go in. The ominous grey of the walls, the intricate gargoyles, all of which seemed to be judging me before I was even through the door. The last time I had even gone was months before the death of my family, what was a few more weeks? At first I had used the excuse of getting accustomed to Boston; it was perhaps the strongest of my reasons for putting things off. Then I had to get my apartment set up, weaker, but still effective. Now I had no more excuses. I took a deep breath and opened the door, a part of me expected to burst into flames when I stepped over the threshold. Nothing, not even a sizzle. There was just the echo from the door closing behind me. I was happy no one was here save for a priest in one of the front pews. Church was hard enough alone, and I really didn't want to be part of the flock just yet. I genuflected and sat in the pew furthest back. I thought of praying a couple times in the minutes that I sat there, but all I could do was focus on the swirls in the wood of the seat in front of me. The smell in the air reminded me of the cathedral back home. I missed it. I missed them. I missed my family.

"Child, would you like to talk?" I looked up and saw a clergyman standing in the aisle. He must have moseyed his way back here while I wasn't paying attention.

"I think… I think I'm alright," I lied, and he walked back up to the front of the church. I wasn't all right. I used to feel something when I looked up at the crucifix. Now I just felt empty. Where there used to be sure faith was just hollowness. I guess that's what happens when you lose everything. I stood up after a few minutes, and decided maybe it just wasn't the right time for me to be there. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe I needed some more time away before I could feel God again. Standing up and turning on my heel, I quickly made my way to the door, tucking the collar up just as it opened.

"Well, if it isn't Ms. O'Dell."

I gasped slightly at the sudden encounter. The MacManus brothers stepped aside, allowing space for me on the sidewalk. "Oh, it's you two. How've ya been?" I pushed my thoughts of lost faith and sorrow deep down and managed a smile.

"We'd be a lot better if you ever actually talked to us."

I shook my head, "Is that so?"

"You working tonight then?" Connor asked with a slight smile on his face.

I nodded, "Just like every night," I faked a laugh, "I take it you two will be there?"

"Aye."

"Then I'll see you later, gentlemen."

I was already a few paces away when I heard Murphy say something, "And don't go ignoring us!"

It was a short walk back to my apartment, and the air had a crisp sort of edge to it. I had been beginning to at least tolerate my new surroundings, maybe even my new life here. I had an honest job, I had acquaintances, and I had a place to stay; life could have been a whole lot worse. I walked up the stairs and unlocked the door to my apartment before collapsing on the bed. I needed a good rest. I needed several good rests. I set the alarm to give me ample time to get ready and go to work, and then attempted to get that sleep I desperately required.

-o0o-

"Why don't you let me take you out, sweet thing?" Alright, so there was one teensy tiny downside to working at a bar whose patrons were predominately male; the blatant harassment. Yeah, maybe this guy was just asking me on a date, but his eyes were telling me a different story and I was the best at reading people. That even happened to be why I was so good at my last job, but that's beside the point.

"Oh, I'm not allowed to date the customers," I lied.

"Doc's my buddy, I'm sure he'd make an exception," the man flashed a slightly disturbing smile; I tried to hide my disgust.

"I'll go ask him right now," I forced a wink and walked over to Doc at the other side of the bar. I leaned in towards his ear, "That creep down there won't take no for an answer. Do you think you could tell him I can't date the customers? I'd owe you one." I gave my best attempt at puppy dog eyes, but he just laughed.

"Of c-course, Ms. O'Dell." He scurried down the bar and I let out a sigh of relief before pouring myself a glass of water.

"What was that all about?" I looked up.

"I should have known," I smiled. Rocco and the brothers were now sitting at the bar, and with the night I was having I was actually happy to see them. I leaned over to counter to answer, "This guy kept on asking me to go on a date with him."

"So you felt the need to send in a poor old man to do your dirty work?"

I snapped my head over to Connor, "It's not my fault I'm not used to that sort of thing," I looked down the bar to Doc. He was stuttering away at the man as he pleaded, "Plus it's easier to just say it's company policy or some shit." I took a large gulp from my glass. "I swear I'm not a bitch though, it's just everyone who hits on me in here is a scumbag."

"Hey!" Rocco interjected as the two boys laughed.

"Not you," I laughed before staring into his eyes briefly to get another read on him, "See, still harmless."

"Who you callin' harmless, little girl?" although he tried to seem intimidating he just couldn't.

"No, no, no. That's a compliment," I smiled and went off to help a few other people with their orders before returning. "Do you want another?" The brothers nodded in unison and for the first time it clicked. They were always together, and they were always doing stuff at the same time like that, "You two are twins, aren't you?" I set the new drinks in front of them.

"I'd have thought it would'a been obvious, lass," Murphy smiled at me.

"Now that ya mention it," I smiled.

"What about you? You got a big brother we have to watch out for?"

The sting I felt was very slight, but something about the innocent smiles of their faces calmed me down, "Oh, you don't have to worry about Peter."

"Is he still back in Ireland, then?"

"I guess you could say that," my voice had lost a bit of its lightness as they urged me to explain with their expressions. "He died."

"I'm sorry."

My smile flashed back onto my face, "You didn't kill him." I downed the rest of my water, "Enough about that though, I want to hear how you met this arse." I pointed at Rocco and smiled. And just like that they began the tale. As I listened I couldn't help but feel good. I was glad I finally decided to talk to these three friends. I was glad that I had made it over here, and away from the people who wanted me dead. But mostly I was glad to feel something besides sadness.


	6. 6: Nothing Is Very Much Fun Anymore

**Hey! New chapter! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!**

6: Nothing is very much fun anymore.

A couple months passed since my attempt at church, and I couldn't find it in myself to go back. More time. More time was all I needed. But with that time also came an itch. I itched for something, anything that resembled my life back at home. Every night I would get this feeling in my bones like when someone taps on a hollow pipe. The reverberations brought the itching to my hands. Too long. Too long since a good fight. Too long since I got my knuckles bloody, or maybe even my face. Back home it was the norm, at least for the boys I hung about and me, to get a bit drunk, and a bit belligerent, and a bit bruised. I had never realized how much I enjoyed a brawl until I came to Boston. Here I was someone else. Here no one was afraid of me. Here I was just some girl bartending to pay the bills.

"What's got you all worked up, girlie?" I pulled the last few drags from my cigarette and snuffed it out in the ashtray.

"What makes you think I'm worked up, boyo?" I smiled at Connor before taking a large sip from my glass. Even on my nights off I came down here, but I couldn't tell you why. I'd speculated that it was the perfect place for a few drinks. Or that this was the only place I really knew here in Boston. Or that it was always either dead or mellow when Doc didn't need me. Tonight was one such night. Just Doc, the twins, and me.

"You've been smoking like a chimney since you sat down."

"Just been a stressful time is all," I pulled another cigarette out and lit it up.

"And w-what d-d-d-fuck-do you have to be s-stressed about, O'D-Dell? I've got ya a j-job and a home."

"Ahh, yes, but d'ya know what I don't got here, Doc?" I flicked the ashes down.

"Ya missing your boyfriend again?"

I shot a mean look at the brothers, "My mates." I took another long puff, "You three and Rocco are the only fuckers I've even had a decent conversation with over here. And, no offense, but it's not like we do anything…" I tried to think of the right word, but in my slight haze I settled, "fun. At least not like back at home."

"I'm hurt," Connor joked, holding his hand to his chest.

"Are ya saying we ain't fun?" Murphy too looked offended. Doc 'pffshed' at me and walked into the back room.

"It doesn't matter how fun you are if you just sit around drinkin."

"And what did you do for fun back home?"

I opened my mouth to speak when a couple of cops came in. They must've just got off duty, because they sat right down at the bar and hollered for Doc. After I eyed the uniforms for a second I looked back to the boys, "Nothing." I slammed back the remainder of my drink, and was about to order another when a hand flew in front of me.

"No."

I looked over to Connor, "Excuse me?"

Murphy continued speaking for him, "If ya want fun, then we'll show you fun."

I shook my head, "You really don't—"

They finished their beers and pulled their coats on as Connor picked up, "Can't have you thinkin' we're no fun, now can we?"

I looked briefly down the bar at the officers. I guess I didn't want to stick around here anyway. "Fine," I pulled my coat on and headed out.

-o0o-

We had been walking for a few minutes, the uneven pavement occasionally tripped me up but they never seemed to notice. They never really seemed to notice much. Here I had been constantly watching my back like some paranoid schizophrenic for the whole time I was in Boston, my back always to the wall, exits always in my sights, I couldn't even walk down the street without frequent glances over my shoulder, and they never said one thing about it. But lord forbid I smoke a few extra cigarettes one day. I shrugged it off and continued; after all they were half of my friends here in America. There was something almost peaceful about this street at night. Yes, there were still people around. Yes, there were still cars. But the streetlamp light altered everything, as if I was asleep. And their faint electrical hum brought with it a kind of unity. I didn't hate the city so much at night.

Eventually I was unnerved by the fact a man I didn't recognize was following us. He had been following us almost since we left the bar. At first I thought it was coincidence, but he mimicked our every turn. I broke our silence, "So where are we going?"

"Can't tell you."

"It'd ruin the surprise." I sighed, and was just about to complain when Murphy spoke again, "So you never answered. What did you used to do for fun?"

"You wouldn't believe me," I peeked over my shoulder again. Still following.

"Try us," they laughed.

I stopped in my tracks, the second the idea struck me. "Alright," I took one last look over my shoulder; the man had stopped too. "How 'bout I show you?" I smiled, continuing in a hushed tone, "Now what I'm gonna do is say a loud 'goodbye' and walk down this alley right here," I pointed towards alley where a dumpster was sticking out. "You two can carry on your merry way, I'd say probably a bit past the corner—"

"What the hell are you talki—"

"I know what I'm doing." I sighed. They weren't going to understand. "You two walk a bit past the corner, then come back."

"Then what?"

"You'll see," I winked before raising my voice and faking a stumble, "Well, goodnight boys! I can make it the rest of the way by myself," I shooed them with my hand and started down the alleyway in planned uneven strides. Adrenaline returned to my veins: my old friend. It wasn't even twenty seconds before the man appeared behind me, pushing me against the wall.

"Hey little girl, don't you now you shouldn't be out at night by yourself?" When his hands started their predictable violation I couldn't help but laugh. This poor idiot. Stupid stupid man, mistaking me like so many people here did. Thinking me some delicate flower that could be easily picked and destroyed. "What's so funny? Do you like it?" When he flipped me to face him I couldn't keep a straight face. "Of course you do," he said before he did the one thing he really shouldn't have done. The second his hand touched the fabric my fist made contact with his stomach. "You bitch," he yelled, staggering back. I took the chance to slide off my jacket before I saw the glint of the small blade. He stabbed at me. Dodge. Dodge. I picked my fists up and bounced from one foot to the other, ducking away from all the knife attempts.

From the corner of my eye I saw the twins jog down the alley, and the guy took a run for it. I started after him, but an arm wrapped around my waist and held me back, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I kept trying to squirm out of the hold, but the arm was stronger than I'd expected, "He's getting away." Once the man had escaped my vision I stopped resisting. When I was release I turned around to see Murphy. "Thanks," I said in a sarcastic tone.

"What are you talking about, we saved you."

Connor threw my coat at me. I pulled out my cigarettes and lit one, "I didn't need saving."

"He had a knife," the boys pulled out their own cigarettes.

"So?"

"So, he would've killed ya!" it was odd to see the looks of concern on their faces. We were friends, yeah, but I didn't think we were that close.

I laughed for a second, "Fine. Let's just go do whatever fun thing you had in mind then." I waved my arms and walked back onto the street, they followed close behind.

**Feel more than free to let me know what you think, even if it's that I've gone bat-shit crazy with the story! Also, spoiler for the first person who gets the title references! **


	7. 7: Fresh Perspective

**Hello! So here's the next installment. I hope you like it. I am going through mad writers block on this thing (sigh) so I would really like all the feedback you can give me. :) Also, because of said brain confusions I am searching out a beta-reader for this thing! If you're interested feel free to PM me. Enough of this, ENJOY!**

7: Fresh Perspective.

"Well boys, I like walking as much as anyone, but we've been walking around in circles for like an hour. We don't have to do anything new tonight…"

"It's called building suspense."

I stopped and leaned against a streetlamp, "It's called stalling," I laughed as I placed a new cigarette between my lips.

"We're just at a loss for ideas is all."

"What with saving your life and everything."

I shook my head, "I told you, I didn't need saving." I groaned, "What is it with you people here? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm made of glass." They exchanged some look I couldn't understand. They were always doing that, and I couldn't help but feel jealous. Peter and I were like that when we were little. I used to think that once I got out we'd get to be like that again, but that was probably just wishful thinking. I turned my attention back to the task at hand. Fun. I looked around for something. Some sort of sign. Go here. Do this. Something. And then there it was. There on the side of the building we were loitering next to was a fire escape that went straight up to the roof. "I've got an idea," I said before walking down the alley. A perception change would be nice, might even be just what the doctor ordered.

"Not this again."

"Don't worry, something else this time," I examined the ladder. It was far too high up for me to jump by myself. "Besides," I made an attempt to move the closest dumpster the extra meter needed, but it wouldn't budge, "You two aren't coming up with anything." I climbed on top of the bin and readied myself for the jump.

"What the hell do you think you're doing up there?" Murphy moved to help me down, but he was too late. I spent a brief moment in the air before a surprisingly graceful grab at the rungs. At my weight the ladder lowered to the ground with a clang.

"Shall we?" I smiled at them for a second. They stood there with confused looks, "Have a look about and see the sights?" I rotated around the grimy metal and started my climb to the stairs. I could hear them below me, but I couldn't understand a thing they were saying. Were they speaking a different language? That was new. Once I reached the top of the ladder I looked down at them, "Are you coming or what?" Another look at each other shot a sting of jealousy down my spine. They must've decided to humor me, because they made their way to the metal. When they started climbing I quietly snuck up the remaining stairs. Up, up, up. I couldn't remember the last time I did this sort of thing. I think it was with my brother, or was it Paulie? No, it was definitely Peter. Back when he didn't have that woman keeping him away from me. His own damn sister, and somehow I still wasn't good enough to see him. I guess she was right about me. I popped over the wall and stepped softly onto the roof. The city was beautiful from up here, nothing like the view from down there. I walked the distance to the edge adjacent to the one I had just jumped over and leaned over slightly. It wasn't half bad up here. Bearable. Maybe even beautiful, but not like home. Home was greens. This was grey and brown and yellow with small hint of the sky, but from up here it was stunning.

"So getting mugged and hanging out of roofs is what you consider fun?"

I looked back at the brothers who had finally joined me. They wouldn't get why I needed a fight, never in a million years. "I just thought it might be nice to get away from all that for a while." I motioned down to the street below.

"Are you saying you don't like our fair city?"

"I'm saying I needed some fresh air," I sat on the edge of the building. "But to be honest, the four of you are the only things I like about this place," I laughed before taking the final drag of my cigarette and flicking it over the edge.

"Missing home again, O'Dell?"

"If you miss it so much why don't you go back?"

"I can't." I stood up and walked along the edge, holding my arms out to either side of me as though I was walking a tight rope. It was funny the way they stepped closer, as though I was in danger or something.

"Why not?" Murphy took the extra steps and pulled me down from my perch.

"No fun," I protested briefly before sitting back down, "I was perfectly safe."

"Don't go dodging the question," Connor sat beside me.

"I just can't."

"Was it that bad of a breakup, lass?"

I laughed. I knew I shouldn't have ever said a word about Paul. "Stop saying that. I've told you a hundred times he wasn't my boyfriend. Hell, I haven't had a boyfriend since my first year of junior cycle, so just shut your mouth about it." I pulled out a new cigarette, "If you must know, I can't go back to Ireland or I'll be killed." I smiled as I lit the end. They looked at me for a second before bursting into laughter. I knew they'd think it was a joke.

"Are you ever serious?"

They shoved me around for a second, "Sometimes." I took a few drags. I was getting tired, "I'll tell you one true thing," I paused for a moment, checking to see if they actually wanted to hear what I was going to say. Most people I'd talked to here didn't care what I said, they just cared if was pretty or interested in them. Not these two though. They always listened carefully; another of their lovable traits. "I'm jealous of you two."

"And why would that be?"

"I could tell you," I started towards the stairs once more, "But where's the fun in that?"


	8. 8: An Unexpected Addition

**Hey! First off,****_ thank you for reading! _****Be sure to review with your thoughts and musings. I'd love to hear what you have to say, especially after this chapter! Also, if you don't feel like reviewing you can always PM me. STILL LOOKING FOR A BETA READER, so if you are the least bit interested throw me a line. ****HOPE YOU ENJOY THE NEW CHAPTER!**

8: An Unexpected Addition.

There were upsides and downsides to both of the different shifts Doc would give me. Day shift meant less people, just the day regulars. They each had their poisons, and in the year that I had been working here I had learned them all. The downside was I didn't function very well in the mornings due to my late nights. No one seemed to mind though. I actually think they preferred me that way.

The night shift was a different story. Yes, there were the regulars, but new faces were always popping up, especially on the busier nights. I wasn't really one for crowds, so this was a big drawback. Tips were better, though. And the nights usually passed quickly. But the best part of working nights was normally getting to see my boys. Alright, so they weren't technically my boys. To be perfectly honest I wasn't even sure if they had girlfriends, or wives for that matter, because if they did they certainly never brought them around me. What I did know was that somewhere along the line their charm had dug a trench in me. I wasn't at all prepared for that.

"Tell me one more before I get back to work," I ordered Rocco between the last puffs of my cigarette.

"Here's one I haven't told ya," he took a long sip from his glass, "So this leper is having sex with this prostitute, right? And they go at it and eventually they finish and he puts the money on the dresser and everything. And just before he goes he says to her, 'Oh, and you can keep the tip.'" He busted up, and I joined him as I stood up from the booth. Who didn't enjoy a good leper joke?

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard," I choked out in-between laughs. I could feel my eyes beginning to water as I turned to get back to the bar.

"What's the most disgusting thing you've heard?" I turned to see Connor behind me, his brother following him closely as usual.

"I told her the one about the leper and the prostitute."

"That's not an appropriate joke to say to a lady, now is it?" I felt Connor's hand on my back as he slipped past me into the booth where I had been sitting. The brief touch made me feel almost giddy for a moment, but it went unnoticed.

"You' know better than that," Murphy smacked Rocco upside the head as he sat down.

"I'll bring you two your usual," I smiled at the twins before turning around, but not before overhearing Rocco.

"Come on, this is O'Dell we're talking about, she's just one of the guys." He had a point. Christina O'Dell. Honorary man. That's how it's always been, ever since I was born. I never wanted to play with dolls; I never played house, or tried to keep myself clean, or any of that girly bullshit that seemed to be expected of me. I had been a tomboy since I slid out of the womb. It was just what came naturally to me. I started to pour the two drafts, absentmindedly looking over at their booth. Being one of the guys had always been a point of pride with me, but not today. Not anymore. Maybe it was because I never really wanted anyone before, not like this at least. But whatever the reason I was offended. Wasn't I a woman? Didn't that mean anything? I grabbed the glasses and made my way back to the table.

"Here you are," I set the beers down quickly and started to make my rounds. Taking orders. Getting tips. Doing my job. Whenever I got some down time I'd make a few glances towards my friends. First time I ever feel something for anyone, and it has to be them. Friends. The worst place to be. I tried to look like I was swamped everything they called me over.

"Miss? Miss?" I snapped out of it and turned my attention to the redheaded girl in front of me. "Can I get a Cosmo, please?"

I tried to hide my laugh at her order. No one ever got a Cosmopolitan here. Ever. "Sure thing." It took me a few seconds before I realized I had no idea what went into it.

"You don't make many Cosmos, do you?" She smiled at me as I shook my head, "Vodka, Triple-Sec, cranberry, and lime."

I grabbed a shaker and mixed everything, pouring it out into a small glass, "Sorry, we don't have those fancy glasses."

"I don't mind," I waited eagerly as she took a sip. Thumbs up, excellent. "I'm Ashley," she held out her hand and we shook.

"O'Dell."

She nodded, "What's your first name?"

"Christina."

"And you must be from Ireland. Am I right?" I nodded, "I'm from out West, California. Came to the city to be a journalist."

"There's no news in California?"

"Not like over here," she took another sip of her drink and I stole another look at the guys. They seemed to be having their normal good time tonight. Ashley looked over her shoulder, "Which one's your boyfriend?"

"What?" I felt the heat as my face slowly turned red.

"You keep looking over there," she nodded back.

"Oh, no," I pulled the towel from the waist of my apron and wiped up the counter, "They're just friends of mine."

"I don't look at any of my friends like that," she raised her eyebrows. "So I take it you like one of 'em. Which one?"

I kept wiping the counter down, "I don't know what you're talking about." She was intuitive; I'll give her that.

"The bearded one?"

"Rocco? Oh God, no," I made my best that's-so-gross face that I could.

"Hey, that's the one I'd have chosen," I laughed, and she took another sip. "Then which one?"

"What's it to you?" I waved at a large group of our patrons as they left, then pulled out a cigarette.

She shrugged, "To be frank with you, I don't know anyone from around here. I've been trying to find anyone the least bit interesting to, you know, hang out with. Make friends. Socialize. You seem nice enough."

"Seriously?" I looked at her, dumbfounded. Girls didn't exactly want to be friends with me. Not in school. Not when they discovered my occupation. Not even when I tried to be nice.

"Of course I'm serious."

"It's just most ladies aren't asking me to go get pedicures with them, if you catch my meaning."

She laughed, "And you're funny, too. See, we're perfect."

I examined her for a few seconds. No red flags were going off, she seemed all right. I guess, there'd be no harm in trying something new. Besides, I needed to break my mold a bit. "When'd you move here?"

"About a month ago. You?"

"Year."

"And how long have you," she nodded back to the boys' booth again, "you know?"

"Well, I only really got to know them about eight or nine months ago, but it probably started before then."

"Ooo, them?" She gave this wicked smile before finishing her drink. "And in eight months you haven't tried anything?" I shook my head. "Why not?"

"They wouldn't think of me that way." I had to admit, it was nice to get to talk to someone about this.

"Why do you say that?"

"Just look at me," I laughed.

"What are you talking about? I'd kill to look like you." I glared at her. There was no way she was serious. I looked like I just rolled out of bed half the time. "Look, if you just put a bit of effort into it, I promise you they won't be able to keep their hands off of you."

I squinted at her, "I wouldn't know the first thing to do."

"Have you tried wearing make-up?"

"I am wearing make-up!"

She laughed before standing up from her seat, "You working tomorrow?"

"Nope."

"Then meet me here at noon, I'll help you out." She set a twenty on the counter and walked out the door. A few more people made their way out of the place, and before I knew it the guys were sitting at the bar.

"What was with the redhead?" Rocco slurred his words slightly.

"Just a friend of mine, I guess." The three looked at me skeptically, "She's got a bit of a thing for you too, Roc."

"Did you talk me up?"

"Of course, brother!" I winked at him. "Hey Doc," I yelled to the store room, "I'm going to call it a night, if that's alright with you?" I waited to hear his obscenity laden yes. "Well, boys. I'll see you tomorrow."

"But we're only just getting to talk to you," Murphy uncharacteristically whined.

"I know, I know. I'm not working tomorrow, so I'll make up for it, okay?" I took off my apron and grabbed my keys.

"You better!" I waved at them lazily before opening the door and heading home.


	9. 9: Fast Friends

**Hello! New chapter! I have a bunch of time on my hands since school is out (woo hoo) and that means more writing time. So please do me a favor and review/PM me with your critiques, ideas, babblings, worries, hates, likes, or any other thing you feel like saying. I have a clear plan for this story, but I of course need your help keeping things on track and awesome (plus the more reviews I get the more I write, the more I write the more I update, and it goes on and on). Also, a giant THANK YOU to everyone who reads this thing, as well as my beta-reader KathleenSmiles! You are amazing! ENJOYYY!**

9: Fast Friends

I felt so uncomfortable standing outside of McGinty's. It was like the first day of school all over again, except the added worry because I wasn't entirely sure Ashley would show. I kept fidgeting with my outfit, hoping that she might approve of the nicest blouse I had here in Boston. I pulled out a cigarette to calm my nerves, give my hands something to do, and to make me look like I wasn't a nervous wreck.

"Christina!" The second I saw her bounding across the street I smiled. She made it. Finally… Someone new.

"Ashley, right?" I held out my hand, but she slapped it away and gave me a hug instead.

"Oh stop it, you know who I am," I was taken about by how quick she was to trust me, not to mention hug me.

I eventually patted her on the back, I'd have to get used to the whole human contact thing, "So what are we doing today, Ash?"

"Ooo Ash, I like that," she looped her arm in mine, "Well, I hope you brought your money because there are a few boutique looking shops a couple blocks north? I figured we'd start there and see what we can find."

"Sounds like a plan," we started down the street.

"So are you in school or anything?"

"Nope, I've just been tending bar," I nodded back to the pub.

"I've always wanted a friend with an accent."

I laughed at her, "You said you're a journalist?"

"Yeah, I wrote a few things for the Globe since I got here, but nothing has made the page yet."

"Well, if I ever hear of a good scoop I'll let you know. I mean, what are friends for, right?"

"Exactly what I was thinking." We stopped for a moment and looked into the window of the first shop, "Let's go in here." I followed her in and she ran off to the clothing racks. It had been a long time since I've been shopping for something other than food or soap. I trudged over to the nearest rack and examined a few shirts there. "What do you think of this?"

I looked back at Ashley, she was holding up a bright pink dress. I put on a fake grin, "That looks cute."

"I'm glad you think so, you should try it on."

"What?" she held the hanger in my direction, "Oh, I thought you meant for you."

"We're not shopping for me today, O'Dell. I happen to have plenty of cute clothes."

She persisted with the atrocious dress, but I held up my hands to stop her, "I think I want to be going for more of a classic look."

"Yeah, sure. Worn out jeans and black t-shirts are considered classic now?" She rolled her eyes before turning back to the clothes. And thus began the longest four hours of my life. I tried on fifty different outfits, and if Ashley hadn't been the most stress-free person I had ever met I probably would have given up after the first five. But we fought through it, and out of all that work I had a week and a half's worth of new clothes.

"I'm still jealous of you," she said as she helped me lug the bags up to my apartment.

"And why's that?"

"Just about everything looks good on you, even with those tattoos."

"Pshh," I opened up my door and we threw everything on the bed.

"I'm not jealous of your place though," she looked around cynically.

"I might live in squalor, but at least it's home. And not to mention work adjacent."

"Alright, if you like it then I guess it can't be that bad." She set her purse down and pulled out another bag, "Now go take a quick shower and then we'll address your make-up."

"Alright, I'll just be a minute," I shut the bathroom door behind me and turned the water on warm. I needed this. Time with someone new. Time with anyone knew, honestly. Once I had washed and rinsed I did a quick towel off and threw on my robe.

"Okay," she handed me a brush, "You comb and I'll foundation." At six o'clock, after what felt like a lifetime of detangling, following obscure directions, and being pampered in ways I had never been pampered before Ashley finally took a step back. "I tell you, I might have to pursuer a career in cosmetology if the whole journalist thing doesn't pan out," she licked her thumb and rubbed just under my eye, "Perfect. Take a look."

I stood up and took the five steps to the mirror, "Jesus Christ. You're a miracle worker."

She laughed, "I guess you can say that." She began searching the shopping bags and pulled out the black dress I found, "Now put this on and let me have a look at you." I grabbed the hanger and went to change. It was weird, doing girly things, but a part of me almost enjoyed it. That part of me was of course hidden deep under everything else, but it was still there and it was happy that Ash had deemed me worthy. I felt a rush of self-consciousness when I stepped into the main room of my studio apartment. "You look like an Irish Audrey Hepburn in that thing. Well, with a rounder face. And you're showing a bit more leg than she ever would, but still." I fidgeted under her compliments. "How do you like it?"

I shrugged, "You sure it isn't a bit much?"

She shook her head, "Just right, if you ask me. Now put these on," she pulled a pair of heels out of her purse and my eyes widened with fear.

"I'm not going to take your shoes…"

"Oh don't worry, they're too big for me anyway."

"Alright, I'll wear 'em. But you have to promise me something." I slid the shoes on, grateful that they were at least a little bit comfortable.

"Sure, what?"

"The next time we hang out, none of this girly stuff."

"Cross my heart," she made a cross over her heart with a smile. "So you think you're ready to 'wow' 'em tonight?"

I sighed and sat on the bed, she joined me in an instant. "I dunno. I don't really do that sort of thing."

"I'm sure you'll do fine. Just act like you did the last time you went on a date." I felt the red of embarrassment flood my face and I tried to hide my face as subtly as I could. I hadn't had a boyfriend since I was young, and even then I beat the kid up for trying to kiss me on the playground. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I've been busy."

"So you're a… you know… virgin?"

I shook my head with a chuckle, "No. No, I just haven't gone on dates or had boyfriends or anything like that."

She looked at me skeptically, "You'll do fine." I tried to smile at her, but the worry didn't allow it. "You said that bearded guy was going to be there right?" I nodded, "Then I'll join you, show you how it's done." She scooped all her things into her bag, "I'll have to run home first, change and everything, but I'll be there by eight." She gave me one last hug and disappeared out the door.

"This is a bad idea," I looked in the mirror again and cringed. It wasn't that I didn't like how I looked, I just felt so exposed. Jeans were safe. Tank tops were safe. Dresses were not safe. Not here. Maybe back at home, but not here. I went to my dresser and opened the bottom drawer rummaging through them until I found my guns. Back home people knew. They knew who I was and they either still loved me or were scared of me. Here people just thought I was some fragile girl who moved to America to make her life better. They didn't really know me. Or at least, they didn't know the old me. Maybe I was changing? Maybe I could be a girl every now and then? I set the gun back and closed the drawer. "Nothing to lose, I guess." I grabbed my bag and headed out for the night, nervous and worried with just a small pinch of excited adrenaline in my veins.


	10. 10: Jitters

**Hello! New chapter! It's a bit short, but them's the breaks. I'll start working on the next one later today hopefully. Anyways, make sure to review with your thoughts and criticisms. Thank you for reading this, and giving it a chance. ENJOY!**

10: Jitters.

When I slithered through the door to McGinty's I couldn't have been happier. The place was dead other than a few regulars and Doc. I walked over, the clacking of my heels making me anxious. I branched away from my usual seat, my corner seat, and sat closer towards the middle of the counter than I really felt comfortable with. Trying new things is good. Tonight's different. Don't worry.

"What can I-I-I get you, O'Dell?"

"Just the usual," I smiled at him as he turned to pour the whiskey. There was a strange shakiness to his hands tonight, "Is everything alright?"

"W-What? Wh-Wh-Why would you-fuck s-say that?"

He set the glass in front of me, "You're shakin' like a leaf." It was then that I saw the anguish on his face. I hated that. Doc was a sweet man. He had been good to me from the second I stepped off the boat. "You can tell me. Maybe I can help?"

"It's j-just the b-bar. They're s-saying they won't be renue-renue-renue-ass-ing my lease."

"Why the fuck not?" He shrugged, and I knew there would be no good answer. "Who's doing this to you? You know I can help." Doc had been the only one who I told anything to. He knew what I used to do. He knew I could take care of it.

"I don't want you getting wrapped up in this," his eyes darted from the other men in the pub back to me, "You just s-s-stay outta this. You promise me."

I wanted to help him in any way I could, but I owed him more. "Alright, I promise I'll mind my own business." I sloshed the drink back in one gulp, "But if things get bad, you let me help." We turned towards the door when it opened.

"Rocco!" I smiled at him as I pulled out a cigarette instinctively.

"The boys aren't here yet?" he sat a seat down from me and Doc poured him a beer with those shaky hands. "What's with the fancy get-up, O'Dell? You have a date or something?" And just like that all the cool I had regained disappeared, and I was left feeling more anxious than before.

I smiled when I saw Doc reach across the counter and slap the side of Rocco's head, causing the bearded man to curse, "What the boy's t-t-trying to s-say –fuck-ass- is that you look lovely t-t-tonight."

"Aww, thank you, Doc. I just figured I'd try something new, ya know?" He slid a larger glass of whiskey in front of me with a wink. I don't think Doc had ever said I looked good before, or winked at me, at least not in a very long time. He normally had a worried look when it came to me. Doc, my surrogate father in the States. Maybe Ashley was onto something. Maybe change was good. "So, it's an improvement then?" I took a long sip.

"You look good, O'Dell," he gave me a slap on my back.

"That girl, Ashley, my friend from last night," I straightened up and took another sip and drag, "You remember her?"

"The red-head?"

I nodded. Hearing the door open behind us I continued, "She said she'd be by tonight to see you."

"Ooo, Rocco's got himself an admirer," I tensed at the sound of Murphy's voice. Anxiety, worry, nervous adrenaline rushes all flowed through me as I struggled to keep my cool. I wasn't ready for this. What was it Ashley said? What was I supposed to do until she got here? Nothing. She didn't prepare me for this. I looked at the clock. I had an hour. A whole hour to flounder here on my own until she arrived. Great…

They sat on either side of Rocco, "My lord, Christina is that you?" Connor spoke from beside me.

I slammed back the rest of the drink in an attempt to combat the blushing. Doc saved me, "Yes, doesn't Ms. O'Dell look gorgeous tonight?"

"There's no arguing that, but what's the occasion?" Curiosity filled his eyes.

I shrugged, "Felt like trying something new." I motioned for Doc to pour me another. I needed to loosen up, that was the only way I could get through this.

"I don't believe you, darlin'." That smirk. That damn smirk.

"Yeah, you must be trying to impress someone or you'd look like you normally do. You know, without all the," Murphy motioned to his face, "stuff on your face."

Ash's plan had backfired. Obviously. Horribly. Who was I kidding? "All you had to do is say I look ridiculous, you don't have to go and beat a dead horse about it."

"We didn't say you looked bad, you just don't look like our O'Dell."

I felt a wave of anger. This is what I get for trying: scrutiny and judgment. So they're mad that I don't look like an effeminate man? That plus the day I spent doing things I didn't really enjoy made me snap. You can wrap me in different clothes, you can paint my face with clown make-up for all I care, but at the end of the day I'll always just be good ol' O'Dell, "I don't see what the big deal is, I don't go making a whole thing of it when you dress nicely. Oh wait… That's never happened."

"There she is," Rocco laughed holding his glass up to me.


	11. 11: From Bad To Worse

**Hello! New chapter, hopefully fun (I thought it was). Make sure to review with your thoughts and critique. ENJOY!**

11: From Bad To Worse

I had no business in romance, and I have known it my whole life. This wasn't news; it wasn't some surprising change of pace from the way things were back home. Just more of the same, and even though I wanted to break out and get to feel something there was this vast section of myself that said I wouldn't be able to handle it. I noticed the bar was slowly but surely filling up with people, and that just made me all the more uneasy. I took another long sip from the glass in front of me as I looked at the clock. Ashley should be here by now. I took a few drags from my cigarette and tried to calm myself down.

"Are we boring you, Christina?"

I looked back at the trio, "What? No, my friend is just runnin' a few minutes late."

"See, I was right. You do have a date," they laughed.

I felt a hand on my back, "Christina! Don't you just look gorgeous." Ashley kissed my cheek. Finally, she made it. She saved the day, "Sorry I'm late, you know how it goes. Come on, let's get a booth." She looked at the boys, "You three are more than welcome to join us." I couldn't believe how nonchalant she was, but I figured she knew a great deal more than me about how to act. As she walked away I quickly had Doc fill up the cup, and I noticed Rocco stand up and follow her like a puppy dog. I hated to admit it, but maybe she was onto something.

"I didn't know you were into the ladies, O'Dell," Connor's arm wrapped around my shoulders. I looked up at him, at first taken aback by how close he was standing, but I shook myself out of it and glared.

"It does make an awful lot of sense now that you mention it, seeing as how we've never seen you around with a man or anything."

"I'm not a lesbian," I shot the drink back, "She's just my friend. I am allowed to have friends of my own gender, aren't I?" I looked back to Doc, "One more Doc, if you'd be a dear." He quickly filled the cup with a wink. I shrugged it off and went to meet Ash and Rocco at the booth. I slid in beside the two, Ashley was already giggling away like a schoolgirl, and the twins sat across from us. Was I supposed to giggle? I don't think I can do that, at least not without being properly shitfaced. I nudged her with my elbow, "Ashley, would you please tell these two that we aren't on a date." I was about to light a new cigarette when Ash's hand shot out and stopped me. "Seriously?"

She leaned over and whispered, "Trust me."

With a sigh I returned the pack to my bag. First heels and now no cigarettes; she better not try to keep me from drinking my way through tonight or I might just have to draw the line. I refrained, "Tell them this isn't a date, please."

"Well, it could be if they want it to," she smirked with a wink to the twins, who now wore some of the most ridiculous smiles I had ever seen.

My face melted into a look of shock and horror, "I mean us on a date, you and me," I pointed at her then back at me.

"Oh!" she burst into laughter, more giggling. I don't care if it works for her, it will be a cold day in Hell before I ever fucking giggle, "No. No. No. Christina and I..." she shook her head, "No way. Not to say she isn't amazing, but we both enjoy men far too much."

"See, I told you so," I took a large gulp from my drink.

"Hey, would you go get me a Cosmo?" Ashley smiled at me. Nodding while I took the last gulps of my own drink, I got up and went over to the bar. It was nice to get a few seconds away from Ashley 'at work.' Truthfully this was somewhere between a bad idea and the worst idea ever; I felt uncomfortable, the drinks were only finally hitting me, and all I really wanted was to curl up in my bed and cry my loneliness away. I even debated bolting, but if there was one thing that Christina O'Dell was it wasn't a quitter. Instead I patiently told Doc what exactly went into the drink while I drummed my fingers on the dark wood. I only had a few seconds of peace before being accosted by hot breath and overconfident hands.

"Hey there beautiful, how'd you like me to buy you a drink?"

I looked at the man: young, early twenties I'd say, probably a businessman by the suit and tie, red in the face so he obviously can't handle his liquor. He wasn't horrible looking, I'd give him that, but I wasn't about to be clawed at by just anyone. After I finished examining him I looked down at the hand on my waist, well that was too low to be considered my waist. I grabbed his wrist and removed the hand, "I'm fine, thanks."

The paw returned a bit more firm than before, "Oh, come on. Just one drink."

I removed the hand again with a sigh, "I said I'm fine."

Now it might have been the drinks, or the fact that I was more irritable than normal after the long day I had, or the excess of social anxiety from tonight, but the third time that hand grabbed my ass I lost it. Fist to face in one fluid movement. I felt a bit better as his nose broke under my knuckles. He stumbled back with a flicker of fear in his eyes, "Stuck-up bitch!" His friends were by his side in seconds, "This place is a dive, let's get out of here." And off they ran, like the sissies they were.

I turned back to the counter, "Sorry about losing you business. I can try to make up for it?"

Doc smiled at me and slid the drinks over, "D-D-Don't w-worry. We d-don't n-n-fuck-need those kinds of p-people in h-here. Y-You just have a nice n-night off." I picked up the glasses and smiled at him. Doc had to be the nicest person I had ever met, besides my brother and mum. I was glad to have him in my life. A wonderful consolation prize.

Ashley looked furious when I sat back down, "Did you have to punch that guy?"

"He kept grabbin' my ass, didn't expect me to let that slide, did you?" I laughed, setting the drink in front of her before downing a mouthful from my own.

"Didn't O'Dell tell you that was how we met her?"

Connor laughed as Murphy continued his thought, "Knocked our Rocco here out in one punch."

"Really?" I couldn't tell if she looked impressed or disgusted, and before I could figure it out she put her hand up and started to whisper in my ear, "Alright, so while you were gone I gathered some Intel. They're both single. I'll tell you more when we go to the bathroom, but for now laugh like I just said something funny."

"You can't really want me to-"

"Just do it," I busted out into fake laughter. And that was how it went; Ashley would tell me to do something and then I would do it. Occasionally I'd deviate, but the more I drank the easier it was. The weirdest part was when Ashley said she needed to powder her nose, and then made me go with her. I'd heard that girls did this, but I thought it was just a joke. I was wrong.

"So, Ms. O'Dell," she grabbed my hands and did a little cha-cha in the narrow ladies room, "How are you feeling?"

Oddly enough I felt my now swollen feet join hers in the movement, "I'm quite a bit more drunk than I thought I was. And you Ms. Palette?"

"Tonight's been fun. I haven't gotten to cut loose in so long," she turned to the mirror and started fixing her make-up and I copied her, not knowing exactly what to do. "So do you want to know what they said about you?"

"They said something about me?"

"I did have to snake it out of them," she stopped and looked at me through the reflection, "They just said that you're hilarious and beautiful."

"Really?" Inside I cringed at how childish I sounded.

"Well, that and you're intimidating, but let's focus on the good for now." She pulled something out of her purse and patted it on her nose, "What we are going to do now is leave."

"What? Why?"

"You always gotta keep them wanting more. Rule #1." She laughed when she saw how confused I was, "Don't worry, it'll work out in our favor. I'm going to say I'm not feeling well, and that you should walk me home."

"Why?"

"Well, I can't walk home alone, can I?" She started fussing with my dress, "Besides, you broke that guy's face earlier. I'd be the safest girl in Boston."

I was about to argue her plan, seeing as how I really wasn't up for a walk in these shoes, or the whole wobbly footing from my eight or nine drinks, but I decided against it. I couldn't let her walk home alone, even if she said she didn't live that far. "Alright, sounds like a plan." She smoothed out the fabric one last time and headed out and back to the booth.

"Well, I'm sorry you guys, but I have to call it a night."

"I can walk you home, if you'd want," Rocco perked up from his corner.

"Oh no, Christina said she would." I nodded quietly from her side before grabbing my glass and finishing what was left of it, "But thanks for a fun night. We'll have to hang out again sometime." She pulled me away before I could say anything.

-o0o-

"Why are you so uptight?" Ashley and I had resorted to leaning on each other for stability on what felt like the longest walk of my life.

"I'm not uptight."

Ashley laughed, "It took you a hundred drinks to loosen up. That means you're uptight."

I shrugged, "I don't know. I've been that way ever since I got here."

"From Ireland?" I nodded, "Is it pretty there?"

"Aye."

"We should go! On vacation, that way you can show me all the sights."

"I can't go back."

"Of course you can go back," she nudged me and pointed to the nearest door. "This is me."

"So how'd I do as a bodyguard on these mean streets?"

"Fabulous, my darling!" she exclaimed at the top of her lungs, earning us an angry 'Shhh' from a nearby window. "I'll be working on a few things, but if I get some spare time I'll come to the bar and see ya."

"Sounds good," I helped her up the steps.

"Have a safe walk back."

"I will," I took a few uneven steps down the block with a wave, "Goodnight."

"Night," she waved back and disappeared into the building.

As I walked I began to hate the shoes Ash had lent me. Every step was pain, and I was so tired. I couldn't even walk in a straight line if I tried. I looked at the street sign; only a few more blocks and I'll be home. I'd get to curl up and take off these God forsaken shoes. The usual groups of inebriated people were migrating from the bars to their homes, and here I was one of them. Just a few more blocks.

"Hey, Steve, isn't that the bitch that broke your nose?" I looked up, and stopped in my tracks. There was the belligerent man from earlier, it was only him and one other fella now, but a sting of fear ran trough me.

"Isn't it our lucky day," they made a lunge at me, and I tried to turn and run but I rolled my ankle. Damn shoes. Fuck these shoes. I'm never wearing heels again. They managed to pull me into the nearest ally and throw me against the wall, and with all my efforts I couldn't throw a decent punch at either of them.

Instead I just stood there flailing, "Get the fuck off of me, you—" a hand covered my mouth before I could finish my sentence and I felt a fist hit my stomach. Then another. I struggled and fought, but it didn't make a difference.

"Oi, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Was that? The men were pulled off of me before I could finish my thought, and I ran back out into the streetlight. I couldn't see what was happening in the alleyway, but I heard grunts and thuds and I knew someone was beating the crap out of those two assholes. I leaned against the streetlamp and tried to take the weight off of my ankle. The noise from the alley quieted and two familiar faces stepped onto the sidewalk.

"O'Dell?" Connor looked surprised to see me for a moment, but reflexed into a smirk, "I'd have thought you'd be able to take care of those two on your own. Or are you losing your nerve?"

I swayed against the building, losing my balance for a few seconds, "I drank to much to put up a decent fight, I'm afraid." Then I motioned down to my foot, "But it's mainly these fucking shoes. They made me roll my ankle."

"What are you doing wearing those things anyway?"

I felt a chuckle bubble up from my stomach and drain out of me, "It's a funny story actually." I started to slide down towards the cement, but two sets of hands were there to pick me up.

"Let's get you home." They tried to take a few steps forward with me between them, but I kept slipping out of it.

"You just carry her," Murphy pushed me into his brother's arms.

"Why do I have to?"

"Quit bitchin', it's not like she's heavy."

"Fine," he swept me up and my feet instantly felt 100 times better, "You are a light little thing, aren't you O'Dell?"

I reached towards my feet to be rid of the beasts, but I couldn't get a hold of them, "Can you take them off. Please? They're evil." Murphy grabbed them, and I was finally free, "Ooo, that's the stuff. My hero!"

They laughed for a few strides before Connor started, "Why were you even wearing those things?"

I giggled. Wait, did I just fucking giggle? First I can't hold my own in a fight and now I'm giggling. Well, it's really more of a dainty laugh than a giggle, isn't it? I daintily laughed all the way to my building before calming myself, "You're going to think this is hilarious," Connor set me down on the top step and Murph handed me my shoes, "Thank you for doing that."

"Get on with it then, if it's so hilarious."

"I was actually trying to impress you two." I couldn't read their expressions, "I know, totally ridiculous of me. But Ashley said I should at least try since I like you both so much, and I figured, 'What's the worst that could happen?' and naturally it ended horribly."

"Are you serious, Christina?"

"Oh, don't go getting weird on me. I'm really not offended, but I do need to hit the hay as you lot say over here. Oh, and thank you for rescuing me. I've never been rescued before, so it was a refreshing experience to say the least." I opened the door and stood in the doorway, "Well, goodnight!" I waved at their still unreadable faces and shut the door. "Finally. Now if I can just make it up these stairs and into bed so I can have a good cry," and I started off, climbing the steps on my hands and knees.

**Author's Note and Fun Fact: While making revisions to this chapter, I was actually watching The Boondock Saints for the billionth time. :) **


	12. 12: Just Focus

**Hello! New chapter. Thank you for reading! Review with your comments and criticisms. And ENJOY!**

12: Just Focus.

The blare of my alarm clock woke me up and I fantasized about took throwing it against the wall and smashing it into little bits. Instead I rolled out of bed onto my aching feet and went to take a shower. I let out a groan as the warm water hit my face. What the hell had I been thinking last night? Couldn't I have just left well enough alone? I looked down at myself. There were purple marks over the skin of my abs. How long had it been since I'd been bruised? Too long. Something about them felt like home, my only regret was that I didn't get a chance defend myself properly. My mind continued to wander as I poured the shampoo. Once I was scrubbed and clean I went on with my morning routine. I actually made an attempt with make-up today, just to see if I could do it on my own. It wasn't as good as when Ash did it, but it was decent. I grabbed a quick breakfast, then I had to finished getting ready for work. Work. Oh Lord, I hope the boys don't come in during my shift. I don't think I could stomach the embarrassment. I grabbed one of my new pairs of jeans and an old black t-shirt and slid on some flip-flops before locking up and starting downstairs. No more heels. No more heels ever. I made it downstairs and out of the building. I nearly knocked myself out when I collided into the bar's door. There was no way I was early, but the door was still locked

I knocked a few times, "Doc, it's O'Dell, open up!"

I heard some rustling inside before the door opened, "O'Dell, I t-thought you would be coming in late today?"

"You said afternoon shift," I walked in, "Why? Did you change your mind?"

"No, I just f-f-figured you'd be sleep-p-ping in after last night."

"Was I that bad?" I wrapped the apron around my waist.

"Oh, no. You just s-s-s-fuck-seemed a bit more stressed than usual. I h-hope it wasn't because of w-what I told ya about the b-bar."

"That does have me worried, but no. Something totally different was bothering me yesterday."

"You c-can tell Ol' Doc," he took a seat across from me at the bar.

"I was just being stupid, it's nothing to worry about."

"B-B-Bullshit. It's the least I-I can do for you helping m-me with the bar."

"I guess you're right," I sighed and leaned against the back counter, "I just sort of have feeling for—" I paused, not really wanting to have to finish that sentence.

"One of the t-t-twins?" he smiled at me as I began to blush like a little girl, "That's b-been obvious for a w-while now, lass."

Of course he knew. Doc knows everything. "Maybe it was obvious to you, but they were completely shocked. You'd have thought I told them I was a killer with the looks they gave me," I smiled at him cheekily and waited for the joke to hit him.

When it did he exploded in laughter, taking a solid minute before he caught his breath again, "Well, at l-l-least you can joke about it." He stood up, still chuckling, and made his way back to the storage room, before stopping dead in his tracks.

"You okay there, old man?"

"What d-day is it O'Dell?"

"Saturday." I murmured as I started getting things ready for the day, moving around various bottles and glasses.

"Which S-Saturday?"

"Saturday the seventeenth."

"Shit!" he bustled out of the room before returning with his coat on, "I told my s-s-s-ass-sister I'd see her today. It's her birthday t-tomorrow. D-Do you think you can run the place wh-while I'm gone?"

"Of course, when'll you be back?"

"Not 'til after c-closing."

Crap. "Okay, you be sure not to drive recklessly now. I'll want you back all in one piece." He smiled as he made his way out. I kept getting everything ready until the first few daytime drinkers came in. It was a Saturday. That's good. A busy day at work was just what I needed. And Saturdays are always busy.

-o0o-

Eventually the day turned into night, and time flew as I poured drinks. With the crowd came my peace. No time to think. No time to do anything but my job, and tonight I was in the zone. Nothing could throw me off. Even when the twins came in followed closely by Rocco I kept my composure.

"The usual for you three?" I didn't really look at them, I just pulled up the glasses.

"I think I'm going to do something different, O'Dell." Rocco scanned the bottles behind me, "Rum and Coke?"

"How fancy," I smile as I poured the drinks. Focus on the job. Just do your job and get through closing. I slid the drinks over.

"Thank you, Christina." I gave in and looked up at Connor as he picked up the glass with a wink.

"Aye. Thanks, beautiful." I felt the wave of blush over my face. Keep cool, O'Dell. I gave a smile and a nod. So, they weren't mad? Were they mad?

"Alright, what the fuck did I miss?" Rocco was sporting his now commonplace perplexed expression.

Connor threw his arm around him and the trio started towards one of the booths, "Oh, we've got a story to tell you."

The worry hit me like a brick wall. Shit. Now they were going to have a laugh about it. At my expense. Shit.

"O'Dell, can I get a refill over here?" I went back to pouring. Just focus on your job. Don't worry. It'll all blow over in a week, maybe less. Besides, it's not like those three don't do stupid shite all the time. And with the rationalization I was back to work.


	13. 13: A Hard Day's Night

**Hello! New installment of this tale of everyone's favorite Irishmen. Please do me a favor and send me some reviews with your thoughts/comments/criticisms/anything really. Hearing your opinions totally helps me shape the story, and it encourages me to crank out more chapters. (hint hint) Anywho, thank you for reading and ENJOY!**

13: A Hard Day's Night

When Ashley sat down at the bar I couldn't have been more relieved. The crowd had mellowed enough for me to take a break, and it felt like I had loads to tell her. I leaned into the counter in front of her and smiled, "A Cosmo for you?"

"Three days and you already know me well," her voice wasn't as lively as it had been the last two days, and she looked like a ghost of her former self. Bags under her eyes, only remnants of her make-up from last night, and she had a slouch to her.

"Long day of working?" I poured her drink, making it stronger than I normally would.

She nodded as I slid the drink over, "The paper called, told me to write a piece on some mob family."

"Tough?"

"No one's talking. But I have a few weeks before the deadline, so I still have time to find something interesting to write about."

I smiled, "You can always ask Rocco."

She took a sip of her drink, squishing her face up from the taste, "That's so strong."

"Well, you looked like you needed it." I laughed as she agreed. " Besides, I have a story to tell you and it'll be less embarrassing if you've had a stiff drink." I looked around; everyone was drinking from their glasses, talking. I even glanced at the boys' table, which I had been avoiding all night except for the occasional refills they required; they were laughing loudly and going through their usual rough housing.

"Ooo," she perked right up, taking a larger sip this time, "Do tell."

I grabbed a bottle of the good whiskey and a glass, pouring a couple splashes into the glass and pulling out a cigarette. Lighting the end and taking a drink of the fiery contents, "So, after I walked you home something happened."

"You didn't come back here, did you?" I shook my head, emptying the rest of the glass into my gullet. "Then what happened?"

"Well, I was walking home in those God damned shoes."

She held the cup to her lips again, "Hey! You looked good last night, and they helped."

"Well those shoes twisted my ankle." She opened her mouth to object, but I stopped her, "That pervert, the one whose nose I broke? Well, he and one of his friends jumped me on my way back." I lifted my shirt to show her the bruises.

"Oh my God, Christina. Are you okay?" her face was full of concern. I hadn't had someone look at me like that since my mother. That was the same look Ma wore when I came home from my first fight, all bloody and broken, smiling like a fool. Worried, but relieved that I was standing there in front of her.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. No thanks to your fucking shoes, lass." I shook my head, "If it wasn't for the twins showing up I'd look a whole lot worse."

"They showed up?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?" I took another drag from my cigarette.

She took a sip, "Then what?"

"They saved me," just as I said it Ashley got this mischievous smile on her face. "I don't see what you're smiling about. It's embarrassing."

Then her smile turned into giggles, "You, a damsel in distress?" A few of the patrons looked over at us, so I motioned for her to keep it down. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she quieted her laughter, "It's just, after seeing the way you punched that guy," a few more sniggers came out of her, "I don't think I can ever picture you as some helpless chick."

I stared at her for a second, annoyed, sucking in the last few puffs of the cigarette. "Well, it's not like it's going to be happening again," I snuffed the butt into a nearby ashtray.

"You were right, that was quite a story you had there."

I held up my hand, "Oh, it's not over just yet." She took another sip and motioned eagerly for me to continue, "So they saved me. Drunk me. Drunk and injured me."

"Get on with it woman!" she slapped my arm with a smile.

"Alright, alright." I was almost anxious for how she'd react to the last bit. I could tell she was trying hard to help me yesterday, and I probably ruined the whole thing. "Well, they carried me home all gentlemanly like, and I was out of it, so then I kind of told them… you know."

"You didn't," her shocked face said it all. I totally fucked this up. "What did they say?"

"I dunno, I bolted right away like a fucking scared rabbit, now didn't I?" She took the last sips of her drink as I stood their, "I've made a hames of it haven't I?"

"Aww, I'm sure it'll be fine Christina."

"That's easy for you to say, you didn't make a total arse of yourself."

"O'Dell, we're closing out down here!"

"Alright! Keep your pants on," I turned back to Ashley, "Duty calls, my dear."

"When you come back I'll have another," she shook the empty glass at me.

I did my rounds, closing out a few customers, refreshing others' drinks. It was a good fifteen minutes before I got back to Ash, and by then she moved to the booth that the boys were at. Wonderful. Fucking wonderful. I poured her drink and brought it over to her.

"Finally," she took the glass from me smiling. "I was thinking you forgot about me."

"It's just busy," I started to turn, wanting to get as far away from the table as I could.

"Where's Doc? Isn't he usually here when it's busy?" Shit. And I was so close to getting away. At least they didn't seem to be acting weird anymore. Maybe they'd just let it go.

I answered Murphy, "He's visiting his sister."

"Have you been working all day then?" I nodded to Connor. "Sounds like Doc's being a bit of a slave master, doesn't it Murph?" he said with a wicked smile.

"Aye, we'll have to have a word with him about it. Now won't we?"

"Aye, can't go having such a pretty thing overworked, can we now?" Of course they weren't going to let it go. These were the twins we are talking about, they never let anything go, the bastards.

I ignored the bulk of what they said, "Speaking of, I best be getting back to it," I went over to help a regular. Work, just what I needed to keep my mind off of things.

-o0o-

By the time last call rolled around I was back to a calm state of mind. The remaining drinkers paid their tabs and made their way out of the bar. Now there would be no more avoiding them.

"Oi, you four!" I began to wipe down tables, "I'm closing up."

They rolled out of the booth and brought their glasses to the counter. "I'll see you in a few days probably," Ashley came up behind me and gave me a hug before turning to Rocco, "Walk me home?"

"You sure you don't want O'Dell to?" as the four started to laugh at me I rolled my eyes.

"Oh yes, have a laugh about it," Ash waved as the pair left the bar and I went back to cleaning. Once the tables were done I turned to the bar. There the twins were, sitting at the counter with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths and smug expressions on their faces. "Let's hear it then," I made my way behind the bar and their gaze followed me.

"Hear what?" they said in unison.

"Come on, you've only been giving me a hard time the whole day. I don't expect you to be stopping now."


	14. 14: Stuck For Life

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14: Stuck For Life.

"How have we been giving you a hard time?" Seriously? I glared up at Murphy for a second before going back to my cleaning.

"Aye, we've been nothing but nice, haven't we?"

"Oh, come off it, I ain't daft. I know you were only makin' fun of me." I set down the glass I was working on and pulled out a cigarette. "I feel bad enough about last night as it is." I flicked the lighter a few times, struggling just to get the flame to stay.

"Here," an arm reached over and lit the end I'd been struggling with. Aequitas.

"Thanks," I said mid puff, then returned to the glasses.

"You shouldn't feel bad, sweetheart." I turned my attention, confused expression and all, to Connor. "We know we're irresistible. This sort of thing happens all the time."

"Seriously?" It made sense. I mean, here I was, never really wanting anyone before in my life and they got to me. If they could get to me, then no one else stood a chance against the charming bastards. I still didn't know if I should be relieved or offended.

"Of course not," he cracked up at his own cleverness as I rolled my eyes.

"I'd think you'd know that, seeing as you're with us all the time."

I shrugged at them, setting the last glass back in its place, "Well that's all well and good," I hung up my apron, "but if you don't mind I'd like to be getting home now." It was the truth. I was tired, and all I wanted was a nice long sleep followed by an easy day tomorrow. An easy day with no cheeky comments and a quiet night's work.

They exchanged some look; one of those secret twin looks that they did that annoyed the shit out of me, and made their way out the door. I followed after them, turning out the lights and locking up like any night Doc went home early. I heard Connor holler from down the street a ways as I tried to get the key out of the lock, "You be good now, O'Dell."

I waved absent-mindedly in his direction, "Oh, fuck off," I went back to jiggling the key out of its place. This always happened when I closed up. One of these days I'd need to file the thing down a bit. "Finally," I breathed when it popped out. I jumped when I heard laughter behind me.

"I thought for a second there we'd need to call a locksmith," I turned to see Murphy's smiling face.

I held my hand to my chest with a laugh, "Jesus Murph, what are you still doing here?"

"Walkin' ya home, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"You do remember that I live just there, right?" I pointed to the door only a few yards away.

I was taken aback when his hand slid around my waist, "Doesn't mean I can't still walk you."

When I looked up at him, skepticism strewn across my eyes, I wished I could read his expression. "I guess not."

We took the few steps to the doorway before he spoke, "What are you doing Tuesday night?"

"Dunno, work probably," my voice cracked slightly. Why was he standing so close? And what did Tuesday have to do with anything?

I made the mistake of looking directly at him, that slight smile and those blue eyes were all it took. I was lost. "Think you can take the night off?"

My heart started pounding. What had I turned into? Some weak little girl who freaks whenever a man gives her the slightest bit of attention? But it wasn't all men, was it? It was just the one in front of me and his twin brother. My fucking Achilles' heels. "Why?"

"Cause I'm taking you out Tuesday night." What? I was trying to process what he'd said, and he must've noticed because he clarified, "That is why you were tryin' so hard to impress us last night, right lass?"

I let out a small nervous laugh, "Well, yes. But—"

"Then let me take you out." I looked at him then, standing there in the soft light of the streetlamp, looking bloody perfect. A strong wave of electricity ran through my body, like the ones I'd get after finishing a job or winning a fight.

This had to be a joke. One long and cruel set up for a joke. "This isn't funny, you know."

"It's not supposed to be," he took a step closer to me and the sweet smell of cigarettes and beer filled my nose. "So whadya say?"

I lost myself again. Those damn eyes. I felt the hand return to my waist, more electricity. I swear, if the connected me to the power grid that moment alone would've kept the city going for a year. "You're being serious?" He nodded, not moving away even an inch. "I guess I can get Doc to cover for me."

"See, that wasn't so hard now was it?" He took the keys from my now reasonably limp hand and unlocked to door to my building.

"Thanks," I said as he held the door open for me, still half in shock from the situation at hand.

He placed the keys back in my hand as I stepped past him into the light of the hallway, "You have yourself a good night, O'Dell."

He had let the door go and I could see him start off down the sidewalk, "You too." My voice was not itself. I wasn't myself. I felt oddly excited. I felt strangely satisfied. Hell, I even felt a bit girly.

-o0o-

I found myself waking up early that Sunday even though I'd spent the whole Saturday working. I was actually anxious. Me, anxious. What was the world coming to? At some point during my shower I thought it might be a good idea to have a visit with Ashley. It was a good idea, but I had no way of knowing how to go about it. I didn't have her phone number. All I knew was which building she lived in. I couldn't just show up unannounced, could I? Or were we skipping all the lame parts of the friendship and diving right into trust? I mean I had let her hang out in my apartment. Isn't it fair to say she owed me? I threw on some jeans, shoes, a grey wife-beater, and my black coat before locking up and making my way down the stairs.

Mornings were weird enough in this part of town, but Sunday mornings were a different story. Sunday mornings brought out all of the families and the older people. Sunday mornings brought out the churchgoers. I made my way in the direction of Ash's apartment building, still wondering if it would be okay to drop in. She would want to hear about what happened. "This is what girls do, right?" I made an attempt at rationalization as I passed by a local bakery. "I should bring her something," I mumbled to myself before stepping in and getting hit by a large waft of butter and sugar. The woman behind the counter smiled at me as I peered through the display. I had no idea what she would like from here. If this were a bar, I'd know just the thing. Fuck.

"Can I help ya, darlin'?"

I looked up from my now crouched position, "I'm surprising my friend, you see. Don't know what she'll like though." I stood back up and gave her a smile, not my usual one either. In face I hadn't used this smile since I was home. This one was reserved for sweetening people up, whether it was to get information, borrow a car, or something more sinister.

"Here Hun," she pulled a box from behind her and placed a few items in, "These are our best sellers." She set them down and punched numbers into the cash register, "That'll be four seventy."

I reached into my pocket, "I'm sure I have a fiver in here someplace." Once I'd handed it over I remembered my smile. My old smile, "You have yourself a lovely day now."

"You come on back if your friend doesn't like 'em."

I nodded to her as I left holding the box in front of me. I hated to admit it, having never been a breakfast person myself, but they did smell fantastic. It took me no time to get to her building after that. I scanned the names on the wall beside the door, trying to figure out which apartment was hers and how exactly to have her buzz me in. Then, as if by the Grace of God himself, Jesus emerged from the building. No, wait… that's just Rocco.

"O'Dell!" He had this guilty expression on his face, and I knew.

"You dog!" I reached to stop the door from closing behind him, "I take it your walk home was a nice one." The way he squirmed with discomfort, inching down the street, probably debating on whether or not he should run for it, something about it just made me feel so pleased.

"I was just—"

I held up my hand, "My lips are sealed, boyo. So long as you tell me which apartment she's in."

"205."

"Alright now, get the fuck out of here," I waved him off and entered the building. This one was a great deal nicer than mine. The wallpaper wasn't pealing away at all, and the floor looked like you could eat off of it. They even had an elevator. I didn't take it though. I never take elevators. Not unless I have to. Elevators were a tactical disadvantage. Not to mention being fucking death traps.

My encounter with the bearded man gave an added spring to my steps as I hopped up the steps and knocked on the door. It took seconds before it opened, "Come back for more?" Ashley looked up, noticing at once that I was not Rocco.

"You've been found out, lass." I moved past her, smirking. Finally, I wasn't the one caught red-handed. I might've enjoyed it too much, but that view from the higher ground is just so nice. "Don't worry, I come bearing gifts and tidings of joy," I scanned the apartment. So much nicer than my own. No wonder she thought my place was a shit-hole.

"What are you doing here?" the way she moved around the room screamed discomfort and guilt. She disappeared into her bedroom.

"I just told ya, I've got news." I set the box down on the coffee table before opening it up and grabbing one of the pastries for myself.

She peaked her head out, "And it couldn't have waited?"

I shook my head, "Far too important, Ash." I took a seat on her couch when she disappeared, "Besides I thought you were all about girl talk?"

At that she scurried out and sat beside me, "What happened?"

"Aren't you gonna have some breakfast?" I nodded to the box, "I bought 'em for you."

She grabbed one quickly and took a bite, not waiting to chew, "Fine, now tell me."

I finished the remainder of the croissant and licked my fingers, "Well, I got myself a date." The way her mouth hung open made be laugh, "Don't look so surprised now, might just hurt me feelings."

"Details," she set the food down, "Now."

I went ahead and told her the story, and I could feel that anxious and giddy feeling in my stomach. This was what having a girl friend was like. This was what having Ashley as a friend was going to be like. It wasn't as bad as I'd imagined, "So that's it. He's takin' me out Tuesday night." I grabbed another item from the box of goodies.

"That must've been what they were talking about," she finally started to nibble on her piece.

A confused expression pulled across my face when she didn't immediately explain, "What who were talking about?"

"Your boys." I cracked for a moment and the corners of my mouth turned up just the slightest bit. My boys. She must've noticed, because she got a ridiculous smile on her face, "They were speaking Russian to each other, only they were speaking so fast I could only understand bits and pieces."

"You speak Russian?" Ash was just full of surprises today.

"Dah." She laughed, "Not well though. At least not as well as the twins." She took another nibble, "It makes a bit more sense now that I know Murphy's taking you out." She didn't wait for the question this time, "I think they were arguing about you. You know, who got to take you out first?" I felt a surge of blush on my face. She shook her head, "Silly girl, didn't even need my help."

"Now you tell me about you and Rocco, right? That's how these things work, story for story?"

She laughed. She must've been a saint with how patient she was with me. It'd become obvious I didn't know how to be a girl, but she seemed only to find it amusing. "Oh, I'll tell you. But you've got to let me pick out your outfit for your little date?"

She waited for my answer as I considered the options. "Deal. But no heels."

"You know I can't make that promise, Christina," a devilish smile crossed her face. She looked utterly wicked. Like she could do anything, a complete wild card. That's when I knew. That's when I knew she'd be stuck with me for life.


	15. 15: High Anxiety

15: High Anxiety

Tuesday morning I woke up to a knock on my door. It was Ashley. Of course it was Ashley. If she hadn't had a familiar looking box that smelled of baked goods I would have probably shut the door in her face. Probably.

"We've got so much to do," she said as she brushed past me. I grabbed the container of food from her hands before she got out of reach. She placed her duffle bag on the bed and started taking things out of it. As she piled the instruments and containers on my bed I felt my worry surge. Today would be worse than last week. I sighed as I took a bite of my jelly donut.

"I take it that things will go easier if I don't put up a fight?"

She nodded, "First things first," she held up a rather threatening pair of tweezers.

I forced a weak smile, "Let's just get this over with then."

Two hours later she had finished the majority of the grunt work, I could only assume, and now she was preparing some sort of green mud substance for me. I eyed it cautiously.

"What's that for?"

She scooped some into her hand and started putting it on my face, "Cleans out your pores," she nodded towards the package it came in, "Says so on the box."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, cleaning my pores?"

"Your skin has pores, stuff gets trapped in there and makes your skin look dull."

"You callin' my skin dull, lass?"

She laughed as she shook her head, "This'll just clean them out and make you even more radiant." She globbed more of the substance on, noticing the concern in my eyes, "I use it every few weeks, don't worry." When she had finished she took the bowl and went to the bathroom to wash her hands and I got up to look in the mirror.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Ashley!"

She poked her head out, the green mud now covering her face as well, "Something wrong?"

"Something wrong? I look like the bloody creature from the black lagoon!"

"Psh, don't be a baby about it," she vanished.

I huffed as I went back to the bed, "I ain't being a baby, I'm being a concerned fucking citizen."

When she came back she grabbed a bag of cut up cucumber out of the bag, "Put these on your eyes."

"Now I know you're pulling my leg."

"It prevents bags."

"Bullshit."

"Do you want to look your best or don't ya?" With that I shut up. She was right. It was my first real date, and as much as I wanted to not care I wanted more to look good for it. And Ashley was the only person who could help me there. She hadn't steered me wrong yet. I placed the slices on my eyes and leaned back, feeling her join in beside me. "So what are you two planning to do tonight?"

I shrugged, "Don't know. Just said he'd pick me up at seven."

"Perfect, we'll be done just in time."

-o0o-

"You sure red isn't too flashy?" I looked from the mirror back to Ash, "I feel like a tart."

"Don't be silly," she stood beside me and looked me over. I'd never worn a strapless dress before, and a tiny bit of myself liked the way my shoulders looked.

"I do look kind of decent, don't I?" I turned to the side, wishing the thing wasn't so skintight. Just a little breathing room would've been nice.

"Now for finishing touches!" she held up the pair of heels.

"I thought I said no heels?"

She set them down at my feet, "I thought I said I didn't care."

"You're lucky I like having you around," I begrudgingly slid into the shoes.

"And finally," she slid something over my head. Beads? It looked familiar.

Then it hit me. I ripped them over my head, being careful not to damage it. "Where did you get these?!" I shouted as I shook them at her.

"On your dresser," her voice was small, her face like a dog that had just been kicked. I knew then what I must've looked like to her. All dressed up with the eyes of a killer. The eyes of someone who would unload a clip of lead into anyone for a lot less, "I'm sorry I just thought..."

I lowered my hands. She looked so scared of me, and for that I hated myself. "You don't need to be sorry." I looked down as I thumbed along the rosary, "They were my father's, when he was alive."

"I-I didn't know."

I sat back down on the bed, "I just, I don't know. I haven't really gotten to talk to anyone about it all."

She sat beside me, "I'll listen."

I nodded, "I was back home after a while of working. The whole family came over to see me, even my nieces. Only got to see them for a few minutes before my Ma sent me out to get something from the store. I don't even remember what it was she'd wanted," I laughed looking at the beads. "When I came back there was an explosion, so I ran inside and… They had all already been shot."

"Oh my God."

I looked over at her, from the look on her face I could tell she didn't really understand. She didn't know what it was like to find the bodies of the only people you loved on the floor. She didn't know how it felt to learn that it was all because of what I was. "My Da was holding this, so I took it."

"Is that why you can't go back? You don't want to deal with their—"

I shook my head, "Friends keep secrets right?" She nodded, "And we're friends?"

"Of course we're friends."

I debated telling her everything for that split second. Telling her exactly who I was and what I've done. I decided against it though. Far too dangerous for her. Too dangerous for me, too. "I can't go back because I was supposed to die with them. I'm supposed to be dead."

"Aww, Christina," I felt her hug me, and I was happy that she did it. Whatever sting had come to my eyes was pushed away by her small arms.

"Suppose it might be time to wear 'em?" I slid them over my head, thinking of my father for just a second. Not when he died, but before that. He had been so proud of me. If I hadn't been so hell bent on making him proud he would still be here. They'd all be here and I'd still be with them. I forced away the thought with a big fake smile, "How does it look?" She weakly smiled, "Please, don't you pity me." I stood up, giving her a pat on her back, "We're still friends, ya?" She nodded. "But you gotta promise not to go through my things again."

"Promise."

"Good, now help me with my coat," I motioned to the black mass on the couch.

"You won't be needing it," she was back, smirk and all.

"Like hell I wont. It's fucking freezing at night now."

"Exactly." I looked at her to explain, and she slinked towards me, "See, you two'll be walking, and he'll ask, 'Are you cold?' and knowing you you'll say, 'No, I'm fine.' But he'll know better," she wrapped her arm around my shoulder, "See what I'm getting at?"

"Or," I removed her arm, "I can just wear the coat and be warm by myself," I reached for it only to have Ash slap my hand.

"Trust me," she threw her things into her bag, "Alright, I better go."

"I'll walk ya out," I grabbed my small bag and locked up behind me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To have a stiff drink."

"Oh, no you're not!" She tried to push me back up to my door, but I didn't move an inch.

"I'm wearing the fucking heels, aren't I?" I shoved past her, "I think I deserve a bloody drink then."

"Fine," she followed me.

"What time is it, anyway?" we reached the bottom floor.

I could see her smirk out of the corner of my eye as I gripped the doorknob and pulled the door open, "Seven."

When I looked into the street there he was, and I'd swear my heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly I felt ridiculous. He looked like he normally did, effortlessly attractive, only today he looked a bit cleaner than normal, like he'd just showered or something. Needless to say my nerves took over from there, "Hi." It was barely audible.

He looked at me for a moment, then to Ash, and back to me, "You ready to get going, O'Dell?"

I nodded and turned to Ashley, "Be seein' ya." She flashed the wicked smile of hers, gave me a quick pat on the ass, and ran off down the sidewalk. He nodded in the direction we'd be headed and I followed. Is this what was supposed to happen? "So, what's the plan then?"

He stopped immediately and nodded to McGinty's. I couldn't control the look of disappointment on my face. Shit. I took a step towards the door. His hands grabbed me at my waist before I could take another step, "Was only joking," he laughed, "Do ya really think that little of me?"

All my nerves burst at once into the strangest snicker, "No, I just didn't want to be, you know… obstinate or anything," I continued my nervous laughter, leaning over with my hands on my knees. The look he gave me made me feel even worse, like he was going to laugh at me any second, "Oh come off it ya bastard, where are we really going?" I calmed myself down and straightened out my dress as I stood up. I only just noticed that his hands hadn't left their places at my waist, and then they were gone.

"I was thinkin' I'd take ya to a movie?"

Movie. I was right. Dates meant movies. I actually knew something about all this, "Only if I getta pick."

He nodded and we kept on walking down the street. I felt an involuntary shake and shiver go through me. I knew that I'd been right about it being cold. I should've just rebelled and taken the jacket, not like I couldn't take Ashley on. She couldn't have stopped me. "You look gorgeous, by the way," I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders, just like Ash said he would, and the cold dissipated. Now there was just heat and electricity.

"You look damn handsome yourself," and in an instant I was back. The arm squeezed me slightly as we walked on, leaving my nerves in the dust.

**There you have it! Thank you for reading this old thing. Make sure to review with your thoughts/complaints/etc. The more you review, not to mention the more detailed the review, the more I find time to write! :))) Hope you enjoyed this one!**


	16. 16: Badly Coordinated Fight Sequences

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16: Badly Coordinated Fight Sequences.

As I stared up at the marquee I debated exactly what I was supposed to suggest. Am I supposed to suggest whatever romance was playing? Is that what he expects me to do? Or can we actually see something I'll enjoy? My feet gave an ache and I finally just said something, "Lethal Weapon 4?"

"You sure?" there was a hint of laughter in his voice so I backtracked.

"Is there something wrong with my selection?" my smile faltered for a second.

"I thought girls didn't like action movies," his arm pulled me tighter briefly, then relaxed around my shoulders once more.

"That's a pretty fucking archaic notion, now isn't it?" I took a few steps up to the ticket booth, "Come on, it's about to start."

He leaned over the counter with that smirk of his, "Two for Lethal Weapon 4."

"That'll be $9.78," the girl in the booth gave an odd sort of a smile up at Murphy and the sting of jealousy hit me.

He reached into his pocket, but mine was quicker, "Here's a tenner," I slid it over to the girl and grabbed the tickets as Murphy objected, "keep the change." I tugged his arm, as I discreetly glared at the booth.

"Should've at least let me pay."

"I'm already having such a nice time," I looked up at him, "it's the least I can do."

The theater was small, and had only a sprinkling of people in the seats. I led the way to the back corner. From here I could see the whole theater. From here I had the high ground. I shouldn't be thinking about tactical advantages. Not now. This is my first real date, I should be thinking about that. When he sat down his arm automatically went around my waist, and I couldn't keep my smile from widening. I had worried and stressed over this for the last few days, and for what? This was trouble-free. I'd hung out with him so many times before, and now this was pressure free. The only difference was that whatever unspoken personal space barrier agreement we'd had before was gone. I swung my legs up over his, relieving the pressure on my feet.

"I haven't seen a movie in ages," I scanned the room.

"You should've told me, I'd've taken ya."

"Really?" I looked back to him.

He nodded, leaning into ear, "Could've been doing this for months now."

"Don't put this on me," I joked and grabbed his chin. He must've just shaved before he came to get me, "You always could've asked."

"I thought you were all opposed to, what did you call 'em? Archaic notions?" I rolled my eyes at him as I looked at the screen and he pulled me closer. I forgot how much I'd missed this. Arms around me. Arms around me are wonderful. But this wasn't like before, this wasn't some post job adrenaline high turned escapade. This felt real. Why had I been so worried? Of course being with him wouldn't be a problem; I had been so unreasonable to obsess over something so stupid. The lights went down and the previews began. This was so easy; I really shouldn't have been scared. I was Christina fucking O'Dell. I could blow a small building to smithereens with the contents of a cleaning closet. I could beat men twice the size of me half to death in a matter of minutes. A date was nothing. A date was a fucking walk in the park.

Then the movie started. The ridiculous movie started, with mistakes and poorly done fight scenes and cheesy lines and everything. And as the projector plugged away I started to notice everything. The way Murphy's thumb felt as it moved back and forth over the skin on my knee. The couple two rows in front of us who had all but disappeared into each other with the way they were kissing. The couple in the front row with the man that kept whispering into the lady's ear. How warm Murphy felt next to me, and how warm it was making me feel. The way I kept licking my lips as I debated if I should just go for it and kiss the bastard, or if I should just wait and see what he did. The pounding of my heart as I tried to figure out what exactly to do with my hands. Just fold them. Just fold them and keep them in your lap. Easy.

There came a point where I couldn't keep myself laughing. The stress of trying to figure out if I was supposed to kiss the man next to me combined with the horribly done movie and left me with nothing to do but let out a loud laugh.

"Keep it down back there, some of us are here to enjoy the movie," a larger man a few rows up and to the left loudly whispered back at me.

"Sorry!" I responded before grabbing onto Murphy's shirt and burying my face to keep myself from laughing anymore. He smelled so good. Faintly of cigarettes, and something else. Soap? Or was that cologne? Did he usually wear cologne? I hadn't gone smelling him ever, maybe he'd always worn cologne. Or was this just for me, for our date? I glanced at the screen once more before going back into his chest. I guess I would be the only one who thought this thing was funny. It was all so completely unrealistic, but these people didn't know that. All they knew were their safe streets. I rubbed one of the rosary beads between my fingers as I involuntarily nestled in.

"What's so funny?" I felt warm breath on my neck, and the current ran through me again.

I put my lips to his ear, "Later. Don't want to be getting in more trouble." I lingered there for a few seconds, running it all over in my head. Just a peck on the cheek, no harm in that, right? Or would it inadvertently ruin everything? I moved back down to the safety of his shirt, I spent the rest of the film like that, only occasionally looking at the screen just to return to Murphy. Each time I felt a little laugh escape him. It was the most fun I'd had for a very long time.

-o0o-

"So what was all that about, Ms. O'Dell?" we had only just stepped out onto the cold Boston street.

I felt a grumble in my stomach and remembered that I hadn't eaten since morning. I grabbed his hand, "Chinese?" I pointed to a shop down the street that I had been frequenting since I had arrived in Boston. It was the only authentic Chinese food I could find in a ten-mile radius, and the place was a dive, but damn did they make some good noodles. Besides, people normally ate dinner on dates. It would be weird if I didn't suggest it.

"Alright," I dragged him a few feet, "But ya can't pay this time."

"Fine, fine," I kept on pulling him down the street. Being back on my feet meant they were hurting all the more, and I just wanted to sit and relax for a bit more. Once we reached to door I grabbed one of the handles, still holding his hand with the other, and smirked at him for a second, "Anyways, I only paid for the movie because of how that girl was lookin' at ya."

"You don't seem like the type to get jealous." I felt his hand let go of mine and rest on my back.

"Guess you just bring out the worst in me," I shrugged as I stepped into the restaurant, "Nin hao!"

"Ni hao, Christina," a woman who I'd come to know well waved from the back continuing to yell over the noise of the kitchen, "Same order as last time?"

"No, I've got someone with me tonight," I yelled back at her.

She peaked her head back out and pointed to my normal table in the corner, "Menus on the table."

I walked over and sat in my usual seat, I could see the apprehensiveness in his face, "They have the best noodles here." That seemed to be enough of an explanation, because then he immediately sat down and flipped open the menu.

"So why you were laughing so much," he looked up into my eyes for a second, sending another shockwave down my spine, and then back down to the selection.

I grabbed the chopsticks on my side of the table and opened the packet, "It's just no one fights like that. Car chases don't happen like that. It's all so fucking poorly done, isn't it? One big bloody joke."

"It's just a movie, you know," he got that face again. That I'm-going-to-laugh-at-you face. I hated that face. I hated that I loved that face.

"All I'm sayin' is that it was good for a laugh," I leaned over to the table next to us and maneuvered a chair closer so I could put my feet up.

"Why are you wearin' those?" he nodded at my feet, "Thought last time you said, 'Never again?'"

"Aye, but Ash had different plans for me," I laughed. "She says they make me look sexy."

"Don't need shoes to do that." Just as I could feel my palms begin to sweat and the blush spread across my face I was saved by Li, my normal waitress, setting glasses of water on the table.

"What can I get you?" she smiled her normal smile at me. Good old reliable Li.

"Wo pingshi de (my usual)." She nodded.

"You?" her face turned to Murphy, who looked at the menu with glazed eyes.

"Whatever she's havin'."

She nodded again, looking at the both of us for a second, then smiling, "Nǐmen liǎ duì cǐ yīqǐ hěn kě'ài."

I laughed, "Xie xie." She smiled again and left to the kitchen.

"You know Chinese?" he took a sip from his glass.

"Only enough to get by, and half the time I butcher the shit out of it." I drank from my glass suddenly feeling like I owed him some sort of explanation, "I worked with a Chinese guy for a few weeks, so I picked up a bit."

He nodded, "What did she say?"

The smile that had been plastered on my face widened with panic, "Nothing really."

"Bullshit," he stared at me with narrowed speculative eyes.

"It's embarrassing." His gaze didn't let up and I crumbled, "She just said we're cute together."

His face broke into a smile, "The lady does have a point, doesn't she?"

**Alright, be honest now... How'd you like this chapter? **


	17. 17: One Relaxing Night

17: One Relaxing Night

"Shouldn't you be working on that article of yours?" I poured Ashley a new Cosmopolitan as she shifted her weight onto the counter slightly.

"I'm almost done with it. Figured I deserved a bit of a treat. Besides, you still haven't finished telling me what happened last night," she grabbed the glass as soon as I finished pouring and took a sip, "So spill."

I shrugged and looked around the bar. It was pretty much empty, as it normally was this time in the afternoon, "I told you it went well, didn't I? What else is there to say?"

"Did you two," she raised her eyebrows a few times, "you know?"

"No," her face fell in disappointment. She'd wanted a juicier story than she was going to get. I couldn't help but feel like I needed to impress her, "But it did cross my mind."

"Oh?" she took another sip.

"And I did kiss him goodnight," I pulled out a cigarette.

She looked at me, expecting more details, "How was it?"

"Fine, I suppose." I took a long drag, "A bit of a hit and run really. I just sort of pecked his cheek and fled into the safety of my building."

"Aw, that's not a kiss." I just shrugged at her. It was the best I could do at the time; I'd been so fucking nervous I was glad I managed the peck. "Well, are you two going to see each other again?"

"I reckon so. I mean the man comes in here just about every day," I excused myself and freshened the drink of the only other person in the place. "What about you and Rocco?" I smiled at her mischievously when I got back to her.

"He's just something to do," she took another sip.

I lazily nodded at the thought. I'd had my fair share of those back home. Nights that just crept up out of the blue where I'd need someone with me. I couldn't shake how dirty I felt then.

-o0o-

We sat in the corner booth once my shift ended. I needed some time to just relax and have a few drinks, and Ashley didn't mind.

"You know what I miss most about home?" she said from behind her seventh Cosmo. "I miss my mom's cooking. The woman knows how to cook." I nodded and took a sip from my glass, "What about you? What do you miss about home?"

"All of it," I laughed with her for a second before I spoke seriously, "But mainly I miss my brother. I've been missing him since before I had to leave though."

"We're you two close?"

I turned the glass between my hands, "When we were young. But then I got in with the-I started a new job, and he got married."

"I take it your sister-in-law didn't like you?"

"Didn't even fucking get an invitation to the wedding," I looked into my glass. She'd hated my work, she'd always told him I was too dangerous to be around. She'd been right about me. My work got them killed. I was to blame for their deaths. "She was right about me."

"What are you talking about? You've got to be the nicest person I've met since I got here," she reached across the table and put her palm on mine.

I looked at the hand, and then up to her. I just couldn't lie anymore, "I wasn't always like this."

I could sense she was going to try to ask me what I meant. Who wouldn't ask me what I'd meant? Thankfully the door to the pub opened before she got a chance to, and in walked the boys. A tingle of nervousness spread over me, and when I looked at Ashley for reassurance she just had that evil smile of hers on her face. She was there for the show, a bystander. I took a few breaths, reigning in my worry.

"Christina," I looked over to see Murphy standing beside the booth holding out his hand. He looked as good as ever, figures. He was talking to me, that was a good sign right? Couldn't have been that bad if he was still talking to me? I timidly put my hand in his and he yanked me up and kissed my cheek before sliding into the booth and pulling me in after him. When his arm didn't leave my waist I thought I might have even done something right for a change.

"So how'd your little date go last night?" Ashley smiled at him. What was she doing? She knew how it went. I told her everything there was to say over three hours ago.

"Oh, we had a lovely time, didn't we?" he pulled me closer to him.

I smiled, "I know I did."

"I hope you don't mind, but I told Con what we talked about last night."

"What did you two talk about last night?" Ashley was staring eagerly at Murphy.

An arm reached in front of me and set a beer down in front of Murphy. I looked up and saw Connor, "It seems our Christina here wants the both of us."

"I already knew that," the red-head took another sip from her glass.

"Did you now?" Connor sat down beside me and rested his arm on the booth behind me.

She scooted forward, "Are you guys going to make her pick?"

That was the question, wasn't it? Last night, when I'd talked to Murphy about it he never gave me a definitive answer. I didn't want to look at either of them, so I tried to read them through Ash's reactions. "Don't see the point in that."

"Our mother raised us well."

"We've learned how to share."

"Really?" my voice betrayed me as I leaned back and glanced at the men beside me.

"Aye, so I'll be taking you out next, gorgeous," Connor said as he lit the cigarette hanging from his lips.

I felt a faint pull on my waist, "Are you guys sure?"

I looked to Connor; nod. Then at Murphy; nod. "Good luck showing her a better time than I did, brother."

"He did set the bar pretty bloody high," I smirked at Connor.

"Do I look scared?" he casually flicked some ashes into the ashtray. Then something occurred to me that I'd never considered; this would be a competition. They'd be competing and I'd be the one benefiting from it. I took another sip and let myself relax. Whatever my past was, whatever stood before me in the future, that wasn't important. Now was important, at least for tonight. Tonight I was happy.

-o0o-

Doc set down a new drink in front of me, which I'd thought odd for a number of reasons. He normally waited until I was halfway done with them before he brought over a new one, and even then he'd just yell at someone to bring it over to me. I picked it up and noticed there was something written on the napkin. I discreetly pulled it from the table and read it; 'Man with the black hat, end of the bar. Asked for you. Asked where you lived. Lied.' Shit. I looked at the man at the end of the bar. I recognized him. We'd worked together on a few things back in Ireland. They must've known I wasn't dead. And now they've found me. He'd recognize me too if he saw me. However much fun I was having tonight would have to wait. I needed to take care of this. And quick.

"I gotta go to the little girls room," I looked up at Ashley, palming the note.

"I'll come with you." I waited for Connor to let me out, trying to hide my face from the man, trying to remain inconspicuous. Once we neared the bathrooms I pulled her into the backroom. "What the f—" I clasped my hand over her mouth.

"I need you to do me a favor." I didn't remove my hand as I spoke, "There's a man at the end of the bar, wearing a black hat. I need you to get him to the back alley." I released her.

"What? Why?" she looked angrier than I'd ever seen her.

I tried to push her back into the bar, "It's hard to explain."

"Try me," she crossed her arms and stood still.

"Shite," I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to think of what to say, what to do. "Well, you know how I'm supposed to be dead?" she nodded, "Well, they must've figured out I'm not, because that guy is asking for me."

"Who's he?" she shifted her weight to the other leg.

"I worked with him a few times. Know him well, actually. Sloppy, but he gets the job done." I pointed to her and flashed a grin, "A sucker for a pretty face."

Her face contorted, showing her confusion, "What do you mean 'gets the job done?'"

"I mean he's here to send me to my maker," my hushed yell was emphasized by me waving a hand in the direction of the main room.

I could read her clearly then. She was fuming. And she was frightened, "And you worked with this guy!"

"I'll explain later. Just flirt with him for, I don't know, five minutes? Take him out back; walk a bit out of his reach, yeah? And I'll take care of the rest."

"What are you going to do?" I hated how scared she looked. Fear means mistakes.

I held her shoulders, trying to calm her down, "Just want to talk to him is all. Let's just hope he'll listen to me. Now, will you help me or not?"

It took a few seconds before her face straightened, "Alright, I'll help you."

"Five minutes," I held up my hand. I turned to go out the back but stopped, "Oh, and can you tell the boys that I just had to pop home for a second, and I'll be back?" She nodded, her expressionless face would have to bother me some other time, "Five minutes!" I darted outside and made my way around to my apartment, running up the stairs and heading straight for my dresser. I reached into the bottom drawer. The Smith & Wesson 500 will do. I opened the cylinder and made sure it was still loaded before shoving it into its old home in my waistband. Then I grabbed one of the several remaining stacks of money I had and stuffed it in my pocket. Money might be helpful. Money was always helpful. Finally, I tied my hair up, stuffed it into a beanie, and put on some gloves. I made my way to the alley and hid behind a trashcan. They should come out here any second. I pulled the gun out and cocked it, the adrenaline raced through my veins and in that second I felt a bit like I was back home again. Any second.

"Come back here, it's nice and private," I heard Ash's voice.

"If I'd of known all American girls were like you, I'd've made it a point to come over here sooner." Poor bastard. He'd never been smooth.

I heard her walking and waited until I could get a glimpse. Just stay far enough so he can't get a hold of you, perfect. I waited for my moment, and then I made my move, "Hands to the sky, Andy." His hands raised, "Pat him down, I'd you'd please, Ashley." She did what I said, her face expressionless once more.

"Not exactly what I had in mind when I came out here, lass," Andy turned to look at me. "O'Dell, your just a sight for sore eyes."

I took a few steps closer to him as Ashley put a few guns onto the pavement. "I know why you're here. Just tell me what I need to know and I might not kill you."

I could now see that arrogant smile of his, "I'm just following orders."

"And what are those orders?" my face was as stern as my voice.

"Find out where you went, and kill you."

"What have you told them?"

His voice remained light, almost friendly, "Not a whole lot, to be honest."

"What have you told them?" I repeated a bit louder.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Just that Boston smells. And if I knew you, you wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this."

"You sure about that, boyo?" from the corner of my eye I saw Ashley. She was looking at me differently now. She could see me. She could see what I really was.

"Paulie had talked to me, before they got rid of him, he said they ordered him to kill your whole family. Said that when he asked them about it after they said you were some sort of a traitor."

"That's a lie."

He nodded and his voice became serious. "That's what I thought. Then they were looking for someone to take the job, I said I'd do it. Said anyone who is a traitor to the cause deserved to die, and I'd want to see your face when it happened."

"That's working out great for you," I scoffed.

He laughed, "I knew you were here. I knew you were in there. I saw you."

"Then why ask the old man about me?" I tilted my head. It didn't make sense. If he knew I was in there he could've just blown the whole place. It wouldn't have been hard.

"Figured he'd tell you I was looking. Then you'd do something like this. Then I might get some answers of my own." He'd planned this. No wonder he didn't seem worried.

"What sort of answers?"

"I mean the sort that explain why they want you dead so fucking bad."

I sighed, "Well, I can't help you there."

"They said you were a snitch." His tone wasn't accusatory. It was just a statement of fact.

"And what do you think?" I eyed him intently.

"I think I know Christina O'Dell," his smile was back, "and she ain't no fucking snitch."

"Damn fucking straight I'm not."

He lowered his arms slightly, but I didn't lower my gun, "I can help you, tell them you're dead for good, but they want proof of death."

"Well, I suppose I can lose a finger or a toe if it means they'll stop looking." The look on Ashley's face was priceless. You'd have thought I said something truly outrageous, like that I hate whiskey or something.

"No," he shook his head, "They want photographic evidence."

"Easy!" Ashley spoke up. Her pitch was so high; if the situation were different I'd have laughed.

Andy turned to her, "Pardon me, lass, but the adults are trying to speak."

"Don't talk to her like that," I stepped closer to him, gun still pointed directly at his forehead.

"Sorry, sorry," he stepped back.

Ashley continued, her voice still just above normal, "They make people look dead in movies all the time, and Halloween's coming up, we can easily get some stage makeup."

I turned to him, "Would that work?"

His shoulders rose, "Worth a try."

"Call them tonight. Say you think you're onto something. Try to make it sound like you can take care of me easy. No need for any help." I threw the bundle of cash at him. "Don't want anyone else coming to town."

"Consider it done," he picked up the cash and his guns.

I lowered my gun for a second, and then raised it once more, "And if you cross me you'll be feeding worms, Andy. I promise you that."

"Me cross an O'Dell?" he let out a loud laugh, "I'd like to keep my life thanks."

"Get out of here." I motioned with the barrel and he scrambled out of the alley, leaving Ashley and me. The way she looked over at me was unnerving. "I put that life behind me when I got here."

"Did you…" she held her hand to her mouth for a moment, "Did you kill people?"

"I did a lot of things." I tucked the gun in my jeans.

"Answer the question, Christina."

"Yes. I've killed people." She looked so disgusted then. I wish she'd just let it go, get over it. People die every day. Everyone is a monster. She didn't have to look at me like that. I got back to the situation at hand, "Don't say a word, or you'll be on their list too. And I might not be able to protect you, especially if they find me." She brought her hands down to her sides, that look still on her face, "Promise me you won't breath a word of this to anyone. These people'll kill ya, and I've got enough blood on my hands."

"Fine." Was that anger in her voice? What right did she have to be angry? She wasn't the one being hunted down for slaughter. "I need to get home."

"Do you need me to walk—"

"No." She disappeared around the corner.

So much for a relaxing night.

**Sorry for the delay. Been churning out the updates on another story of mine, and I hit a wall with this bad boy 'til today. I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Question Time: So, she gets to have both boys (live the dream) do you think O'Dell can handle that kind of thing? And her past finally comes out to bite her... Who exactly do you think this Andy character is? Does he really want to help her, or is he just lying? Also, Ashley now knows... How do you think that will affect their friendship?**


	18. 18: Catharsis

18: Catharsis.

I stopped off at my apartment to drop off my beanie and gloves before I went back to the bar. I'd be keeping the gun with me from now on though, considering the recent threat on my life, at least until we took the picture. I had a feeling I could trust Andy, but there was really no way to know for sure. I'd just have to be prepared for anything. It was better to be overly cautious and have nothing happen than be unprepared and get a bullet to the brain.

When I got back to the bar Rocco had joined the boys at our booth, "Where'd Ashley go? Rocco here wanted to see her."

Connor stood for a moment to let me slid in-between them, "She had to go home."

"Everything alright, O'Dell?"

I flashed a smile at Rocco, "Why wouldn't it be?" I held up my glass, "Got my beer, got my boys, what else does a young girl need?" The rest of the night I tried my best to act normal as I found myself constantly scanning the bar. It made the time drag on, the vigilance, but I didn't mind. The presence of new hands on me kept my nerves intact through distraction. I tried to pay attention to the conversation, but with everything in me I just couldn't. By the time closing came around I was ready for a long sleep, even if I knew it wouldn't come. Not tonight. Not until this was taken care of.

"When's your next day off?" I snapped back to reality when Connor spoke. I was already at the door to my building, but I couldn't remember how I got there. I did another scan, noting Murphy waiting not far off.

I shrugged, "I don't know, I can always get Doc to cover for me if it's a weekday."

"So tomorrow then?" when he smiled I felt a bit better.

It was easy to smile back, "Any way we can make it next Monday or something?"

"Monday it is," he kissed my cheek before I turned to the door. I could feel a heavy blush coming on, so I ducked into my building without saying goodnight.

-o0o-

"That looks insanely real," I poked at the fake wound on my forehead as I gazed into the mirror.

Andy's face was beside me, his words harsh with a hint of humor, "It better or I'm fucking dead."

I laughed back, "You and me both, Andy."

"It's because it's real blood and meat." Ashley dabbed something into my hair. She'd hadn't been herself all day. She didn't look me in the eye, or ask to help me if she could pick out my clothes for my next date. All of her words were cold, "I went to the butcher."

"Good thinking," I beamed at her, trying to get anything back.

Andy patted my back, "Well, let's take this thing so I can get back home."

-o0o-

Once it was done Ashley packed up her things. She moved so fast, I'd never seen her like that. Just before she left she stood by the door briefly, "You probably wont see me for a while."

I took the few strides to get to her side, still wiping the gunk off of my face, "I'm not that person anymore, Ash."

"I just need time to wrap my head around," she waved her hand around, "all of this." I couldn't hide my disappointment. We might have only spent a week or two as friends but I didn't want it to end. She made me feel normal. She made me feel like I could be normal. Her eyes darted at me for a second and they were no longer bright. They were hollow, just like her voice, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you. I owe you one." She opened the door, staring at the floor as I spoke, "Seriously, if you ever need anything I'll take care of it for you."

"Goodbye Christina." The door shut.

"Well, that was a strange sight to see," Andy smirked as he let himself fall onto my bed.

I looked at him with a squished face, "Oh, fuck you Andy." I headed to the bathroom and took a shower. I needed to wash all of the shit out of my hair. I needed to give myself a moment to myself. When I stepped back into the main room Andy sat up.

"How about a fight," he hopped up, "For old time's sake?" His half smile told me more than he ever would. It wasn't for old time's sake. It was because he knew it would make me feel better. He knew I needed to hit something, and he was willing to be my punching bag. A true bloody friend.

"Do you even have to ask?" I grabbed my keys and he followed me out and down the stairs, then into the alley. I did a few quick stretches and popped my neck and knuckles.

"Normal rules?" he shrugged off his jacket before doing the same.

"Aye," I stood in front of him in fighting stance.

"Go easy on me though, it's supposed to look like I won this thing," he joked before taking his position.

The flurry of fists and grunts that followed was cathartic. A few minutes of home. A few minutes of my old life. A few minutes of Christina fucking O'Dell. I wasn't some watered down version of myself; I was at my best. My own brand of perfection. I'd missed this. I missed getting to be myself. Each hit he got in beat life back into my bones and each blow I landed sent hope to my soul. I was still in here. I was still myself. God could take everything away, but I'd still be me.

He landed a nasty strike to my rib, "You hit like me Mum." He laughed as I straightened up to continue my attack.

"I give, I give," his hands flew up after I dealt one on his jaw. I lowered my already cocked arm and walked over to lean against the wall. For minutes it was just the two of us breathing heavily, recuperating. "I'm not gonna miss being beaten by a girl all the time, I'll tell you that much." He stood up and wiped the blood from his mouth.

I flashed my now bloody smile at him, "But I'm gonna miss beating ya, boyo."

He reached down and picked up his jacket, "I told 'em you were swimming at the bottom of the Hudson; they seemed to believe me." He slid on the black wool and dusted himself off. When he looked back at me, my hands still on my knees and outrageous grin on my face, his eyes were sad. This would be the last time we'd see each other. This would be my last visit from home, "You take care now."

I gave a curt nod, "You too." There was no need to be emotional about it. This was just what had to happen. All of our chips were resting on this play, and that was just how things were going to be. He was sticking his neck out for me, and I'd never be able to make it up to him, "And thanks for what you're doing."

I could see his worry. Paulie died for saving me. He'd be dead if they ever found out. Andy didn't want to die, "Just stay dead, alright?"

"As a doornail," his lip twitched to an upturn for a split-second before he stalked off.

When I got back to my place to clean up before work I took a long hard look in the mirror. I turned over the situation with Ashley in my head. For a week I felt some sliver of normal. I stared longer, and it occurred to me that maybe I wasn't meant to be normal. Maybe I was meant to be the freak of nature that looked back at me. I looked down at my bloody knuckles and smiled. This was me. This was as close to happiness as I could get. And the boys, they'd understand that. Doc understood it. Even Rocco had taken a hit from me. If Ashley couldn't deal with what I really am, then maybe it was best she stayed away.

Who was she to judge me anyway? My family, with the exception of my sister-in-law, loved me the way I was. My dad told me how proud he was of me on a constant basis. My mother loved how I didn't let the world change me, she loved that I didn't try to fit into the mold that the world made for young Catholic girls. She was glad that I could take care of myself. And my brother, my brother knew me better than anyone. My brother was the only person who I'd ever let see my softer side. My brother was the only person I trusted completely, and he never looked at me different because of what I did for a living. That's what mattered. They are what mattered.

I'd miss her, but I'd still miss them more.

**Thanks for reading! Review with your thoughts! :)**


	19. 19: Surprise, Surprise

19: Surprise, Surprise

Andy and I had come to the agreement that no news was good news, so when Monday rolled around and I hadn't heard from him I put my gun away. I didn't breathe that much easier, but I had plans and a strong desire to not explain why I was carrying around a gun.

It was strange that day, getting ready to hang out with Connor without Ashley helping me. No one was fussing over me, no one was bothering me, I could just relax like I wanted to. I did miss her a bit though. As much as you can miss someone who thinks you're a monster. Besides, it's not like I never got dolled up on my own before. I could manage just fine on my own.

I had gone through all the motions, put on a white dress, put on some flats, even put on my Da's rosary. But then I had to face the question, do I wear a coat or not? I held the jacket in my hands for a while and tried to decide. Ashley would've said no, right? I set the warm fabric back down on the bed, "Maybe she's right about that one."

When I opened the door to the street there he was, looking charming as ever. I smiled as I hopped off the top step in front of my building and linked Connor's arm, "So what are we doing?"

We started to walk, "Dinner and a show."

"So what show are we going to see?" To be honest there was nothing else I really wanted to see, but I didn't want to be inflexible.

"Surprise."

I laughed, "I'm not a big on surprises."

"That's only because I've never been the one surprising ya," he pulled me closer, and all my worries about potential death threats melted away. They can wait for tonight.

-o0o-

After dinner we walked to a crappiest part of Boston that I'd ever seen. I didn't think twice about it until we stopped at some worn down building with a man at the door. Con said something to the guy in a language I couldn't understand and he let us through into a large crowded room, "What is this?"

"Well, I know you like fighting so I asked around," I scanned the sea of people until I saw that they were all focused on two men beating the shite out of each other. "Found us an underground boxing ring."

I couldn't contain my joy, jumping slightly as we walked through the crowd to get a better view of the fight, "I could kiss you right now!"

"I'm not stoppin' ya." I looked up at him for a second. Would it really be fair to kiss him before I kiss Murph? I pulled his face down and pecked his cheek.

It was great to find something in the city that I actually enjoyed, not to mention that it was nice to be pleasantly surprised for a change. With all of the sweat and blood, I couldn't have been happier. And the whole time Connor never made me feel like a freak for it, he just watched the beating with his arm around me.

"These boys fight light chumps," I said after watching two large men wail on each other for thirty minutes without a knockout.

"Who are you calling a chump, little girl?" I looked to the left of me, another large gentleman. He seemed to be overly offended by my comment.

Connor stepped in, "I wouldn't be sayin' that if I were you, that's my lady you're talking to."

"What?" he gave Con a small shove, "Are _you_ gonna do something about it?"

I pulled him back, "No, he's not." Yes, he had been able to beat up two punks with the help of his brother. Yes, I did think he could handle his own. But the man in front of us was build like a house, and I didn't want Con's pretty face to get broken.

"Looks like she has some sense in her," his smug expression set me over the edge. I might have let it go, but that look, I couldn't let him get off so easy.

"Ya didn't let me finish, mister," I gave my old fighting grin, "What I was saying is that my man here won't be doing anything, but I will." I could see the surprise on Connor's face in my peripheral.

The man laughed, "You?"

"I don't believe I stuttered," my grin didn't falter, "That's your boy running this thing isn't it?" I motioned to the man who had been announcing the fights. He'd spoken with the rude guy a few times since we got there.

"So?"

"So how about a little bare-knuckle boxing match?" I punched at the air, "Settle this thing like civilized souls?"

"I'm not going to beat up a girl, even if she runs her mouth." I rolled my eyes. That was always the excuse; 'I don't hit girls.' Total bullshit. Half the men who say that beat their wives or girlfriends. I've never had time for false honor.

"Scared then?" Luckily, I had an ace in the hole with these sorts of situations. See, if there is one way to make a man fight, then I knew it, "I guess it's better this way, I don't much care for fighting ladies either myself."

I could read him like a book then. His eyes widened, then narrowed. His chest puffed out. All the usual reactions to emasculation. "That's it," he cracked his neck, "You're on." He left for a moment and brought over the announcer, "This girl here wants to fight."

The promoter looked me over, "You sure?" I nodded, grin still plastered on my face, "Fine. No shoes, no jewelry, no gloves. You two are up in ten minutes." He pointed out the prep rooms in the corner where I could get ready.

I practically had to drag Connor behind me. Once we reached the room I shut the door behind us, "You happy with yourself?"

"Oh come on, this'll be fun." I kicked off my shoes, and reached my hand out to him, "Give me your shirt."

"Excuse me?"

"Well I can't exactly get blood on this," I motioned to my white dress, "And I'm not going out there topless, so give me your shirt."

"Fine," he peeled off his jacket, "but you owe me." I couldn't keep my eyes off of him as he took off the black tee. Suddenly I was taken back to all those adrenaline soaked nights, and my blood began to pump overtime. The way he looked at me as he forked it over told me one thing, he had caught me looking. I snatched the clothes and turned away.

I'd never been self-conscious about my body, except for when I wore dresses or tried to look fancy. Fighting didn't require fancy, it required the exact opposite. I slid off my dress and I could fee his eyes on me, and in that moment I felt embarrassed. What if he didn't like my tattoos? What if my scars bothered him? At least I didn't go with the thong tonight; that would have been awkward. I slid the t-shirt on and gathered my things. "Don't go losing my stuff now."

I held my things up to him, "What do I look like? Your fucking slave or something?"

"I'll make it up to you, I swear," he begrudgingly took my stuff, "And now we wait." As I leaned against the wall I couldn't stop looking at him. He'd put his coat back on, but I could still see this sliver of skin. It was driving me crazy. I could just go for it. Just really quick. Just a little bit.

The door opened and pulled me out of my looming lust, "Your on."

I did a nod and followed the guy, "Anything I should know about that guy?"

"All I can tell you is you shouldn't have picked a fight with him."

I took a few steps to catch up with him, "What are the odds?"

"1000 to 1 for you coming out of this thing with all your teeth." I forgot what it was like to be an underdog. I don't think it had ever happened to me, actually.

I leaned closer to him, "Do yourself a favor and put a tenner on me to win." He laughed. When we reached the ring I winked at him as he left.

I turned to see Connor standing close by, looking worried, "Is there any way I can talk you out of this, sweetheart?"

I reached out to him and grazed the skin on his abdominals with my hand "You worried about me?"

He nodded to the ring, without taking his eyes off of mine, "The guy's a fucking giant, ain't he?"

I stepped closer, "Then I guess you'd better give me a good luck kiss then." It had been over a year since my last real kiss. The lips and the warmth and the all too familiar electricity, it was more than enough even if it wasn't aggressive. There was no way I would lose this fight. "Enjoy the fight, handsome." I crawled under the ropes and stood in my corner.

The promoter spoke loudly from the center of the ring, "In this corner, weighing in at 250lbs and current undefeated champion of our little show, on the streets you can call him Vinnie, but here he's known as The Crusher!" There was a long pause for applause and screaming fans, "And in the other corner, weighing in at a hell of a lot less, the woman with the death wish," he walked over to me and spoke in my ear, "What's your name anyway?"

I lifted my shirt, exposing the intricately done tattoo of the Virgin of Guadalupe for all to see, "Just call me Mother Mary," my fighting grin was back.

"Mother Mary!" there were several 'boos.' The plight of the underdog, littered with angry haters.

We both walked to the center of the ring and the promoter spewed out the rules, "I want a clean fight, no kicking, no shots below the belt, no biting, five minute rounds, do you understand?" We both nodded, "Alright, to your corners."

When the fight began the Crusher came at me with full force, and me, being the kind Irish girl I am, let him get in a few solid hits. It's just good manners, in my opinion. Once he landed the third punch I began to dodge and tap. People never seem to understand the psychological effect of the dodge and tap. It tells the opponent 'Hey, you can't touch me, but I can sure touch you.' My only problem is that I get bored too easily. Two minutes passed before I lost my patience. Kidney shot, liver shot, head shot, head shot, one to the ribs, and one last one to the head.

When he fell there was complete silence for an entire minute, and I just stood there with my bloody grin smiling at Connor who smiled right back.

The promoter slowly walked over to me and grabbed my hand, "We have a winner ladies and gentlemen! With a knockout in the first round, Mother Mary!" he held up my hand. The crowd had processed the victory by then, and broke out into raucous applause. That's the thing I love about crowds like this; even if they lost their money they still appreciate a good fight. Even more than that, everyone loves to see a classic David and Goliath story. The announcer leaned into my ear, "Hey kid, you're good. You want a job?"

"No," I shook my head and patted his back, "But if I'm ever looking for work I'll be sure to come to you first."

"You better," he smiled at me as I made my way back to my corner, pulling Connor alone until I got to the changing room.

"Are you hurt?" I couldn't deny how great it felt when he looked at me then, like he wanted to protect, like he wanted to make things better. My blood was still pumping at full capacity and when I saw him standing there with that glint of skin showing, I lost control. Once the door was shut I was there with him. Kissing him, touching him, it was all I could do. I'd missed this. I missed the feeling of skin against skin. I missed the feeling of lips and the taste of tongues. I don't think we could have gotten close enough at that moment. By the end of it I had pushed myself into his arms and my body had taken over. I wanted to feel again, and not just anything. I wanted to feel a MacManus, and there would be nothing getting in my way, not anymore. We kept at it until the post-fight high wore off, at which point I grabbed my clothes from his hand and changed. "What was that for?"

I looked over just as I slipped the dress past my chest, "Just a thank you."

He stepped closer, "For what, if you don't mind my asking lass?"

"Tonight's been fun," I leaned my face closer to his. Tonight had been fun; tonight had been just what I needed. Maybe I would talk to the promoter and try to get onto their roster. I didn't want money, or fame, or anything really. All I wanted was a place to fight. All I wanted was a place to feel like myself, like Christina O'Dell.

"Oh really?" I loved it when he got that smirk. I loved everything the bastard did, and I loved his brother just as much. They were my bit of home. They were my one salvation now that everything has gone to shit. They were my new outlet, and boy was I glad I had them. Two intelligent and attractive men willing to share me, if only for a while. That was a woman's most outrageous dream, and here I got to live it. He slid the rosary around my neck, "More fun than you had with my brother, now?"

**Ahh, yay! New chapter, and a fun one (at least for Christina and me). Christina finally gets into her element, and not in some weird attempt to get back to home, but a new home sort of way. :) What do you all think about that? And I'm not talking to just my fabulous consistent reviewers (who I love to death, by the way), _I'M ALSO TALKING TO YOU READERS WHO I KNOW NOTHNG ABOUT, BUT WOULD REALLY LIKE __TO GET TO KNOW! _ And as incentive I give you a look into the writer's own mind; Christina is a totally independent lady, just like we all can be (minus lethality) and who doesn't love a nice character who is just trying to make the best out of a shitty situation? Also, who doesn't love a character who get's the dream man scenario (two dudes, twins, charming, gorgeous, aren't light-weights, morally upright/skewed, and did I mention the sexiness?)? Right? **

**QUESTION TIME! As a writer I am always worried about my work (it's natural, don't blame me). So, if you have the time I'd love a critical examination of my work thus far (character composition, plot, portrayal of canon characters, general writing skills). :)) I'd love you forever, even if you have mean things to say. See, I would love to be a writer professionally, and this is what I'm doing to boost my chops, so all critique and such is appreciated. :)**

**I really hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. :) For the record I find both the boys dangerously attractive, hence this story. )**


	20. 20: Dollar Dollar Bills, Y'all

20: Dollar Dollar Bills, Y'all.

"You l-look h-h-fuck-happy today, Ms. O'Dell," Doc smiled over at me as I slid my apron over my head.

"One of the side-effects of relative happiness I'm afraid," I patted his back as I walked around him to start restocking the bar.

"I take it your evening w-with the boy w-went w-well?"

I looked over at him. He never seemed that interested in my personal life before, probably because I'd never really had one before last week. "It did, I might've even found a back-up job if that thing we talked about happens."

"Doing what?"

"Boxing."

"No," you'd of think I'd told him I'd be going around murdering people by the way he was waving his hands about, "You can't be d-d-d-doing that, you'll get hurt."

"I was quite the contender back home, you know?" I set my things down and walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. "Besides, I took out their champion last night in one round."

"You w-what?" the look on his face was priceless. "I'm g-going t-t-to have to h-have a word with that boy for taking you to a place like that."

"Oh no you're not," I hugged him with one of my arms, "He did good, I promise." Doc let it go after that, thankfully. He knew I needed to try to find a second job, and as an illegal citizen it wasn't like I could just go into any old place and ask for a job application.

-o0o-

After my shift I borrowed the phone in Doc's office. I needed to make a call. "Hello?" the voice on the other end asked.

"Might I speak to Frank, if you'd please?" I turned over the business card in my hand, nerves hitting me. I hated talking on phones, nothing more uncomfortable in the world.

"This is Frank."

"Oh hello, this is the girl from last night, Mother Mary."

There was a brief period of silence, "Oh shit, I didn't think you'd call to be honest with you."

"Well I can hang up if you'd like?" I laughed.

"No!" his yell came through the receiver and hurt my ear. "It's just you could be a legit fighter, you could be famous."

I leaned against the desk, "I'm not looking for fame. I'm looking for fights and money."

"I like that." I could hear him mumble to someone else on his end, "We have them every week, we rotate locations so the cops don't show up. So not this Saturday, but next Saturday you can come by my business and I can tell you where the fight will be that night. You're going to love it with us, you'll be the next big thing."

"Now, I haven't said I was in for sure, boyo. This is just a call for information."

"Sorry, sorry. What do you want to know?"

"If I fight for you, how much money will I be makin'?"

"After my cut, about $500 bucks a fight."

"And how much is your cut?"

He was silent for a while, "Half."

"Oh. Now I don't like the sound of that, but I like the sound of ten percent." Classic negotiations. I remember having to negotiate for compensation back home; I'd never been really good at it. Normally I'd ask for too much and then they'd really lowball me. With Frank I figured he'd expect anywhere from twenty-five to thirty percent, but I needed to come in like I knew a thing or two.

More silence as I waited for his counter-offer, "Deal."

Seriously? Deal? Should I have asked for the whole pot? I guess he really wanted me to fight for him, "Would I have to fight every week? Or could I take a few weeks off if I feel like having some time to myself?"

"Mother Mary, you can do whatever you want."

He must've been desperate for fresh meat. "Whatever I want. I like the sound of that," I held the phone against my ear and rubbed my knuckles, remember how much fun I'd had last night, "Have anything going this weekend?"

"Yes, but I don't think you're ready for it."

"Try me," I almost laughed at myself for how I was treating the poor bastard.

"Just a few heavy-hitters coming in from Texas, and their bringing their rich Texas friends so we're having a bit of a tournament on Friday night."

Heavy-hitters. Texans. Men from deep in America. I wonder how they'll take it when a little girl from the emerald isle beats them? "I want in."

"Seriously? These guys make Vinnie look like a ten-year-old."

"Where's your confidence in me? Ya think I don't know how to handle a few fellas from farm country?"

More muffled voices came through until he spoke to me once more, "Really think you can take 'em on for me?"

"I'm willin' to wager it if the right amount of money is on the table for me, yeah."

"How about, if you beat them and win the thing, you get two large plus a third of whatever I make from the bets."

I thought it over for a moment, best to make him stew a bit, "Make it two and a half of what you make in bets and you got yourself a deal."

"You drive a hard bargain, Mary." He paused for a long moment, "Deal."

"I'll be in touch, Frank," I hung up the phone before he could respond. Finally, O'Dell is back in the game.

-o0o-

"How are you three doing?" Murphy let me slide past him so I could sit between my boys. As I sat Murphy's arm found a home around my shoulders, and Connor's hand rested on my thigh. There was a surge electricity followed by utter comfort.

"Been better," I looked up to see Rocco now wore a large bruise around his eye.

"What the fuck happened to you Rocco?"

He looked down at his drink, still moping, "Just a rough day at work."

"Were the Mafiosos mean to you, lad?" I smiled over at him.

"Cool it," he looked over his shoulder to make sure no one had heard me. "I heard you got into a fight of your own last night."

"I did indeed," I took a swig from my drink, "Might even have myself a second job."

"I thought you told that guy no?" Connor's face wore concern. I hadn't thought of how the twins would react to my new career. Other than my mother, I couldn't really remember people caring for my safety. It was strange.

"I said I'd think about it," I sipped again, "Besides, that's 900 bucks a fight, that's good enough to move into a nicer flat." I looked over to Murphy who too looked worried, "Oh, don't look at me like that."

"We don't want to see you get hurt is all," he pulled me closer to him, and I felt Con squeeze my leg.

"Come on, you saw me last night," I looked back to Connor, "The guy was huge and he fell as soon as I wanted him to."

"I seem to recall him hitting you a few times," he held his beer to his lips.

"He only touched me because I let him."

"Then why did you let him?" I was a bit taken aback by the seriousness of his tone.

"That's just how I do things," I shrugged, "See, I don't think it's very fair to go beating someone without letting them get a few hits in for themselves."

"So you're all about fairness then?"

"Aye," I turned to Murphy, "Speaking of fair, what are you doing Friday night?"

He cracked a smile; "I'll be spending the evening with you of course."

"Good," I took another drink from my glass.

He looked as he rotated his glass in his hand, "Will I be picking the activities again?"

"Nope," I perked up, "I've got something planned."

"Ooo, O'Dell's got something planned for you," Rocco winked at him.

"Might I ask what you'll be getting my brother into," I could hear a tinge of jealousy in his voice, but I ignored it.

"I suppose there's no harm in telling," I leaned into the table slightly, "There's a bit of a tournament going on, which I'll be winning of course. And I'll be needing someone in my corner."

"So you're really doing this fighting thing?" Rocco laughed as I nodded, "Mind if I go to watch?"

"It's a free country, ain't it?"

Another squeeze of my leg, "I can go, too then?"

"Of course," I held his hand for a moment and rubbed my thumb against it. Then I turned Murphy and leaned into his ear to whisper, "But I'm all yours that night."

**Hope you enjoyed this one! **

**Question Time: So, Christina O'Dell has decided to enter an underground boxing ring; do you think this is a good idea for our little lady? Are you stoked to see the adrenaline junkie finally get a more consistent fix? How do you think the boys will react to her kicking major ass (even Rocco)? **


	21. 21: Sweet Lips, Sweet Resurrection

21: Sweet Lips, Sweet Resurrection

When we arrived at the location for the fight it was already packed. I saw in one corner of the building three very large looking men who I could only assume would be my opponents for the evening. Frank came up to me almost immediately after I caught sight of them and ushered me along, "Who's the boy?"

I linked Murphy's arm, "This here is my date for the evening,"

He got a skeptical expression on his face. "What about that," he scanned the crowd, "The guy over there smiling at us? Weren't you with him the other night?"

"Got quite the memory on you," I patted his back.

"He's my brother," at Murphy's response Frank looked back and forth between the twins for a few moments.

"Mary, you are something else." He shook his head, and I could see the slightest smile on his face, "I got a room set up for you, my new number one. Here we are," he opened the door to a decent sized prep-room. There was nothing in it except for a folding chair and a table.

"When am I on?" I set my bag down on the table.

"Got one fight before you, so probably thirty minutes?"

"Good," I unzipped the canvas and pulled out my hand wraps before starting the process, "How much do you stand to win if I take this thing?"

His smile widened, "Hundred thou."

"So that'll be fifty-two for me as per our arrangement."

"Nope, I counted you in," he gripped my shoulders, "One hundred and two big ones for you in this."

"The Texans must be strong," I popped my neck before I started wrapping the other hand.

"You saw them, didn't you?" Being the smooth talker that he was I was slightly surprised when I saw the fear in his eyes, "Three hundred pounds each, I'd say."

I lightly slapped his cheek twice, "Well, I do love a challenge."

"I'll leave you to your prep." He opened the door before looking back at me, "Get ready to make me some mother fucking money, Mary!"

When the door closed Murph looked at me, "Why's he callin' ya Mary?"

I finished the wrap and smiled at him, "Anonymity is good. No one knows my name so there's no mess."

He sat and silently watched me as I stretched. Not a word when I ran through some drills. Nothing the whole time I prepped. I was thankful for that. My heart was pounding like crazy in my chest. This was just the usual nerves, but it had been so long. I'd been mentally preparing all day, and all that meant was more excitement than I was used to here in Boston. Once I'd gone through all the motions I ditched my sweatpants and shirt. I didn't have anything really appropriate for fights, so I just settled on a bikini top and some boy-shorts. Murphy didn't say anything, he just sat there. Why was he just sitting there? Did he not want me? I took small steps over to him and sat on his lap. His hands automatically rested on the small of my back and my knee. I love how he does that. It might have been the anticipation for the brawl, it might've been the way he looked then as he stared up at me, but one thing was for sure. I wanted him.

I gently placed my hand on his neck before running it up through his hair. Still not a word from him, but I didn't mind. I leaned in and grazed his lips, only slightly at first. Then I felt it, the surge of energy, the flood of want. I pulled his face closer and sucked on his bottom lip until he got the hint. I just wanted to taste him, just for a while, just until I have to fight. I felt as his hand gripped my knee just a tad tighter. Why was he so self-controlled? It was all I could do not to rip off his clothes right then, you'd know it too with the way my hands were making their way through his hair and over his chest around to his back, and here he was barely moving. I didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep going. But it was almost time, so I pulled away and smiled, "Just in case."

It wasn't a second before the hand on my knee pulled my lips down to his. There I was again, the sweet taste of cigarettes, the smell of his cologne, the feeling of his lips beneath mine, his tongue with mine. The hand on my back pulled me closer too. I needed to be closer. We needed to be closer. And as quick as it had started it was over. His smile mimicked my own, "Just in case." Just then the door opened, and Frank stood in the empty frame.

"It's time," he nodded back towards the crowd.

-o0o-

I ducked under the ropes, but didn't stand up just yet. I looked at Murphy as I pointed to my lips, "For good luck?" There was his hand, then his lips, then the electric shock down my spine. When we parted I smiled over at my opponent. There was no was I would lose tonight. No way in hell. I didn't pay much attention while Frank went through his spiel. I only barely noticed how he had dressed up in a nice suit for the occasion. What I was really paying attention to was my opponent. Big. Bald. Barrel-chested. And soon he'd be on the ground. I waited for the go-ahead and then it was on.

I couldn't hear anything but my own breath and heart beat. In, out, thud. In, out, thud. That was all there really was. Everything else was far away, a distant memory that only comes back in black and white. It was just me and the monster in front of me. I know I've fought someone his size, but that was a long time ago. I was a different person then, I was a monster myself. A part of me wondered if I still had it in me. I felt as the fist grazed my rib, deflecting it slightly. I took the opening and jabbed. Another one came at me, right to the side of the head. Then all I could hear was a ringing. The high pitched squeal of my brain saying 'What the fuck, O'Dell. You're supposed to protect me!' I took a moment to compose myself just before I started my blitzkrieg. Left, right, left, right, right, a few to the ribs, and one final blow right to the head. He didn't even know what hit him. Frank popped into the ring and clapped as he walked over to me.

"Wow! What a knockout!" he held a hand to the side of his mouth, "And the fight wasn't bad either. This one goes to Mother Mary!" He held up my arm ceremoniously before directing me back to my room, "Let's keep this going." I slid under the ropes and we made our way back to the room. On our way we ran into Rocco and Connor.

"Holy shit, O'D—" I covered Rocco's mouth before he could finish saying my name.

My voice was stern, "Mary."

"Alright," he held up his hands and they followed me into my room. Once the door shut Rocco flipped out, "What the fuck was that?"

I chuckled, "It was a fight? What else did it look like?"

"That guy was," he motioned with his hands. He was obviously confused as to why I could take down an Andre the Giant impersonator, "There's no way."

"Is that a whiskey?" I pointed to the glass in his hand and he nodded. I grabbed the glass and slammed it back.

"Hey!" he objected.

"Should you really be drinking right now?"

I smiled over at Connor. Always so concerned, "Don't you worry about me." I stretched my arms behind my back, "Only got two more fights, won't be hard."

"Where did you learn to fight like that?" Rocco sat down in the chair and I handed him the empty cup.

"Here and there," I pulled the towel from my bag and wiped off the side of my face where I'd taken the hit. "You two are awfully quiet. Don't ya know that might make a girl feel unwanted?" I looked over at my boys.

Connor smirked, "I was just thinkin', you look rather sexy when you fight, don't you think so brother?"

"Aye," Murphy was next to me again, arm wrapped around my waist.

I leaned my head against his chest, "That's better." The door burst open revealing Frank. "That was quick."

He shut the door behind him, "The cowboy practically killed Vinnie, maybe you should bow out." I rolled my eyes at him, "Hey listen, I want the money as much as you do, but it's not worth dying over. He'll lay you out easy. I don't want to lose my new fighter on her first show. We can make our money another day."

I took a few steps over to my manager and put my arm around his shoulder, even with my blurry peripheral I could see the twins tense when I touched the boy, "Frankie, can I call you Frankie?" He nodded, worry still written all over his face, "First, never tell me to forfeit, I don't do that. I never will. If you're looking for a fighter to bow out or take a fall, then you've got the wrong girl my boy. Second, no cousin-loving hick from cow country will be taking me down any time soon. That's a guarantee."

"The guy's a fucking monster," Rocco chimed in, "He'll put you in the hospital, or the morgue or some shit. His right hook nearly broke that guy in half in the first round."

"He's right, I saw it too," Con's body language told me one thing. He did not want me fighting the cowboy.

It was weird them having such a lack of faith in me. I just smiled at them, "Well, then I guess I'd better be avoiding his right hook." I pushed past them and out of the door. I had to do this. I had to win. I had to show them I could do this. When I got to the ring I looked back to see they'd all followed close behind me, Murphy at the front. I pointed to my mouth again, "Good luck?" I could see he was scared for me too. But he was trying not to show it, and that's what counts. He closed the gap between us and his hands found my hips, holding me tight to his body. My arms snaked around his neck and everything else got tuned out. It was just us, our lips, our bodies, the growing heat within myself as I pushed my pelvis into him; that was all there was. I lightly bit at his bottom lip before I begrudgingly pulled away. I gave him a quick smile before I climbed into the ring. As I stared over at the next target the bastard blew a kiss at me. I just smiled. This man, whatever Frankie was calling him right now, would be hitting the floor within the minute.

I took one to the face right off the bat. The irony taste of my blood filled my mouth and in that moment I was home again. The fog rolling into the glens. I let a few more punches through, the force knocking the wind out of me but filling my thoughts with the green hills, the small town that I grew up in. I was home. I was right back where I belonged and nothing could stop me. I let it sink in just for a moment before I started to dodge. Dodge, tap. Dodge, tap. My go to move. I continued to dance around the ring as the large fella tired himself out with missed hits. The big guys never could last more than a round, it seemed. Too used to getting things done right away. Too used to knocking people flat on their asses with the first few hits. Nimble souls like myself had the advantage in these situations. Brawl can never trump quick feet, at least not when those feet belonged to an O'Dell. When I noticed his arms drop, though only slightly of course, I made my move. The trick with the taller ones was working the stomach. After enough hits they have to lean down to protect themselves, which normally means they leave their head open for the taking. A hard left to his right temple and that was all she wrote. Frank was standing beside me before his body even hit the floor.

"There you have it ladies and gents, Mother Mary moves on to join Hank the Tank in the final round!" He held up my hand before gesturing to my corner where the three familiar faces looking back at me.

"Whiskey?" was the first word out of my mouth as I sat on the floor of the ring.

"Here," Rocco handed me his, "You look like you need it."

I gave his shoulder a shake as I gulped the beverage down, "Nothing I haven't dealt with before." I gave Connor a thumbs up and waved the pair off before leaning onto Murphy's shoulder. I loved how he was always right where I needed him. I looked up at him with the flirtiest smile I could muster, "So, what are you doing after this?"

"Letting Doc know his bartender is dead," even if he tried to sound like he was joking, I could see through it.

"Don't be like that," I tapped his stomach, "I'm serious."

He shrugged, "Hadn't planned on anything."

I pulled him around so that he was standing in between my legs as the hung off the side of the ring, "You and me should spend some time together," I gripped the edges of his coat and pulled him closer, "I'll be needing to celebrate."

He looked over his shoulder, towards the direction our friends had gone, "Should I tell Con and Roc?"

I shook my head slowly, "Just you and me, how does that sound?" The look on his face was priceless then; it just made me want him more. For the third time tonight I looked up at him, my eyes lingering on his lips just before I spoke, "Good luck?"

While one of his hands gripped my hip, the other made it's way to the nape of my neck. He tasted so good. His hands felt so warm against my skin, it was like fire. It was like fire and I felt like burning all night. I didn't want to break away, and I could tell from the force in his hands that he didn't want to either. He didn't want to, but he did. "Make it quick," he gave me another quick taste, "And don't get too bloodied up."

I let my hands slowly slide down his chest, past his abdominals only to barely make contact with his belt, "I'll do my best." I hopped up and stood in my corner an invincible woman.

Frank was a professional at hiding his worry, or maybe he'd actually realized that I would win? Whatever the reasoning he spoke so charismatically that even I got into it, "And in this corner, coming all the way over from Texas to put on a fight for you lovely people, the monster with the mustache, the stone cold cowboy, Hank the Tank!" There were cheers and jeers from the audience, "And in this corner we have the little lady with the lethal left jab, the blessed beauty of boxing, the old lady of Jesus Christ himself, Mother Mary!"

He waited for the cheering to stop before he motioned us to the center of the ring. "I want a clean fight. That means no cheap shots, no kicking, no biting. Let's do this one by the books, twelve three-minute rounds, but something tells me you two won't be needing all of those. Now shake hands and wave for the crowd." We shook and began to wave at the audience.

He leaned over, "It's gonna be a shame to smash in that pretty face of yours, doll."

I didn't break my smile, "I was just about to say the same thing to you, boyo." I could tell from how he tightened his grip he was mad. Good. A mad man can't see straight.

"Alright, now back to your corners." We separated and waited for the signal.

Three.

Two.

One.

He was faster than the others, and stronger. The first few hits that I let through practically had me flying across the ring. Lesser fighters would have been worried, but not an O'Dell, even if I was using an alias. Regardless of my confidence I didn't have time to waste. I practically ran around him trying to avoid his swings, but he got in a few unexpected hits. Each sweet contact took me home. If it had been any other day I might have let my masochism reign, and taken the beating. But not today. Today I had plans. I had money to make and a boy to take home. He hit my rib hard, and I swerved just in time to prevent breakage. Finally. Finally a contender. Finally someone who stands some portion of a chance. I had only a few seconds left, so I got in a few kidney shots in before the bell rang.

First round, done.

I slinked back to my corner and sat on floor next to Murphy. Rocco and Connor were back beside him. I motioned to Connor's beer, "Can I just get a sip of that, darlin'." He obliged.

"It looked like he broke your rib," Roc had never looked more concerned since I'd met him, even when he had a big black eye.

"Don't worry, it ain't broken." I looked to Murphy, "Kiss?" It was just a peck, but it was all the luck I'd need. I stood up with the help of the ropes.

"Be careful," he looked up at me. I just winked at him and swung my arms around to prepare.

Three. Two. One. Second round.

No more playing around O'Dell. No more holding back. You're a bloody killer, act like it already. I threw the first punch this time, and he countered. Then I threw another, another counter. That's how it went for a minute before I noticed how he was favoring his left now. Something must have happened to his right, which meant that the right would be my new zone. I'd missed this, the sizing up, the assessments. His right was my ticket to end this thing. I went after it with everything I had, my lungs heaving causing a slight pinch in my side, but I didn't care. Just get through this. Just finish this and then you can celebrate. Just finish this and then you can end the yearlong drought. I could feel as he backed off. I was getting to him. I was getting to the man no one thought I could beat. Before the second minute was finished I had him on the ropes, his hands up like a little girl. Then it was flying fists. The more I hit him the better I felt. Christina is back. Resurrected.

My wraps were predominantly dark red by the time he fell to the ground. I backed up a few feet, panting. It was quiet as we all waited for him to get up. All I could hear was the pumping of blood in my ear and the wheeze of the wind rushing in and out of my lungs. I swayed slightly as I looked down at him, the pinch in my side disappearing. My hands tingled, that familiar tingle that told me I was alive. There were few feelings as good as that tingle, and if this guy just stayed down I'd get to feel them already.

An eternity passed before Frank called out. "And that's a knockout! Mother Mary smites Hank the Tank!" He scurried over to me, raising my hand quickly before putting me on display for the whole building to see, "Here she is, the winner of tonight's little tournament, Mother Mary!"

**I personally loved writing this chapter, so I hope you all enjoyed reading it! Thank you for reading this thing, I can't tell you how great it is to have such wonderful readers. Please please please give me a detailed review, seeing as the next chapter promises to be a bit risque. I would like to know your thoughts on all of that as well as any criticisms you may have. :)**


	22. 22: Mary Martinson From Hollywood

**Hello. Short chapter, but I had to cut it off where I did in order to get something out to you today. I plan to be spending a lot of time on the next chapter, got to do it justice! I hope you enjoy! :)**

22: Mary Martinson From Hollywood.

"Wait up!" My three companions and I stopped in the middle of the improvised parking lot and turned to see Frank running up to us, "Some people are asking about you. What do I say?"

I checked to make sure no one was around, "You say I'm Mary Martinson from California. Call me Hollywood for all I care. You three should do the same if you're gonna be coming to these things."

"But—" I stopped Frank before he could continue.

"Hold on one second, boys. I have to have a brief word with my manager," I led him away, out of hearing distance, then spoke sternly to him, "What is unclear boy?"

"I just don't understand," his voice had a certain nervousness to it, "You're clearly from Ireland."

"I'll take care of that, you just make sure to sing the Hollywood tune," I took a step back to the boys.

"What's the point?"

I sighed, turning back to Frank and putting on my best American accent, "The point is, dude, that when I'm here I'm Mary Martinson from California." I had been practicing it in my free time, and I'd gotten it down even though it sounded strange coming from my mouth. See the last thing I needed was to get famous for being the tough Irish girl, then if anyone back home heard about it they'd know it was me. I needed to set up a nice alias. I grabbed Frank by the tie and jerked it up, "Now I like ya, but I'm gonna need you to remember that, or else that's going to be the only money I ever make for you. Think you can manage that?"

"Alright, alright," he held up his hands, "Just tell me why."

"I can't tell you that," I leaned closer to him, "But I can tell you that if you slip up even once, if anyone finds out that I'm from you-know-where or anything about me, then you'll be a dead man. Is that clear enough for you?"

"Yes, Hollywood." I let him go and he scurried back a few steps, "At least you're worth it."

"Good boy," I smiled at him as if nothing had happened, "Now if you don't mind I'll be taking my cash and heading out."

Rocco asked loudly when I joined them once more, "What was that about?"

"I'll tell you guys tomorrow," I waved them off, standing closer to Murphy, "Right now I've got more important things to attend to."

-o0o-

"Your place has changed a lot since I saw it last," he looked at the contents of my apartment closely. I'd almost forgotten he'd seen it before, that first night that I got here. I'd totally redone the thing, trying my best to make it livable but not getting as close as I'd hoped.

"And it's gonna change a lot more now that I've got all this," I dropped the bag of bankrolls on the floor and unzipped it, taking in the smell, "Have you ever seen so much money in one bag?"

"Can't say I have." His voice had a strangely apprehensive quality to it, but I didn't care. It had been several long months since I'd had the pleasure of sharing my bed, and I wasn't about to let some money get in my way.

I stood in front of him, pulling his face down for a quick kiss, "Alright, now I've gotta clean myself up a bit," I ran my hands down to his belt once more and whispered to him, "And when I get back there's better be a whole lot more of you showin'." I had never taken a post fight shower so speedily before. I was a series of flashes of shampoo and soap and scolding hot water. It felt like I'd only been in there for a few seconds and I was out again, toweling myself off as quickly as I could. I ran a comb through my hair a few times, breezing through the tangles for the first time in years. Finally. I could almost see my heart beating as I wrapped the towel around myself and walked back into the main room. When I saw Murphy he was just sitting there on the bed, he hadn't even taken his coat off. I smiled as I stood in front of him, grabbing his lapels, "I thought I'd made myself clear."

His eyes did a brief once over of my newly cleaned self before his eyes locked with mine, playfulness gone. "Why can't anyone know who you are?"

I didn't even blink as I lied, "I don't want fame."

"Bullshit." Of course he'd see through that.

"Do we have to do this now?" I started to tug his coat off, "There's so many more things we could be doin'."

He slapped my hands away and stood up, "We know you have guns, do they have something to do with this?"

I let out a nervous laugh and dug myself deeper into my hole, "What are you talkin' about?"

"Don't fuckin' lie to me," his face got so close to mine that I found myself sitting down out of reflex, "That night me and Con carried you home we saw them."

"So?" I tried to keep playing cool. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to have to say anything. I just wanted to have a fun night and deal with it all another night. He wouldn't understand, they wouldn't understand just like Ash didn't understand. "This is America, I thought lots of people had guns."

"Stop," he turned towards the door, "Nothing's gonna happen if you can't even fucking trust me."

"Damn you. You sure we can't talk about it later?" He turned back to me, his face had no hint of softening. Shite. Of course tonight I'd have to come clean. _Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen._ I'd said my prayers, now there was nothing left to do but tell him the least amount of information I could, "Fine then, you should sit down." He took a seat on the bed next to me just as I stood up. I wrung my hands a couple times, "So I can trust you?" He nodded, and I saw the slightest eye roll. "I," I paced a bit, losing my nerve, "I can't tell you." He made to stand up but I stopped him, "Wait, wait! I can't tell you everything, but I'll tell you the parts I can."

"Whatcha waiting for then," a hint of the lust I'd seen before in him was back. Thank you, Lord. I might be able to salvage this.

Now all I had to do was tell him. Just tell him about how very powerful people want me dead. Tell him what Ashley cut me off for. "I just, I don't want you to think of me as you know, a bad person." I couldn't even make eye contact with him, "I mean, Ash found out and she stopped talking to me."

He reached up and his hands found either side of my face. I couldn't avoid those blue eyes now, "I won't be doin' that," he cracked a smile and laughed, "I ain't a saint, myself."

"Okay," I held onto his hands with my own and sighed. Just do this quick, O'Dell. You can do this. My words came out softly, "Back in Ireland, I may or may not have been involved in some questionable activities of the illegal nature for a certain Irish Republican Army." I could see him processing the information, but there was something in his eyes that told me he wasn't buying it, "And as a result of that I had to fake my death and come here to avoid one to the forehead."

"If you aren't going to be serious then—" he tried to pull his hands away but I gripped them harder.

"No, I am being serious." We stared at each other for a while, and I waited. I waited for him to get up and leave. I waited for him to call me a monster. I waited for something. When nothing happened I continued, my voice still hushed, "They can't know who I am, because if… If the boys back home find out I'm still alive they'll come for me and they won't miss this time." Still nothing. Shite. "One of my mates already died because of it, another one will if they find out again."

"Shit." There it is. There's the Christina is a monster face. "What did you do?"

"They think I'm a traitor or something," I let go of his hands, fury replacing the worry. He already thought I was a monster, right? He already knew enough to surmise that. Now I could do some honest venting. My words became terse, "I'm pretty sure I was framed by Davie, fucking bastard, but I didn't do what they're blaming me for." I resumed my pacing, "I'm out of it all now, obviously. I mean, they killed my entire family, they ruined my life. I just don't want them coming here and hunting me down again. Enough people have died on my account already. I can't let it happen again." I looked at the ground. That was all I could do. Here, I beat three men into unconsciousness tonight and I was still a coward when it came to the truth.

I expected a long silence followed by some sort of a break-up spiel. That is what I expected, and that would have been completely understandable. That didn't happen though. That didn't happen at all. Instead something else happened. Something else entirely.


	23. 23: Basic Space

23: Basic Space

"There," as I stared down at the floor I saw a coat fall at my feet. When I looked up Murphy was sliding off his shoes, "Now that wasn't so difficult, was it?" His shirt fell on the floor next.

I didn't understand what was happening, "You aren't scared of me?"

He smirked over at me as he undid his belt, "Oh, I'm terrified." I took the step over to him. I might not understand what was happening, but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. For whatever reason he wasn't running for the door and my plans for the night were still on.

The bubble of over a year of repression and self-hatred had finally burst and I couldn't hold myself back any longer. I pushed him back onto the bed forgetting I was still partially in fighting mode. "Sorry," I apologized, but he didn't seem to mind; his hands were already pulling my face down to his. I knelt over him on the bed and let my instincts take over. I ran my hands over his skin and the warmth spread to me. I'd been so cold for so long, it was heaven to being the thaw. I was getting exactly what I wanted for a change. I bit his bottom lip before I sat up on top of him and smirked down. That face, his face. Those eyes. He wanted it too, I knew it. I grabbed the top of the towel and proceeded to throw it onto the floor with the majority of his clothes. He wasted no time. The second the damp cloth was out of the way there were his hands. I'd forgotten this. I'd totally forgotten how this felt, and there was no way I'd be making that mistake again. This was different. This was better. His hands were strong, but in no way rude. I rubbed my thumbs against his stomach as he touched my chest, and I knew I had a ridiculous smile on my face but he didn't care. He just wanted me: bruised, silly, aggressive me. I leaned back down, needing to taste him, needing our lips to be connected. The thudding of my heart urged me to speed things up. I needed more than lips. I needed it all. I came up for air and scooted off of the bed, pulling down his pants as I moved. I stood in front of him, quickly taking it all in, "Get up."

He sat up slightly, leaning on his elbows and nodding down, "I'd say it's safe to say I _am_ up, lass."

I rolled my eyes, bending down for a moment to give him a long lick before clarifying, "Stand up." I went over to sit on my dresser and by the time I was there so was he. He wrapped one arm around my back and used his other hand to grip my hip. The smell of his skin hit me with his first thrust. And then it was a blur. It was just him and me and that was all I cared about for that hour. It started slow enough so that I could look up into those intense eyes. That didn't last long though. How could it? I wanted more. I wanted harder and faster and I wanted it all; he didn't disappoint. I didn't even have to say anything. He just knew me, and now I knew him.

"I'm close," he breathed. I think I might have tried to say something, but it came out as a moan. It was almost time. He lifted me and carried me and we leaned against the wall and then the buildup quickened. It wouldn't be long. I wouldn't be able to delay it anymore. I scratched, tightening my grip and squeezing my eyes shut as the release came.

He didn't let me go then. He stood there and we caught our breath for a while, my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat so distinctly; it was strong and the tempo was consistent, but eventually it slowed. I expected him to let me down then, but he didn't. He carried me over to my bed and set me down, only leaving me to grab a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his coat. He sat beside me in the full sized bed, pulling up the comforter to cover us and handing a cigarette to me. He stuck another in his mouth and lit both of them. I felt his arm wrap my waist and pull me closer. This was more than I'd expected. This was all more than I'd ever hoped to find over here. I looked up at him just sitting there beside me with his eyes closed and I knew right there and then that I loved him.

-o0o-

"Where do you think you're going?" I lifted my head off of the pillow with one eye opened.

Murphy was putting his clothes back on, "Con's picking me up, got to go to church."

Church. I had a sudden impulse, "Can I come?"

He sat by my feet and started to put on his shoes as he looked over at me, "Seriously?"

I nodded as I sat up and got out of bed, "I've been meaning to." I threw on whatever I had close by and ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stuck the brush in my mouth and looked into the mirror, "Jesus Christ." The fight the night before had left the side of my face a purple color, and my bottom lip puffed out substantically. I leaned into the main room only to find Murphy standing right by the bathroom door, "You could've told me I look like shite."

His hands came up to hold the sides of my face; I could tell he was being gentle because of the bruises, "Look fine to me." He kissed me on my forehead.

I looked up him and narrowed my eyes, "Good thing we're goin' to church, fuckin' liar."

Once I finished brushing my teeth I grabbed a hair tie and we went down to the street to meet Connor, who was supposedly going to drive us.

A car pulled up, and I heard that familiar voice yell out the window, "She comin' with us then?" Murphy nodded and opened the door so I could slide into the back seat. Connor turned to Murphy with a big grin on his face, "So, did you two have fun last night?"

I could see Murphy's smirk through the passenger side mirror, "We had loads of fun, brother."

"Is that so?" he looked back at me with a raised eyebrow, "Should I be gettin' jealous?"

"No need for that," I smiled at him, "We'll be going out soon enough, I'm sure."'

**I know, I know... It's a short chapter. But I still hope you liked it! Let me know what you think by sending over a review (please do so, because I'm not horribly confident writing sex scenes and I'd like to know what worked and what didn't so I can write them better in the future)! Ahh! Thank you for reading. **


	24. 24: How Christina Got Her Groove Back

**Hello! Sorry for the wait! Life's been life, but I'm back with some fresh ideas for this story! :) Thank you for reading and please be sure to review! :) It will keep me motivated! (Sorry for all the exclamation points)**

24: How Christina Got Her Groove Back

I wanted to spend all of the money I'd earned that weekend. I wanted to go crazy with expensive things and a new apartment and any superfluous items I could find. I didn't though. Instead I got a respectable safe, a new luxurious bed, and a punching bag. It all cost just under three grand and it was all I felt I needed. The rest I would save. I don't know why, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

I opened the pub door, on my way to my night shift and immediately Doc was at my side, "What the hell h-h-happened t-to ya?"

"Big fight," I smiled to him as I grabbed my apron, "The pot was six figures, too." I couldn't help but feel good. There was something in the air that brought a bounce to my steps. The dry spell was over, I had a safe full of cash at home, a big new comfy bed, and I had a fair experience at church the other day. Things were finally looking up for me. My sorrow had subsided. It was safe to get back to living again.

I could immediately see the displeasure on his face, "I don't think yo-you should be fighting, O'Dell." Of course he didn't. No one but Frank and me seemed to want me to fight. Was it so wrong? Was it so bad to want to pit myself against men twice my size and come out on top? Was it bad to want to feel accomplished for a change?

"I know," I picked up a towel, still feeling much more chipper than usual regardless of his bad attitude, "But it reminds me of home."

He sighed, "C-Can't you find s-something else to remind you of home?"

I shrugged, "Afraid not." He came back around to our side of the bar. "Don't worry," I patted him on the back as he passed, "I'll avoid getting hit in the face from now on."

"You b-better," he pointed at me, "Can't have you s-scaring off my customers."

I put on my sweetest face, "I'll be extra friendly to make up for it."

"You better." I knew he wasn't serious. He loved having me around, even if I was a swollen mess. The usual customers didn't care either; they all knew me well enough. They all had had their own bruised days. Here at McGinty's we were family, a big drunken family.

I started wiping off the counter, "Oh, do you think I could have next Thursday off?"

He looked at me from over his glasses, "Another date?"

"Yes," I nodded with the widest grin I'd had since I came to Boston. "Think I might even drag Con to a fancy restaurant," I rubbed my fingers together, "Now that I have so much extra dough."

"Why ya s-s-still workin' here then, if you're s-s-fuck-so rich now?" he had a slight smile to his eyes. He knew I'd stick with him, even if I didn't need the money.

"Come on," I put my arm around him, "Like I'd abandon you. That's not the O'Dell way." I kissed his cheek and went back to work. Tonight was different. We were getting ready for the holiday rush so I had to restock everything and put up ridiculously cheesy decorations. I didn't mind though. I loved late October. I loved that familiar bite to the air.

-o0o-

Doc's eyes were sunken by the time I returned to him after my rounds, "We have until the end of March, they say."

It was strange how much I didn't want it to be so. I liked my job here. I liked hanging out with Doc and getting everyone good and drunk. I liked getting to mess around with the customers. I didn't want it to end. I felt a tug of curiosity from the back of my mind, "Who's they?"

He leaned over and whispered to me, "The Russians."

The Russians? A whole nationality was after the pub? Why? Why this place? Couldn't they just leave us alone? I looked over at him. This was his place; this was just about everything he had. I couldn't let him lose it. I leaned back against the ledge, "You sure I can't help? I am more than capable, you know."

His voice was stern, "I said no."

"Fine, but you can change your mind any time you want to." The frown on his face didn't let up, but that didn't stop me from joking with him, "I won't even charge ya for it."

He waved me off, "Just p-p-p-put up the rest of the decorations."

I went back to hanging up fake cobwebs, "I can't believe it's Halloween already."

"I hate this time of year," I watched in surprise as he poured himself a beer, "My damn car always gets egged."

I couldn't help but laugh at what he'd said. Halloween was always fun for me back home, mainly because I had gone through a mean vandalism kick in my teenage years that I've never fully recovered from. I always just considered it good fun, but Doc was not with me in that thought. I changed the subject, "Am I supposed to dress up or something?" I tried to think back to the last Halloween I'd had, which was when I was already here in America. I didn't even notice it was a holiday then, I was still so jaded, "Do we do that here?"

"Ya better b–b-b-bloody well wear a costume," he gulped from the glass, "It's a holiday. Have to get the people in here somehow." The door opened and we both looked towards it. There they were, my boys. I couldn't hide my joy at seeing them, not anymore. Things were too good to hide.

"You boys are here early," I set down the decorations and walked around to the other side of the bar.

"Rocco's taking us out tonight," Murphy had an oddly mischievous look on his face.

"Figured we'd stop by here first and say hello."

"Well, hello then," I laughed. They both took turns giving me a kiss on the cheek, and I felt a small pang of worry, "You three getting into trouble tonight?"

"No," Murphy was quick to answer.

Connor's voice had a hint of evil to it, "That's what tomorrow is for."

"Whatever you say," I did my best to shrug it off. I pulled on the bottom of Connor's shirt, "Oh, and I'll be taking you out next Thursday. Should be all healed up by then."

He leaned closer to me, "And what will we be doin' next Thursday?"

"Fancy dinner," I let go and practically skipped back behind the bar to get back to work, "So you'll have to wear a suit and everything." I immediately wondered if he even had a suit, "I can get ya one if you don't have one."

His smile didn't falter, "I'm sure I'll find something."

"Guys," Rocco's head peeked in through the door, "Let's go."

Murphy nodded to me, "Night, O'Dell."

"Night, gorgeous," Connor winked. I felt the strangest feeling, flattery and worry at the same time.

I turned to Doc after they'd disappeared out the door, "I think I may actually have reason to be concerned about those two tonight."

Doc just laughed, "They're not-not dumb enough to cross you." I shook my head as I went back to hanging the cobwebs.

Once I was finished making the bar considerably more festive albeit not at all spooky like I'd tried to convince Doc to let me do early that week, I snagged a cigarette from my pack and lit it, "It's so dead tonight."

Doc sighed, cleaning out a glass, "Aye."

As I leaned against the bar I began to wonder what else I could do to live my life here to the fullest. I had two exceptionally attractive boyfriends. I had a nice job as a bartender with the added fun of beating in faces on the side. What else was there? I could try to pick up some other hobby, or try to find a new friend to replace Ash? No. No, I wanted something fulfilling. I wanted something to challenge me mentally, just a bit. Maybe I could take a class or something? Mum was always pestering me about not continuing my education. Maybe that was the next step? It would've made her happy. But where do I start? I looked over to Doc who was deep into his second beer. He might know of something. I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask him, "Say, do you know of any of those adult schools around here?"

"Know a few," he nodded, sitting down on his stool, "Why ya askin'?"

I took a long drag, "Just thinkin' about expandin' my horizons." I flicked the ashes in an ashtray, "Maybe they got some morning classes I can take? Enrich my life a wee bit and all that shite."

"Maybe," he shifted to face me more directly, "Whatcha wanting to study?"

"No clue," I tilted my head at him, "But I feel like I have to start living again, ya know?"

He half-smiled at me, "That's good to hear."

I nodded, my smile leaving for a split second only to come back much more subtle, "It's what they would've wanted."

-o0o-

I didn't enter the building right away. I just stood outside and debated whether or not this was really something I wanted to do. I'd have to start waking up early. But I would feel better; I'd be honoring Mum. Just get in there, O'Dell. Let's get us some higher learning. I gripped the handle and marched into the building, only getting a few feet in before someone spoke to me.

"Hello, how can I help you?" A short and stout woman peeked over from behind the counter; her orange-red hair was frizzing every which-way. She was wearing a pair of cat ears to match her whisker face paint.

I thumbed through the closest pamphlet I could find, "I was just looking." She went back to her work and I started looking through the various options they had. Pottery? Quilting? Accounting? No, no, and no. I didn't want that. They all seemed boring. I wanted to learn about something at least slightly interesting. I wanted to learn about something that I could actually use in my day-to-day life. And all these classes were at night anyways; don't any of these people have night jobs? I looked back to the woman, "Hey, do you have morning classes?"

"Sure do," she started rummaging around her desk, "Want to see the schedule?"

I leaned against the counter with my elbows, "Aye."

"We get lots of immigrants in here," she smiled at me, "Mostly for our language classes."

"I already know English." I remembered how the twins were always speaking in their secret little languages. Maybe I should try to learn some of them? Just to fuck with them, you know, really freak them out. I grinned at the woman, "Teach any other languages here?"

"Of course we do," she pulled out a piece of paper triumphantly, "Here."

I began scanning over the classes, "When can I sign up?"

"Right now. The next semester begins in two weeks," she stood up and pointed to the paper, "The highlighted ones still have spaces available." I nodded and kept scanning. Spanish. French. German. Any one of them would be good, I guess. Then I saw it. Russian. That's it. That's the ticket. If I learned Russian, maybe I could help with Doc's lease problem. Maybe I could even fix it for him sans bullets.

"I'd like to take this one," I pointed at the only Russian class slot that hadn't been highlighted.

"Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. 9:00-12:00 Beginners Russian?"

"That's the one," I pulled out my wallet, "How much is it?"

"Thirty dollars." I set three tens on the counter and she counted them methodically before putting them in a lockbox. She pulled out a piece of paper with several names already written on it, "And what's your name?"

"Chri-" I reconsidered quickly, "Mary Martinson." That would work. I could start working on my other self here; I'd have to start eventually. Why not now? Why not at this school?

"Alright Mary," she finished writing my fake name in a flourish. "You'll want this," she handed me another piece of paper, "It's just the schedule and class information. I took it, nodding. Her pitch grew slightly higher, "See you in a few weeks."

"Thank you for all your help," I reached over the counter to shake her hand, "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"

"It's Patricia," she graciously shook back, "But everyone calls me Patty."

"A lovely name for a lovely lady," my old smile flashed across my face, "Well, it was nice to meet you, Patricia."

I had almost made it to the door when I heard her call back to me, "Take care!"

Back on the street I folded the paper and stuffed it into my pocket before placing a cigarette between my lips. Pursue a new mental pursuit: check. Now I only had one more thing left to do before work; I had to find a Goddamn Halloween costume.


	25. 25: The Monster Mash

25: The Monster Mash

Sexy nurse. Sexy teacher. Sexy librarian. Sexy nun. Sexy maid. Just about all the women's costumes had the word 'sexy' in the title, and all of which were ripe with clichés. As if it wasn't degrading enough to be reduced to stereotypically female professions, now we had to be stripped down to the barest of essentials to objectify us further? I thought Halloween was about scaring the piss out of people and pulling practical jokes on unsuspecting victims, not arousing men? Maybe that was just me? Maybe that wasn't the way things worked anymore? I searched through the ridiculous outfits one last time before deciding I'd have better luck in the men's section. Doctor. Doctor's good right? Better than a sexy nurse at least, got a whole entire stint at fake medical school under my belt in this outfit. Plus I'd at least be covered. I snatched the hanger and made my way back through the displays and clothing racks before I heard the most annoying sound.

"Oh my God," some unreasonably tall brunette girl was practically jumping as she spoke in quite possibly the shrillest voice I'd ever heard to her friend, "That is going to look so cute tonight."

"Yeah," the other girl in the trio agreed, "He won't be able to keep his hands off you." It all made sense now. The skimpy outfits, the over the top innuendos, Halloween had become no more than just another day to try to get laid. What had happened? Had it always been like this? I don't remember today going like this back home, or maybe I was too busy tagging buildings and mooning people to notice?

"You think it'll work?" I peeked over the hangers as slyly as I could and saw that she was holding up the 'sexy nun.' Gross. "Is this forget-your-girlfriend sexy?" It's one thing to be trying to steal someone's boyfriend, but it's another to blaspheme while you were at it. At least have the respect to go as a skanky librarian.

"Definitely, he was religious too, so it totally works!" I stifled a laugh in my hands. Trying to corrupt a religious man in a nun's outfit? Were these ladies trying to get a straight ticket to hell, or what? I pretended to go through the nearest rack of hangers as I listened on, "That brother of his was cute, wasn't he?"

"Oh, you've always had a thing for the Irish, Katy." My mouth hung open then. Wait. Religious. Irish. Brothers. Girlfriend. Shit. That's all hitting a little too close to home for me. I scooted closer to get a better view of them. They weren't fat, they didn't look horrible. Their voices were annoying, and I did have a strong urge to beat their faces in, but they didn't look horrible. Shit.

"You're so bad," the other girl giggled while picking out some sorry excuse for a cat costume. Now we're bringing defenseless felines into this sick perversion of a Samhain festival?

The 'nun' spoke again, "Hopefully the bar isn't a total dive."

"I've been there before," I glanced over and checked her hands, nurse. "It's not that bad."

"Isn't it the one with the bartender that has Tourette's?" Tourette's? Now wait a God damn minute, they better bloody well not be thinking about going to my bar?

"I think so." They went over to the checkout girl and I kept eavesdropping, "They invited us, it's not like we can just not show up."

They invited them? They invited them to McGinty's? The bar where I fucking work? Once they were out the door I let out a loud sigh, "Well shit." I held up the men's costume I had picked out. It would have been great; I could have prescribed people various shots all night long. There were so many puns to be made. But I can't very well wear this now that I know those three trollopes would be there. Shite. I went back and hung it in its spot before returning to the treasure trove of questionable ensembles. I'll have to fight fire with fire. I'll have to find the most perfect, most suggestive outfit here and that'll show them all, "Sexy barmaid it is, then." I picked up the hanger and made my way over to the checkout stand.

I set the hanger on the counter, feeling angry, jealous, defeated, and a thousand other things I never thought I would actually have to feel as a modern woman. When I looked up to the checkout girl she had a look of textbook boredom on her face as she droned a obviously memorized phrase, "And would you like to get the hosiery that goes with this?"

I shrugged, "Sure, why not." She seemed a bit surprised at my answer at first. Then she turned around and started rummaging around the stocked wall behind her as I leaned against the counter and looked at the door. Would Murphy and Con really consider cheating on me? Or maybe they were breaking up with me? Is that what was happening tonight? Shit. I looked back to the girl. She had bright blue hair and more tattoos than me, but she still had something beautiful about her. Maybe she could help me figure this out? "Hey," she turned back to me and set a box on the counter as I continued, "You probably aren't allowed to say, but do you think I'll be more attractive then that 'sexy nun?'" I nodded towards the door.

"Maybe," she raised her pierced eyebrow, "Why?"

I nodded towards the door, "You hear them talking?" She nodded with a grimace; she'd clearly thought they were as disgusting as I did. "I'm the 'girlfriend' she was referrin' to."

She just smiled and shook her head for a second before tapping her bottom lip, deep in thought, "What cup size are you?"

I coughed, "Pardon me?"

She motioned to a section of the store I'd been so keen to avoid, "In bras?"

"C." She walked over to the racks of bras, and then came back to the counter.

"Here," she handed me one after scanning it, "It's the best push up we've got."

I held it against my chest and she laughed. I could tell she thought all this was stupid too; Halloween was meant to be scary and filled with pranks, not an onslaught of whores. At least I wasn't alone. "Think it'll work?"

"It can't hurt," she shrugged, "Oh, and you should braid your hair," she quickly held her hair in two even portions, "Like this."

Pigtail braids, easy enough, "I can do that." She started putting everything into a bag after I paid. "Thank you for your help," I smiled my trademark grin as I picked up the bag, "If you swing by McGinty's tonight I'll pour you a free drink."

"Free drink? I'll be there," she winked at me, "Good luck with those girls!"

I waved at her as I left, "I'll need it!"

-o0o-

I couldn't say I felt comfortable in my costume, which in itself, regardless of impending infidelity, made me irate. There was something about the way the fabric clung so closely to me, and how little of me it actually covered, that just felt wrong. I tried to remind myself that it was going to serve a purpose, or that I wore less at the fight the other week, but it didn't help. Last week I was a machine, I was Mother Mary, but tonight I was just a scantily dressed Oktoberfest-style barmaid. The only thing frightening about my outfit was the amount of cleavage it showed and the eminent doom of me wearing heels. I clacked down the stairs once I'd gotten over the whole situation. This better fucking work. Christina O'Dell doesn't get dumped, not by anyone. Even if I'd never dated anyone before, O'Dells don't get dumped. I shoved the door to the pub open with a huff. I should be throwing eggs at some unsuspecting soul's door, or spray-painting a phallus on a police car, not traipsing around my place of work in what could easily be considered lingere. This better fucking work.

The bar was already filling up so I immediately scurried around behind the counter, "Couldn't ya have worn s-s-something more conservative, O'Dell." Doc's face was filled with uncomfortable shame. Shit.

I let out a sigh as I snuck a quick shot of whiskey and added it to my tab, "Not tonight, Doc. Tonight's war."

"I'm af-af-afraid I don't follow ya."

"Gotta protect what's mine, and I can't exactly hit a lady, now can I?" I laughed, "So this is the next best thing. Beat them at their own game!" I knew he had no idea what I was talking about, but I didn't care. Tonight I was going to win. I always win.

He shooed me away, "J-J-Just cover the tables, and I'll h-handle the bar."

"Got yourself a deal."

And then I was to the grindstone. Purely business. Work to do. The place was packed, and they were drinking like a school of fish. All that meant was more money for the bar and less time for me to think about the potential turns tonight might take. Every now and then I'd get a lewd comment thrown my way by a patron, or someone would call me 'bar wench,' but I when I saw the tips I was making I couldn't complain. I was cleaning house tonight. As much as I hated what outfits like this did for the cause of today's woman there might be something to this whole push-up thing.

-o0o-

"It's you!" I smiled down at the girl from the store, "What would you like?"

She looked around the bar, at the various groups of shit-faced pub-goers, and her grimace returned, "Got any IPAs?"

"A woman after my own heart," I smiled down at her, "We got a few. I'll bring ya the best one we have."

Her eyebrow raise, "On the house right?"

"Aye, on me," I looked to the man who sat with her, "Any for you?"

His eyes remained locked on the blue-haired girl, "Same for me."

"Both are on me," I walked back to the bar and loaded a tray with the bottles. "At least it wasn't a bloody Cosmo," I mumbled under my breath as I sashayed around the crowd and back to the table. "Just holler at me when you need a refill," and then I was off again. There was no time to breath or think. Just floods of orders and the exchange of money. Tonight we were going to make a killing.

"Damn, is that you O'Dell?" I looked around to see who was talking to me and my eyes fell on a bearded man. Rocco. Sitting beside him were the boys. The boys. Shit. Potential break-up.

Suck it up, O'Dell. You're a fucking catch; act like it. "I've outdone myself, haven't I?" I did a quick twirl before leaning onto the table and pointing at them, "Good to see you lot got all dress up for the occasion."

Murphy spoke up, he expression seemed angry, "Why are ya wearin' that?"

I waved behind me, "It's Halloween, boys! People wear costumes on Halloween."

"We see that," Connor seemed mad too, "But do you have to put it all out there for everyone to see?"

I looked down at myself and let out a laugh. Between the crowd and the pain in my feet I had completely forgotten exactly how revealing my outfit was. But they were the reason I was reduced to wear this, them and their guests that have yet to arrive. Besides, what right did he have in what I wore, when they had been out philandering the night before? I leaned a little closer so they could hear me over the crowd, "If I'm bein' honest with ya I was going to go for something with more fabric until I heard three obnoxious ladies talkin' about their plans for the evenin'. There was even talk of boyfriend stealing." I glared at the twins, my voice was ironically light when compared to the pissed-off expression on my face, "It was the funniest thing, it almost sounded as if they were meetin' you three here."

"About that," Murphy started only to be cut off by his brother.

Con smiled and shook Rocco by the shoulders; "We were just tryin' to help ol' Rocco out with the ladies."

The attempt at reasoning continued, "First thing we even told 'em was the two of us had a girlfriend."

"We just thought they were being friendly is all."

"Sounds like it," I rolled my eyes.

Rocco piped up, "O'Dell's jealous?"

"Hurt's more like it," I fell back in fighting form as I stared at Rocco, "The usual or what?" I didn't even wait for their nods; I just left to pour the drinks and when I returned their table had filled. A flare of rage ran through me and I was home. For a split-second it was the green countryside and the smell of my Ma's cooking. Then I was back to war. "Here you are," I slammed the drinks down and each splashed up and spilled a portion of their contents onto the wood table. I looked over to the girls and faked a smile and happy tone, "And what can I get you three?"

"Hey, you're the girl from the costume shop!" The nurse's speech was already slurred. Wonderful.

"Quiet perceptive of you," they didn't notice the bite to my words.

"See," the nun spoke out, "I told you I should've gone with the barmaid." She leaned towards Connor, "Should I have gone with that one?"

"You look fine as ya are." Fine? Here he told me I should cover up, but she get's a fucking compliment? My blood was boiling now.

I didn't bother trying to hide my furious tone, "Would you three like drinks or what?"

"Yes," the cat purred.

There was a pause as I waited for them to continue. I spit more words at them, "And what would you like?"

The nurse giggled, "I can't decide."

The nun leaned across the table provocatively, "What do you guys think we should get?" They should get a glass of piss is what they should get. A glass of piss. That's the best idea I've had all day; a perfect chance for the celebrating the sort of holiday I craved.

"Oh," I intervened before the boys could speak, "I mixed up a new cocktail for tonight, only offering it to really classy ladies such as yourselves," I don't think they noticed how devilish my grin had turned, "Would you like to try it?"

The nun spoke first, "What's it called?"

"It's called," I pulled something festive off of the top of my head, "Monster Mash."

"Eww," the nurse squealed.

"Don't let the name fool ya," I turned on the old O'Dell charm, "It tastes like candy."

"Then we'll each take two!" the nun held up two fingers at me. I hated it when people did that, like I was deaf or something.

"I'll be right back with them," I scurried off, trying to plan what would go into the drink. I definitely have to piss in it, that goes without saying. And what kind of girl would I be if I didn't add some spit? I ran into the back room and started my work. One part urine, splash of grenadine for flavor and color, then whatever combination would make them the sickest. Rum and whiskey and a splash of gin and cheery flavored vodka and tequila. Cherry Liqueur. Some cranberry juice. More grenadine, so they can actually get it down. I took a whiff; smells decent enough. They wouldn't suspect a thing. Now to spit in each of them. Voila! I stood for a second and admired my work as I washed off my hands. The perfect prank, the perfect revenge. I filled a tray with my diabolical concoction and went back to the table with an air of accomplishment, "And here you are girlies, just for you!" I set each of the glasses on the table, making sure not to spill even a drop.

Each of them knocked the drinks back.

When the first of them came up for air she smiled, "That's so yummy!" I hid my laughter behind the tray, but it didn't go unnoticed by the boys. They'd know I did something to their drinks, but would they bust me?

"What's in this?" The nun slurped down some more, "It's so good."

I put on my sweetest smile as I held a finger to my lips, "It's a house secret." I made sure they finished their first glasses before I went back to work. Whatever happened with Con and Murph didn't matter. I was on a high, the likes of which can only be equaled when forcing people who've wronged you to drink your piss. The rest of the night passed by in a breeze after that.

-o0o-

Last call came and went, and at three the only people left in the bar were Doc, Rocco, Murphy, Connor, and myself. I plunked down in a chair across from them and lit my post-rush cigarette.

"Okay," Rocco took a sip from his drink. "Now that they left and you're done cleaning you gotta tell us," he leaned forward expectedly, but I just nonchalantly puffed on my cigarette.

Connor leaned forward too, "You put something in their drinks, ya?"

I let that devilish smile pass over my lips and Murphy laughed, "Ya?"

I flicked away some ashes, "There may or may not have been a combination of piss and spit in all that alcohol."

Rocco scrunched up his nose, "Why would you do that?"

"It's Halloween," I shrugged as I turned to the twins, "Plus they were trying to get in your pants," I pointed at them, "Those are mine."

The brothers' leaned back as they laughed, "Aye, but that was still a bit harsh, don't cha think?"

Murphy's chair slid closer to mine, "It's not like we're gonna cheat on ya."

My face straightened, "I don't know that." Murphy's arm rested on the back of my chair as he took a sip from his glass.

Connor's face became uncharacteristically serious, "Now ya do."

"Still seems cruel," Rocco still wore a look of shock, "Even for you."

I shrugged, "Well, I love you bastards, don't I? Can't have some floozies coming in and fucking it all up now that it's starting to get good."

"Did she just say she loves you two?"

I took a large sip from Murphy's glass, "Oh, come on, like you don't fucking know already. I mean look at me," I motioned down to my outfit, "Think I'd dress like this for just anyone?"

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! It was fun to write. Thank you for reading this little story of mine. Feel free to review (I'd prefer it if you do)! I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback! :)**


	26. 26: Celebration Guns

**Sorry for the wait! [I feel like a jackass, trust me!] Here's the newest installment! I hope you enjoy it. _ FUN FACT: While writing the ending-ish I had "Son of a Preacher Man" on repeat... sexiest song ever... well, kinda._ REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! LET ME KNOW IF THIS ONE WAS CRAP or IF IT WAS DECENT! :) **

26: Celebration Guns

"I have to admit," I hopped off from the top step of the restaurant happy I hadn't overindulged at dinner, "I didn't think you'd actually find a suit."

Connor rolled his eyes over at me, "Glad you think so highly of me." I rolled my eyes right back at his retort and linked my arm through his. We only got to the end of the block before he broke our peaceful silence, "What you told Murphy, about why you left Ireland, care to explain it to me?"

My stomach fell fast, and I thought for a moment the lobster I'd ordered was going to make a reappearance. I swiftly coughed out an answer, "What do ya need me to explain?"

"For starters," he turned his face slightly to look at me, "What exactly did you do for them?"

"I s'pose I did lots of things." He smirked over at me, clearly not accepting what I'd said. "Fine," I sighed," I made a few bombs, shot a few people, toed the company line as they say. I'm not happy about it." The quiet returned, and for another twenty paces I mentally flipped over all of my misdeeds. The things I did for people who ended up not caring a lick about me and mine; it made me sick just thinking about it. I looked back over to Connor, who hadn't yet fled my side. My life here had been simple. My time with the twins had been far more rewarding than the years spent in my musty apartment back home. Sure, I missed fighting, I missed the rush of it all, but I don't think I could ever go back to that now that I knew a life like this existed for me. "That's not who I am anymore. That's not even who I want to be."

"What I can't understand is why you ever got involved in something like that, Christina."

I heard the tenderness in his voice, the honesty, and I knew I owed him some of my own, "My Da." I looked down at the ground just in time to give a loose rock a kick. "He wanted Peter, my older brother, to join up. Peter wasn't like that. He was an intellectual. Only'd ever been in one fight that I knew about, and he didn't win that one."

"That doesn't explain why _you_ got into it."

"Da wasn't too happy with me as I was growing up. I'll be honest, I was a fucking delinquent," there was laughter in my voice, "Always in trouble. I think he- he wished I was another son. Never asked, but I knew he'd wished I wasn't a girl. So when Peter went to college, I saw joining as my opportunity to make Da proud, make him love me. I think he did in the end…" I trailed off.

I stole a quick glance over to him, he was looking at the ground just like me, "So it was all about pleasing your parents?"

"No," I shook my head, "Ma never liked the idea. I knew she thought it was wrong, she'd never say that though. She wanted me to be safe at home, find someone so I could have a family of my own."

"If they hadn't-" he quickly back stepped his words, "If that all never happened, think you'd still be working for 'em?"

"If my family wasn't all dead?" I couldn't hide the annoyance to my voice. Did he think not saying the words somehow made that loss less painful? Did he think it would spare me the guilt? It didn't. It just felt like being coddled; I hate being fucking coddled. I hate when people think I can't handle something. I can handle anything. Haven't I fucking proved that? I glanced back over to him, nicely dressed because I'd asked him to, looking as good as I'd ever seen him, and I couldn't stay mad. He was just trying to be good to me. _That _would take some getting used to, but with how the boys have spoiled me so far, maybe being cared for wouldn't be so weird soon. "I don't know, but I'm glad I got out," I continued, lightening my tone, "I am glad to be here, have met you and everything, but I just wish my family could've made it out, too."

"I'm sorry that happened to ya," his arm found its way to my waist and he pulled me closer.

My voice had nothing close to its normal impishness, "Did that clear things up for you?"

"Aye."

As we walked, I tried my best to push all the thoughts of my past from me. The time would come when I'd have to pay for my misdeeds; there would be no escaping that. All I could do now was enjoy the life I'd made here, and maybe eventually I could find a way to make things closer to right. Repent. As we turned onto my block, I perked up, "Enough with all this heavy talk." I turned, walking backwards now, his hand in mine, "We've got far more fun things to do tonight."

His eyebrow rose, "Do we now?"

"I'm all healed up," I motioned to my face and did a quick turn, "Not a bruise in sight." Then I leaned over to him, kissing his neck for a moment before whispering in his ear, "We should change that?" I couldn't stop myself from returning to his neck.

"Christ," he pulled me away slightly, "Let's at least get inside first."

My most mischievous grin appeared on my face just before I went back in for more, "Where's your sense of adventure?" He pulled me off again. "Alright fine," I sighed, hopping up the steps, unlocking the door to my building and pushing my way inside, "Just mind the steps."

He followed in silence as I made my way to my floor and entered my modest apartment. I set the keys on the dresser before turning around to see him sizing up the place, "Murph wasn't lying when he said you redecorated."

"I even have a safe now," I smiled as I pointed to the corner of the room where the metal case stood, "For my 'fat stacks of cash.'"

"To be honest I thought you'd move after winning all that money," he sat down on my bed and took off his shoes.

"I don't know if I'd say won," my eyes darted from him to the safe and back again, "I earned every penny. And as for the apartment," I shrugged, "Rent's cheap, bar adjacent. Guess I just don't see the point in moving just yet, better to save up for now."

"And I'm the one with no sense of adventure?" he scoffed, "Should at least buy a flashy new car or something."

"I'm an illegal," I kicked off my shoes, "Don't really have that option, now do I? What with the whole, no driver's license thing." He seemed to understand. "Now enough with the talking," I leaned onto the bed and started crawling over to him. Once his lips were on mine that was it. I didn't want it to stop. I wanted more. Lips weren't enough, not nearly enough. I reached back, clumsily attempting to unzip my dress.

After mere seconds of blindly clawing at my back, his hands were there. "Here," he breathed between bouts of kissing before unzipping the stubborn thing for me.

"Thanks," I smiled as I sat back to remove my clothes. I couldn't get the fabric off of my skin quickly enough, it seemed. I wasn't even nervous, like I'd thought I would be. Instead, I was just happy. Happy with the way his eyes brushed over me, the eagerness.

There was this minor smile on his face now, but it was nothing compared to the way those eyes looked at me. "You're a sight to see."

I reached over and pulled off his shirt, "Is that a good thing?"

"Aye," his eyes locked with mine as soon as the shirt was out of the picture. His pants joined the pile almost instantaneously.

I didn't waste time, not tonight. This was a sprint, or maybe a relay? Whatever it was, all I could think is that I needed to be kissing those lips. There was a hint of dinner wine on them that did something to me; there was no getting enough.

As I sat on top of him, steadily moving my hips to whatever internal drumbeat we both seemed to share, I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. This country, this town, this apartment, this lap with those arms gripping my hips. This was where I was meant to end up.

I continued at the steady pace with occasional inconsistencies that would cause either of us to let out soft moans, until finally my pace quickened. I could see the light at the end of that tunnel, and I was barreling towards it as fast as I could. His hold on me tightened just as my nails began to drag their way down his back, our lips still moving together as the pleasured groans escaped.

I sat for a while, still wanting to taste his lips through heated breaths and the pounding of our hearts. Then I rolled around to lie down on my bed, he joined me, our skin electric where it grazed each other.

Once my breathing had slowed back down to a more normal, manageable rate, I reached my arm out to my nightstand and grabbed the pack of cigarettes that was waiting for me there. I flipped it open, pulling two out, "Cigarette?"

He nodded as I handed him one. I lit the end of mine, doing the same for his seconds later, "So, did ya mean what you said the other night?"

I took a long drag before responding, "You're going to have to be a bit more specific than that."

"When ya said you_ loved_ us?"

I ignored his joking tone, shrugging my shoulders slightly, "It's been pretty fucking obvious, so don't act like it's some sort of surprise." I took another puff before reclining back down onto the bed beside him, "I'm still perfectly happy even though neither of you might feel the same."

From the corner of my eye I could see his eyebrows scrunch up, "I didn't say that."

I playfully glared at him for a moment, getting lost in my thoughts briefly before pulling myself back into focus. "The long silence," I laughed, rolling over to flick ashes into the tray, "Don't have to be a genius to figure that one out."

"Well, I can only speak for myself." He scooted up so he was sitting, "As for him, who knows. He might not."

"So you do?" I looked up at him hopefully, but his arm was already pulling me closer. So this is what love felt like? Wonderful yet terrifying. I sighed, abandoning the rest of my cigarette in the ashtray, "No one besides my own blood's ever, ya know, loved me before," I wrapped around him, letting out a relaxed sigh, "It's nice."

Once he'd snuffed out the remainder of his cigarette he slid back down and let me rest my head on his chest, "Goin' to church with us in the mornin'?"

I glanced up at him, "I'd like to, if it's alright."

"Course."


	27. 27: Good Old Saint Patrick

**Sorry for the wait! Hope you like it, and thank you for reading.**

Chapter 27: Good Old Saint Patrick

Sometimes people have hidden parts, pieces of themselves that can't be seen even after months of 'getting-to-know' one another. I suspect that even after years together there would still be gaps, even with family. I don't think it is anyone's fault; it's just the way life is. No one is or can be a completely opened book, not even the people who consider themselves to be so. Everyone has information hidden away in various indexes, the reference section, or a particularly verbose paragraph that no one has ever read in its entirety but only skimmed. It might be a self-preservation mechanism, or a universal cowardice. It might just be forgetfulness or the deeming of certain facts as too useless to warrant speaking. But at the end of the day, a secret is still a secret and sometimes even what feels like the smallest secret can snowball.

"You're quite the fast learner, Mary."

I looked up from my bag towards the direction of the thick accent of my teacher, my charm snapping on immediately. "Well, your teaching makes it easy."

She gave me a subtle smile and leaned against the desk in front of my own. "So why did you feel like learning Russian? Planning a vacation?"

"Oh no." I shook my head and placed my now full bag onto the fake wood of the cheap desk. "I just felt the need to broaden my horizons, ya know?"

"Of course, of course. I just wish more people felt that way," she motioned to the near empty classroom. I personally was glad I was one of only six others in the area who decided to take this class. I'd been partial to small class sizes ever since I got my first detention. Smaller classes meant fewer distractions, which in turn meant I could actually learn something. She must've noticed the far-away look in my eyes, because she quickly changed the subject. "Are you doing anything fun for St. Paddy's day this weekend?"

"I don't think so," I shrugged as I pulled my coat on. "I've gotta work, and I haven't been feeling so hot lately." I wasn't lying. I'd been feeling under the weather for the last week. It was a first for me, but I figured that since everything else had been going so well: the boys, the bar, the brawls, the bucket loads of cash… what were a few mornings hunched over the toilet?

"I'm sorry to hear that." Her heavily accented words continued, "You work at that bar not far from here, McGinty's, right?"

"Yeah." I slung the bag over my shoulder next and pushed in my chair with a smile. "Love that place."

Her grin widened immensely. "Maybe I'll bring _the old chain and ball_ out there for the evening." I couldn't help but chuckle a bit at her attempt at idioms. She was always trying to use them in conversation during class, but somehow they were always a little off. It didn't bother me, if anything it made it all more entertaining.

"You should." I took a step towards the door of the small room. "It's always nice to see familiar faces in there while I'm working. Helps break up the time on long nights."

"Then it's settled," she clapped her hands together, pushing off the desk. "Keep up the good work." She waved me off and returned to her things at the front of the classroom, calling over her shoulder just as I opened the door, "Maybe _you'll_ be teaching this class next semester."

I don't know if I was what I'd consider fluent yet, but I could manage a child's level of understanding the language and that was all I'd really wanted. It had come in handy several times already; mostly when the boys were trading words they thought I couldn't understand, and a few times I caught Doc talking on the phone with the people who I assumed were muscling him out of the bar. In either case, nothing I heard was particularly useful. The boys were just being their usual weird selves and Doc's conversations never provided me with any names to go off of.

For all my work I was still more useless than I'd ever been.

At least I was trying though.

-o0o-

"It's so damn busy, Doc," I said while yanking on the tap. I hadn't had a moments rest since I got into work. As soon as I was through the door it was pour this or fix that. The only thing even close to a break was when I had to wipe down some spill on some table. Even if I were feeling fine it would have been horrible, but I had already spent the bulk of my morning hunched over my toilet praying it would be the last day and I could get back to my normal activities.

Doc slid a frothy glass to a waiting patron before he turned to me, "What'd you expect? It's the b-b-biggest drinking holiday of the year."

I wiped my forehead with the bottom of my apron, "I know, I know, I just thought I'd be feeling better by now." As he poured a round of shots for some eager-looking twenty-somethings I saw the distinct look of worry on his face. I cracked a smile as I poured the next guy's order, "I mean I have even been keeping away from whiskey to help speed things up."

He let out a laugh, "I t-thought that we were more s-stocked up on the stuff than n-normal."

Although I laughed with him it wasn't a total joke; we _were_ more fully stocked on my favorites since my forced detox. And whiskey and beer weren't the only things I'd given up in my attempt to feel better. I also stopped smoking temporarily. I figured it would help get rid of whatever bug I had, that maybe more oxygen meant less dashes to the restroom to puke.

Soon we got back into our groove. The minutes flew by, as they normally did on our busy nights. I even saw my teacher take a seat, but Doc got to her before I could escape from the onslaught of orders. She must not have said anything about my classes, because Doc didn't say anything to me about my secret scholarly pursuits. He just occasionally looked over to me with that worried expression of his, which meant I had to try even harder to seem chipper.

Eventually there was a brief lull in the thirst of the customers. That pause gave me time to run out back for some fresh air.

As I stared at the brick wall of the building behind the bar I felt a rush of tears come to my eyes. I don't even know what had brought it on, but in seconds I was bawling into my hands as my shoulders shook with my sobs.

Then, as quickly as it had happened, I was fine again. Nothing in me wanted to cry, I just wanted to take a few breaths and finish the night so I could get some sleep.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

O'Dell is as good as new.

After I came back in from my break, I was only able to dole out a few orders before two familiar faces came strolling through the door. Doc nodded up to them as they took the empty seats in the middle of the bar. "Hello b-boys! The usual?"

"Sure thing, Doc."

Connor looked over to me. "Has Rocco been in yet?"

I shook my head as I took another moment to lean against the counter. The break didn't help nearly as much as I'd hoped it would. "Not yet."

"Still not feeling well enough to drink with us?" Murphy's jovial tone coupled with his smile helped a little, but not enough to warrant a drink.

"No," I sighed as I looked longingly towards the glasses Doc had just placed in front of them. "I wish I could though."

Connor grinned mischievously as he tilted his glass towards me. "But isn't that just what you need?"

"Some time with us?" Murphy added.

That was what I needed. Time with my boys. Time to not have to think.

Before I could agree with them, Doc cut in from the other side of the bar. "What she n-n-needs is to get s-some fucking sleep."

I let out a laugh as I started to pour a draft for a rather impatient man who was tapping his fingers on the dark wood. "It's a bit busy for that."

Doc nodded. "Once it's slowed a bit I'm s-sending ya home."

"I'd argue with ya." I winked over to him as I slid the beer to the customer, "But I think you're right about this one."

"D-D-Damn straight."

I looked back to my boys. "We still on for tomorrow night, Con?"

He gave a nod mid-swig, coming up for air to answer me. "Aye, if you're up for it?"

I gave him the strongest smile I could force, but it still felt weak to me.

"More incentive for you to get well," Murphy leaned over the bar, whispering loud enough for his brother to hear. "Or at least be better by next Friday."

My hand shot over and ruffled his hair. "I will, I will. I just need some good sleep, I promise."

-o0o-

I woke up to a pounding in my head and an all too familiar lurch in my stomach.

Jerking up for a split second, I rolled over and ran straight to the bathroom, then proceeded to unload whatever contents remained in my stomach from last night's soup dinner. I knelt there for a solid minute, waiting for my guts to settle long enough for me to gain the strength to pull myself up to the sink. Once I'd wiped off my mouth, put some toothpaste on my toothbrush and ran it under the water, I started brushing off the bile from my teeth.

Then I realized something.

The pounding wasn't coming from inside my head.

There was someone at the door.

There was someone knocking violently at my door.

Toothbrush still in my mouth, I ran to the dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer, cocking the gun I'd grabbed in a fluid motion as I made my way to the door.

I swung it open, pistol pointing directly at the source of the disturbance.

"Jesus Christ, O'Dell," Rocco's hands flew up. "It's just me."

I lowered the gun and went back to brushing my teeth. My words came out garbled along with general drool oozing from my lower lip. "W-ll, y-a wurr kn-ckin ike it wuz th- -econd c-ming o-t th-r. Wha'd y-a ex-pect fro-me?" I stepped aside and let him in, noticing the weird look on his face. "Wha app-ned?"

His voice was nervous as his eyes darted around my apartment. "The boys."

I immediately ceased my brushing and stared at him. "What happened?"

"The Russians came last night after you left." As the words spilled out of him, I could feel my stomach turning over as the nausea returned. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I couldn't get the words out before he continued. "There was a fight and they found two bodies in an alley nearby."

My eyes went straight to my right hand: the gun. Whoever did this would pay; they would pay dearly. A flood of tears threatened to burst down my face, and the toothbrush fell to the ground. "Who?" I could feel my knees shaking so I reached towards the wall behind me to steady myself.

Rocco shook his head and held up what looked like a gift bag. "Hold on, don't freak!"

My eyebrows furrowed together. "What?"

"It wasn't them. They're at the police station." He was laughing now, somewhat hysterically. "I was heading over there with their stuff, I thought you'd want to come with."

A million different scenarios flew through my mind of what had happened to the twins, each more outlandish than the last. I looked from the tile floor back up to Rocco. "They in trouble?"

He shook his head, smiling at me through his sunglasses. "I don't think so. Fucking lucky bastards." I could feel the corner of my mouth curve up as I picked the toothbrush off of the ground. I saw Rocco drop into one of the chairs in my 'kitchen' and pull out a cigarette, "Hurry up, they're waiting."

**Let me know what you thought of this one! (Yay! Finally synched up to the first movie!)**


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